I feel discouraged...

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...You're the one who crowecrowed over the prospect. if my pictures being thrown out! Who knows, maybe I'll get what you want...Doctors and other medicos can be helpful. They can also suffer from the Almighty Doctor/God Complex. My life was DESTROYED by the Thorazine and Mellaril the ADGO forced upon me. They NEVER apologized to me, never tried to reverse the damage that they did .
You and other/s are fixating on the cheeseburger image and forgetting about the question off my clothes, the account, the phone, et cetera.
The bags turned up, but not because I left it alone and didn't ask about it!
DW, why don't you f**k OFF regarding commenting about me trying to go to college, something I'm no longer trying at this time to set up! I hate you now! You possibly had the opportunity to go to uni that may be forever past me now, and you mock me on it!

...People did say things about no phone, no royalties!






222"]

This is a very nasty reply to folks who clearly care about what happens to you (KK and RR at the top of the list, but GF is certainly on it too). Nobody here is the reason your stuff was taken.

For what its worth, I think its bs that you are treated like this with regard to your things, and that those who threw out your clothing and other things comitted criminal destruction of someone elses property. You have a mouth, and its good for more than scarfing burgers. ASK SOMEONE WHAT HAPPENED TO IT.[/quote]

Drwho has been given a 30-day ban on account of his continual harassment of ASS-P.

This is The Haven. If you have nothing constructive to say, keep your mouth shut.

No other doctors but the ones who ordered & administered those meds possibly owe you an apology beyond maybe saying "I'm sorry that happened to you." The ones who did give you those drugs aren't likely to ever apologize for it because they may feel that they made the best possible medical decision at the time to give you those drugs & aren't sorry for it. If they Do regret it, you aren't likely to hear an apology for it because if they were to say "I'm sorry I gave you those meds, I wish I didn't.." or "I shouldn't have.." etc then they'd be admitting to making a mistake & so many doctors are unlikely to admit mistakes that could cost them their careers. Hell, they might not want to admit it just because it might cost them their confidence & cause them to doubt other decisions past, present, or future. Whether it's right or not, I don't think you can Ever expect an apology from anyone who gave you those meds. As difficult as it must be, you have to try not to fret about it. You're best to forgive them for doing it, regardless of whether they made a mistake or whether they did their very best at the time given your symptoms and their training for available treatment options - it doesn't really matter which it is, it happened, they did it, and if you don't forgive them for it You are the one who is going to dwell on it forever and suffer for it. Those doctors may not have even given you a moment's thought in decades, or are dead by now. Harbouring anger towards them doesn't hurt them - it hurts you. That's why the power of forgiveness is so important for the forgiver.

As for helpful vs. God complex. These doctors are not the ones who gave you those drugs years ago. You essentially have to assume that these are better, good, doctors & that they are trying to help you and that everything they say/do will benefit you. You cannot operate under the assumption that they're going to make mistakes or intentionally harm you. They are not the same people that did that to you before, whether intentionally or by accident. I understand why you wouldn't trust doctors given your past history with them.. but these are entirely different human beings who may not have even been born yet when others gave you potent drugs. They're also likely better trained with more modern understandings of medicine and so on. They've done nothing to not have your trust in them. Give them a chance to help you. They are, after all, your very best chance.

Clothes, account, phone etc.. all things that we kinda need, yes, but they're not literally vitally important. Staying alive & healing is. Clothes, account, phone etc can wait until you're well enough to go deal with them w/o being AWOL AMA. If your phone dies and you're bored, entertain yourself with your imagination. Stay put & get medical attention, rest, food, water, medicine etc. All other things can wait. Pretend as if you're in a coma and cannot go deal with those things until later. The ONLY reason to leave and deal with anything is if there's some issue with ID or medi-whatever that healthcare providers tell you is going to result in you being cutoff from medical care & thrown out in the streets. THEN it is appropriate to request permission to go deal with the ID/medi-whatever issue & return to your room/bed ASAP. Otherwise literally e v e r y t h i n g else can wait. If you don't approach healing with this mentality this time around you will even further jeopardize any future opportunity for a bed at any sort of hospital or rehab place because they will document the fact that you keep leaving against medical advice & eating things that are detrimental to the health conditions you're supposed to be recovering from.

Unfortunately the psych industry had/has a lot of short comings. Unfortunately you grew up in an era when the industry put too much faith in pharmaceuticals and had forgotten about the value of compassion and humanity and how important those things are to people. It is very understandable you are still upset about what you were subjected to. I don't think you will ever get an apology from anyone for a number of reasons and I think you need to ask "Given that, how do I move on from this?"

