scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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1. I don't know. I am either dissociating or suppressing.

7. Kids are happy when my brother speaks to them on the phone. Dad has no real love for them so they suffer

-10 Just had a close friendship end. At least we're parting on good terms, but it still really hurts.

Also not feeling much better after my two iron infusions. I've been feeling a bit less worn out, but still have all my other symptoms. I'll talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow and can discuss the possibility of some of this being from meds, or withdrawal effects from lowering the dose of my Effexor, and have an appointment with my GP on Monday that will include taking blood to check my iron level again. At least if I need a blood transfusion now, my mom has offered to give the blood I'd be getting, which might make me feel less apprehensive about it and will also mean a unit of blood I wouldn't be taking from the stores and could therefore be given to someone else. I still really don't think I feel like someone who needs a blood transfusion, but it's a very real possibility if my iron level has dropped even further.

-5

-5 Got my blood drawn yesterday, and if my iron level is below 10 (and presumably above 7, which is when, I’m told, they look at doing a full blood transfusion), which my doctor thinks is likely based on the severity of my symptoms, I’m getting more iron infusions (don’t know how many). I hate being such a financial burden on my family (even though we’ll probably be fine, my dad has a good-paying job and my mom also works, but still, $1000 with insurance is what I saw online when I looked it up. For each one. $14000 or so without insurance is what I saw.).

Tired but can’t sleep, but that’s nothing new for me. Also have a migraine coming on, and I’ve been particularly dizzy today.

Losing interest in Animal Crossing, at least until the month changes and I can find some different things. I tried the app because my mom was getting the Switch game and I wanted to give it a go before paying for the game, so I played the app obsessively for a day or two and then broke down and bought the Switch game for myself, then played that obsessively for a few days, and stayed up until ridiculous hours looking for more barreleye fish, which I have had a minor obsession with ever since I saw one in Blue Planet 2 (the deep sea episode), after I was very surprised (and elated) to catch one completely by chance on my second evening, but now I’m losing interest even in that. Guess it’s about time for a new obsession, I wonder what it will be that I latch onto this time. I have a feeling it will be the resurfacing of an old one, probably either wendigos or SCP Foundation. Maybe even both. Or neither.

Got to get my sleep schedule back on track after my several nights of late-night-into-early-morning barreleye hunting.

And I’ll stop now because I’m really just rambling, as I have an unfortunate tendency to do.

+8

Finished lunch, finished paperwork, and no more fires to put out, so I'm headed for home.

-1

I just feel mega anxious and uncomfortable today. I've felt overwhelmed by feeling like I'm forgetting something all day, but I don't think I have. I just want this anxiety to go away. But it never does.

Damn funeralxempire that is heavy stuff.
I'm not going to say I don't feel like that regularly, especially in the past , because I do. however unlike you, i passed on the 'curse' to other beings.

+7

Had a pretty good weekend, got a lot done and spent time outside. Even went for a run! I made a good dinner and I’m drinking good beer. (: