scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-2. I'm very exhausted and my bones have been hurting a lot lately. Even walking is a chore and makes my muscles hurt.

+2.

+4. Had a really fun dream last night.

8

-8 (my counselor can't seem to help, even when asked for resources for autism. I get a link to mental health website and a number to another counselor who deals in autism, but may or may not take my insurance) (it's like nobody ever listens to me, I may as well never say anything at all)

Back at my typical 7.

-9.5

At my typical 7.

with zero being "MEH" I am at a negative 3 this month

0 and numb.

I have a very scary veterinary appointment for my dog, regarding a second opinion and possible biopsies.

-7

-2.

-7
I feel bored and lonely. I wish I had a social life of some kind and friends to do activities with. I'm tired of having to do every single thing by myself(I do have my family but we have different interests). I have no drive or motivation and I just wish I had somebody to talk to... I also feel tired and exhausted.

-8 (nothing seems to matter)

-8 I should still be in the hospital probably, but my dang obsession with Animal Crossing made me play up a small bit of improvement mostly so I could do the event that’s happening this week. I should have agreed to the initial suggestion of evaluating on Thursday. Now I’m feeling very ashamed about it, which doesn’t help matters any. Yes, I was telling the truth when I said I was feeling less impulsive, but oftentimes impulsivity isn’t my main problem. And yes, if I had access to something sharp enough (I live with my family, and they have locked away anything sharp as well as medications), I would do something that would be ambiguous even to me, whether I was trying to die or not. Decided to start ECT again with the hope that even though it isn’t going to cure anything, maybe it would at least get me to the point where I could be safe at home rather than staying in the hospital indefinitely, not sure if it’s that or a med change or whatever weirdness my body is trying to do or some combination thereof that’s causing cognitive problems, and today I can’t even go one sentence without saying the wrong word at least once when I know what the proper one is. And pretty sure this episode, and the lack of outward indication beforehand, means I can never be trusted to live on my own. Still convinced this is going to be my life for as long as I live whether I shorten that or not, and life just isn’t worth it to me. But being home raises my score, would otherwise be -10.