Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

Post Reply New Topic

Big Wolfman Hugs to you.

Ward off that depression with your Dragon Flame and Lioness Hisses!

Unfortunately, I've been trying to use dragon blood again

I am sorry that things got worse for you again. Did something happen this weekend which made you self-harm again? It makes me sad when you get more depressed & hurt yourself. Do you still get pleasure from bleeding?



Big hugs again.

Don't you know we like you?

What made you hurt yourself this time?

I do still get pleasure from bleeding, and that's why I did it again, I think - for a temporary break from the depression. I do know that a good number of people here on WP like me, and that's what's really keeping me from acting on my suicidal thoughts - because you all would miss me if I was gone. The goal isn't really to hurt myself - it's to feel better. Oddly, I do find that hurting myself feels good, counterintuitive though it seems. Not that I'm advocating it - I'm still trying to stop.

How about sticking a few pins in me?
I could be your voodoo doll.

If you really wanted me to and there was no risk of infection or anything, I might do it, but I'd probably still feel the need to do it to myself. I kind of feel like a pin can't really do that much damage unless it's, like, in your eye or inside your body or something. But I don't get near the pleasure and satisfaction from seeing other people bleed as I do when it's me. I guess part of it might also be that it physically shows my strength if I endure physical wounds - it helps me feel stronger.

For some reason, I'm picturing you in Goth clothing....

I stuck some pins in myself but it really didn't do much, probably because I have a high pain threshold, and pins don't inflict much pain.

Well, I do like black

It doesn't really hurt me, either - years of self-harm in one way or another has increased my pain threshold as well. I do it over veins I can see through the skin so I bleed a good bit - it's the blood I'm really after.

It's kind of like the bloodletting of old.
Regular bloodletting is known to be good for your health, although I think they probably overdid it in the old days.
Have you ever donated blood?
I'm not allowed to.

Another reason to be careful is that supposedly on the autism spectrum, our pain threshold is higher than usual in the first place.

I'm more or less too skinny to donate blood but I still had to get levels checked for meds & I got used to it. Just like an angry man-made mosquito.

I have a wager, go easy on yourself & I'll quit drinking coffee again. Granted I was meaning to anyway but at least habits that die hard can do so simultaneously.

^ I'm a bit bummed that I can't even donate my organs when I die now.
I was looking forward to giving someone my corneas.
My liver probably wouldn't be any use to anyone, but my heart is fine.
Now it all goes to waste.

I donated my blood twice in my life. At one point I had a t-shirt, but it got donated.

^ that made me laugh.