Rants

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I am so sick of people telling me I don't look my age.
I'm even thinking of putting my age down if that will make them happy, If people say to me about issues that effect 5o+ year olds I can say "But I have 20 or 30 years to go before I have that problem"
Or if they say about something that happened a long time ago like the moon landing I'll just say "that was long before my time" see how they like that.

It is hot, and I feel frustrated, furious and depressed at the same time. I've been really fed up lately with everything. It seems like I'm bound to do the same s**t, expend my little energy in a hopeless attempt to be something that I'm not, and go places that I can never be. Nothing ever changes, it's just the same s**t, over and over again, caught in a cosmic eddy and swirling in a stupid little circle alongside all the rest of the trash in the river. I'm so hot that I think I'm going to melt. f**k summer. I think I'm dying or something. My head is starting to hurt and I feel like crap. I been dealing with this same s**t for forever, and I keep doing this, cause I think that there's some point to it, like someone actually cares about my existence and wouldn't like to have me gone, but what if the whole thing is totally pointless and I'm just wasting my life suffering when no one gives a s**t and it's all just so f****d up that I can't even do this??! !!

I want to just delete everything on my hard drives, die a peaceful death and be buried alongside my computers. Fml

I'm tired of being made out to be the bad guy, when I try so goddamned hard to be a good guy. [this does not pertain to wrongplanet, btw]

I am going on vacation and two of my sisters can visit for a few days, the other has a wedding the same week I have off. We were going to do a big family get together for a week, now that wont happen.

Moving can drive anyone crazy. I've had a rough day, but I didn't get a lot accomplished.

So, I went to be earlier, had slept LONGER.

Had ate enough not to be hungry for the entire afternoon.

And fell asleep during an exercise just because it's goddamned cold. I got scorned for it despite how much effort and energy I put up to it for the next day. Of course no one said the room is cold, because it's already warm FOR THEM AT LEAST.
This cold weakness is getting ridiculous. It's always a nuisance to have this, whenever chances it happens. As it's one of the very few that could only make me sick or weak. I already have to deal with bringing a goddamned handkerchief or cloth whenever I go because of this stupid allergy, now I have to bring warm jackets every time? AND WHAT'S WORSE IT'S SUMMER. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SUMMER HEAT. AS MUCH AS I'M THE ONLY ONE COMPLAINING THAT THE ROOM IS TOO COLD FOR ME, BUT NEVER FOR EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE OF THE SUMMER HEAT. AND DESPITE HOW I TRIED TO TRAIN MYSELF TO BE MORE TOLERANT TO COLD, IT NEVER HAPPENED BECAUSE I KEPT BEING SICK, AND I DON'T LIKE TO STAY SICK, WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT I JUST END UP BEING LESS TOLERANT AGAINST HEAT IF I DO THAT INSTEAD!! I'm fine with a sensitive stomach because I can will it. When heat turns unbearable, I can will it more because the heat itself keeps me more awake than tired. BUT COLD MAKES ME FALL ASLEEP NO MATTER WHAT EVEN I'M NOT TIRED TO BEGIN WITH. AND IT'S A STUPID NUISANCE TO HAVE BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH WITH PEOPLE THINKING I HAVE A STUPID EXCUSE.

So many caps, so many lines... I can learn Body language nuisances, but not cold tolerance. Hahahaha. -.-

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

The jackass in the den is at it again. He's raised hell with me this evening for running the dishwasher more than one time a day, every day. First off, I don't run it several times a day, only when the amount of dishes demand it. I ran it a second time today because I found several dishes THAT HE SUPPOSEDLY WASHED, that were still dirty. His idea of washing dishes I'd run hot water over then, then put them back in the cabinets. I've worked in food service long enough to know that the smallest speck of dirt is cause enough for that disk or utensil must be rewashed. Second, he has no concept on how to load a dishwasher for the largest load and most efficient washing. Third, I never see his scrub down either the countertops or the range or clean out the crud from the dishwasher (and, to be fair, neither did i, until I saw the dishes weren't coming clean.

I swear this clown has an ulterior motive: namely, forcing me out of this place, especially after one of the other tenants and I tried to force him out after getting nothing but disrespect from him, the constant partying and serving underage guys alcohol, as well as eating my food and taking my computer equipment out of my room without my permission, and borrowing my phone and iPad without my permission while I'm not at home. If he wants to start playing that game with the dishes, I'll just start buying paper plates and plastic utensils for everyone's use, as well as aluminum foil for cooking.

a prime first world problem- some hapless bug committed kinetic hara kiri on me windshield and splattered its bug guts in the lower portion of my windshield where the washer fluid refuses to go, so i ended up smearing its opaque nasty yellow custard matter all over my windshield with the wiperblades in an attempt at clearing it off, resulting in a nasty custard yellow film across my driver's side windshield. DAMN!