I don't really have the answer for how to get rid of feelings from past traumas that have left lasting marks on your life but I wanted to let you know I understand.

You are not a ward of the facilities you are currently at and have the right to refuse treatment if you are not comfortable with it but they also have the right to refuse to treat you. So I hope you continue to allow them to treat you and when you are well enough to be released, work on getting permanent housing.

If you had permanent housing you would no longer have to worry about your stuff being thrown out all the time.

...I will say now that, although it's doubtful I will ever get it to happen, it is been my ambition to force a lsychatrist/psych ward worker/whatever to take some of their beloved Thorazine/Mellaril/whatever - physically force them to swallow it, and then, with them handcuffed or whatever, kick them in the face and/or guts, knees, whatever. Deliver them some pain. By their choice of profession/ job they are against me. They are my class enemy.
Yes, I could imagine some good people getting through and into the profession. I(This board was started by a psych, I know.) Yes, I acknowledge that some people feel helped by the same Thorazine/etc. that destroyed me. But, it is on my bucket list . Give them some of the pain ..
A foot in the face, or in the guts, after they've been forced to take the meds. Soit in the fave? Hit in stomach? Then, leave them alone, with the key nearby, with a " You'lll never get out of this one. Batman " comment or similar, as I leave, tape-recording myself doing so, sith the keys within reach they'll get themselves out eventually. No killing. No crippling. But give then some pain. Some hatred . I've done a teeny bit of being-homeless time already, so...
I don't know how I'd ever be able to worm my way close enough to someone now to do it, and as old and crippled as I am - But, even so.

How are they against you by their choice of job/profession? How do you know that healthcare worker has any intent to harm anyone? How do you know they're not trying to help you & people like you?

The kind of stuff that's happened to ASS-P does happen, unfortunately.

I can understand a person having fantasies of revenge based upon what happened.

But....to let what happened in the past affect the present, I feel, is counterproductive.

In a way, it's better for ASS-P to be pissed than for ASS-P to be apathetic about it, (though it is, in my opinion, ultimately, counterproductive to be actively pissed about it).

It shows he still has a desire to live.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. What I'd like to read in this thread is that ASS-P is doing well, he's lost a lot of water weight, his walking has improved, and his labs have been stabilized.

Yep. All that would be cool.

Mmhmm, but my point with the questions I posted was to make ASS-P think about his revenge fantasy and hopefully realize that intentionally harming someone who has had NO PARTY in harming ASS-P with drugs & physical assault is just plain wrong. That person, that doctor/nurse/whatever title has done nothing wrong against ASS-P by choosing their profession. They're not against him & people like him. They've chosen the career path they have for one of many reasons, which likely includes trying to help people like ASS-P - not harm them. Revenge carried out in that fashion would be extremely misguided and would victimize someone else who had no part in forcing meds etc on ASS-P decades ago. Also, it would be criminal. Regardless of laws, it would be very, very, wrong in absolutely every sense of the word & I'd STRONGLY suggest ASS-P merely fantasizes about revenge against anyone/everyone in the psychiatric profession if it makes him feel better to do so.. but to never ever, E V E R, actually act on it & carry it out.

OBVIOUSLY, ASS-p shouldn't act upon his "revenge fantasies." He would then have committed a felony, and would get a few years in prison.

And I don't believe ASS-P has any intention of acting upon them, anyway.

...Oneof my main problem is having so little computer stuff! (aside from the lack of knowledge) All I have is this tiny - and prone to work badly, or sometimes not work at all? recently, here in the hospital where I am still at, I was afraid that this phone had stopped working entirely a
a bit ago though it did get better , and I would not have any Internet connection untll I was out of here.
Such was not the case, it got better - but this phone is so small, just typing is so painstaking and time-consuming and I lose drafts here so often
Other people have at least basic laptops if nothing else . Reading stories at length here too is to taking up time and eyestraining, I end up not doing things .

...I've been here in the hospital two weeks now, it's ended ustreching out - I have received lots of Lasik, etc, and I have, on the good side, peed out much of that excess water weight . On The not so good side, I've been in the hospital during my birthday . I apparently have been kept here somewhat longer simply because they can't find a place to discharge me to and don't want to discharge me to the street. I guess it is good.to be here at length if it makes the CHF water weight go away .

I'm glad you're losing the water weight. Maybe I should sign into a hospital and go on Lasix myself. I could stand to lose about 20 pounds or so.

Way better to hang out in the hospital and heal than be discharged to the street for sure. Stay put long enough and they might just find you some form of more stable housing.