Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Just a belated vent. I hate unsurety, and being called stupid really hurt.

I'm sorry, I've been bitter. I will stop now.

Woman, You badly need a man that will take care of you. you became homeless and lost everything, finely got on your feet and your about ready to lose it all again and become homeless once again. you have a boyfriend that does not want to even try and take care of you nor live with you. all your farm animals will have to be given away or sold, that school you got your daughter into she will have to give up without someone to take her back and forth, and so much more, you try you really do, just you have no amount of common sense, esp when it comes to money. your disability funds do you no good if you can never manage your funds right... oh you make me want to cry sometimes, it hurts me seeing you put your self through all this...well, anyways, your not my problem you made sure of that. but sometimes I really do wish I could be there for you, but it would do me nor you any good to be there for you unless it became a full time job. about the best I could do for you is after you fall, is help afford you a storage place for your belongings so that you wont lose everything all over again. esp since I bought much of your furniture for you in hopes you were going to get your life back together, besides, our child needed a bed and dresser for when he was at your home, and you needed those things too. sometimes I am so sad for you I get angry at you for letting your self get into such predicaments.

I honestly do not know why I do care, you would never do any of those things for me, in fact you tried to take our child from me. the next time you become homeless I am tempted to move with our child far away. custody agreement states I can not move farther then 1 hours drive from your home. but if you have no home then....... Oh why do I even try and think that way, you were homeless before and all I done was try and help you, and said it was because your children needed you, that it was for them. in my past life (before our child or you and I) I have fallen before, and no one helped me. in fact when you gave me the boot for that man you dumped me for I lost everything then too and had to start from scratch all over again from living in my car, with our 19 month old child whom at the time you also abandoned with me. perhaps you will never learn to stand on your own two feet unless no one helps you in order to force you to try harder. naw, when worse comes to worse you find men to support you, the luxuries of being female.

I finely got the courage to apologize for not knowing that someone was Aspie & not understanding why things happened the way they did. I still don't fully understand.
I still feel that it was just more local B.S., & I was as usual found to be a terrible person. Sometimes I am, but not for any of the reasons that get put out on the jungle telegraph. I feel so bad about myself, after years of being hauled over the coals for no good reason, that I could not even fathom that anybody could actually like me, for myself & not for what they could get out of or from me.
I'm angry that you felt that I could not be trusted with your information. Did I look like the enemy? (I probably do now.)
Without communication, there is no trust. Without trust there is nothing. I get a whole lot of Nothing every day of my life. I don't want anymore.
Anyway, if you missed it on another thread..."I'm Sorry! I didn't Know! I'm sorry that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. It would not have mattered to me one tiny bit."

Friends have told me that they think you are just a good looking guy who is used to calling the shots with women. Maybe so, but I think you need to either lighten up or start looking at dumber women.

dearest one,
the words won't always rhyme.
the lines won't always follow form.
the love i gave you will always be truth.
the flowers will always be there in my heart.
.. me

Lieber Freund,

A constant defensive stance is tiring.
Time to let it go.
Just have to drive myself bone weary to get there sometimes.

Die Stille

Dearest friends

What is sorrow for? It is a storehouse
Where we store wheat, barleey, corn and tears.
We step to the door on a round stone,
And the storehouse feeds all the birds of sorrow.
And I say to myself: Will you have
Sorrow at last? Go on, be cheerful in autumn,
Be stoic, yes, be tranquil, calm;
Or in the valley of sorrows spread your wings.

To ....
My patience is spent too. I'm not meeting your expectations yet because your timeframe is unrealistic. I am doing my best and yes progress is slower than you would like, I don't have a magic wand and i can't make it happen overnight.
For my sanity, please stop nagging me, it's counter productive ...I've given you my word that I will sort it.









Nice poem salam

Because I can't say it enough. I am sorry, and I miss you, and I can stay away from you if that is what you really want. I doubt it sometimes. Just any exposure makes me doubt myself. Be firm. My therapist and I had a depressing enough discussion about a restraining order. I'm not afraid of it. I really am not. IF that is what it takes. Its a mark on my record that can't be erased or forgotten, but I am not afraid.

Unsent, sort of.

Wanted to say goodbye, but I think I will save that for later.

Also:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... tsMonsters

Dear you X100 (because I never learn)

I'm so sorry, I am an idiot. I have no excuse, I'm just sorry. I miss you.

Oh just wondering the usual,
How are you?
What do you think of me?
Do you miss me?
Questions I probably will never know the answers to. I want them though, my mind burns with them. Are they too much to ask for? What is so hard about answering?

Or are you afraid of encouraging me, like I don't have feelings to deal with. Leaving me in the dark is less important than following your stupid friendship rules. I try as hard as I can, to be a friend, and what do I get? Someone talking behind my back. Someone covering their ass so they can get me in trouble. Someone who says one thing and does another. You said we could talk about this. You agreed to it. You lied and I want to hold you accountable. I was upset about how we were communicating through wrong planet, now it's all I cling to. Like some f****d up ret*d. All we do is stalk each other and search for things we will never find in stead of communicating. You have to always feel you are right and I can't call BS about the situation. Maybe it's my fault for not communicating that. And your fault for never listening. It's always feels like I am the one who has to change. You change though, and I wonder where you are right now.

So long ago, yet so much pain. I still miss you though. Do you need me to spell everything out for you?

Edit: I am a damned masochist.

Am I wishing you were something you are not? Are you someone who can listen, and I can talk to and share my concerns with? Am I dreaming, creating an image which will never exist? I only hope you will be someone I can get along with, and I hope I can be someone you can get along with. I fear that change happened, but it was too late, we were to far apart and one of us decided to go elsewhere. What has become of us since then?

Dear oblivious ret*d, (hey, you know I mean that with the greatest of affection)

When I say "I have noone to talk to during the breaks at orchestra," what that translates as is "I MISS YOU."
You've talked to me enough to know that I don't get lonely, and thus I don't really care whether I have anyone to talk to during break.
But I do miss you.
YOU. Not "someone to talk to". Not "company". Not even "someone to discuss music with"; I have a whole orchestra full of people for that; a few of who are even better than you to talk music with because they've studied classical music to the same extent that I have.
I don't care about company, but I miss your company.