I want to say a big f**k YOU to everyone on this forum, another forum I'm on, and in real life, who has been treating me like s**t when I haven't done ANYTHING to them.

I'm so tired of being silenced and I hate how easy it is for people online to silence others. On Facebook, on Twitter, on Tumblr, etc. I hate how superior they act when they try to tell me I'm the one who's wrong without actually explaining how I'm wrong or where I posted wrongness. I hate that people have been trying to silence my voice for so long, especially when I've finally found it and I'm trying so d*** hard to do good, to help make the world a better place and all they care about are their d*** opinions and how I don't communicate like them so I'm some sort of freak who doesn't deserve respect because I refuse to kowtow to their views.

I HATE how they claimed they were my friends, how they said they "got" me, which would only mean that if they really did "get" me then they gave zero F***s about me and were nothing like a friend. A real friend doesn't block someone with no explanation and then talk behind their back about what a horrible person they are. A real friend doesn't come on to a board and tell someone that they just need to shut up or risk losing their "friends." Bull crap. They were the farthest things from friends I could get and they stabbed me in the back because I dared to lower my guard and trust them! How they can even feel good about insulting someone, ganging up on them, and shutting them down and silencing them I don't even know.

I hate that they made it that much more difficult for me to even want to leave my house, to socialize (hahahhahaha). I've become so bitter and angry I don't want to deal with people, I never want to open myself up again, I cannot trust anyone ever again. They didn't care at all about me, they just cared about themselves and being "right." Even though they didn't actually disagree with me, it was just "the way you word things" being the problem. Really? Having over 30 people decide that I'm not worth anything because they don't like how I communicate even though my message is actually fine?? That's worth stabbing me in the back over?? AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR THEM! It hurts so f***ing much I want to stab myself in the chest to make the pain stop, but they're not worth it. They can try to silence me, they can shut me out, but I'm still allowed to write, I'm still allowed to speak. I just wish I hadn't trusted them in the first place.

I don't know what to rant about. Isn't this rant-worthy in its own right?

the people who think they can climb the ladder of success, then pull it up behind them so nobody else can follow them, can all go suck eggs AFAIC.

I'm discovering that there are more things missing, important things, that my husband threw out... I found a bag in the garage he had missed and managed to go through it and found my mom's baby shoes, and all the shoes the kids still wear. I'm glad I found those... but I wish I'd been able to save all the other things, like the Build-a-Bear animals his parents gave the kids with specially recorded messages... You can't replace that.

Nothing he says can make it better. Nothing he does can make it better. Everything is gone, and he didn't even respect me enough to let me help, he just threw it all out. He didn't even tell me until I got home. He didn't even listen to my brother who was warning him against it.

I don't even know how I feel about it. Betrayed? Angry, hurt, depressed, hopeless, like just curling up in a ball and crying... I feel like he didn't even think about us, like all he cared about was getting rid of as much of the kids' stuff as possible. I wish there was something I could do to make this all feel better... I don't know what to do, I just want to leave and go be alone... but he ran off to hang out with his friends... so I don't even get that.

I would like to preface that what I state below, may be exaggerated.... I'm just fired up and sick of my choices.

I am so pissed off at myself. All I can think about lately, is the fact that I have metaphorically shot myself in both feet. My first mistake was that I dropped out of college when I was 19. I started out studying auto mechanics, which I loved. I was working at an auto shop, on my way to a successful career as a auto mechanic. I was forced into management, and things became so shady that I ended up leaving and that industry left a horrible taste in my mouth. I went into the veterinary industry after that, working my way up the chain of seniority. I was in that field for several years and that's where I made my second massive mistake. I listened to what people "thought" I should be doing with my life. I listened to them and I believed them. People have always told me that I am really merciful (which is true to a certain degree), and that I would be "good at" helping people. So, I made my third massive mistake by going into direct ministry. Working with hurting people directly. What I've come to truly understand is that what I really want to do.. is freaking work on cars, and not with people. I've learned that I absolutely can't stand being around people constantly. People coming to me with all of their traumatic issues takes such a toll on me. I literally want to never speak to people again. It's such a difficult job and it's sucking all of my energy out of my life. I just want to go back to school, finish my degree, and then go back for an engineering degree. I want to work on cars, design stuff, and be in the mechanical industry. I want to be as far away from people as I can possibly be. Screw everything that I've been told, I'm going to do what I want.

End rant.

I need to keep positive momentum going for once. I get tired/overwhelmed and slack on taking care of myself, and suddenly I'm overreacting and in stasis again. I wish I had an instant refresh button.

No more insane communication attempts, either. Its ridiculous and draining.