Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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I am not covetous, and I'm not grasping. It's dehumanizing because I am aware of more than you think.

Dear myself,

I don't understand...

Yourself.

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Dear idiot

I owe you nothing, not even common courtesy.

From me.

Dear Mum,

I apologize for taking after the Germans in reality. I'm lost without my toy helmet.

Your sad, distant Schultzie

Dear Mum,
You've always seen it haven't you? Yet you refuse to believe it. You never took me to get help, even though I can't stand it when different foods on my plate touch, when it's too loud, certain textures. You never took me to get help even when I was disconnected from everyone from school and the only people who talked to me were the bullies who taunted me and the teachers who ignored my 'issues' for less paperwork. You never thought your daughter being obsessed with niche areas, that I loved excessively but were irregular and inconsistent with the norm. And you dismissed my other issues too, like how I wrote letters backwards and got parts of words mixed up. Or how I can't stay focused on anything, even my obsessions that I always come back to for long. To you I was just a 'perfectly normal child' and you saying that is making a diagnosis so difficult. You've never seen me properly, mother. Isn't it clear that this isn't right?
From
Your least favourite daughter

To someone, somewhere... Somehow if chances let me.

I'll be here, if chances let me.

If you need me, just come and ask me.
If you want me, just come and ask me.
Don't worry for I don't expect anything in return. As I don't have much of a need except for simple human decency.
You can choose to keep coming to me, or ditch me. For I will be fine regardless.

I won't judge. I won't point fingers. But I won't compliment and sugar coat things either.
Unless you meant to incur my wrath, I will be patient.
And even if I still have this touch of innocence, I'll listen, and I will ask out of curiousity if you won't mind... And learn things from it. I will still do my best, to be here.

I'll be here, if chances let me.

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Dear Job Coach,

I really hope that you realize what a mistake you've made by forcing to choose between my job and my blue metal helmet. You've got me second guessing all the changes that I've made over the past 4 months and the pride that I've built up over the past three weeks is teetering on the tip of a pyramid. Expect to see me 40 lbs lighter within three months. I've been having cold flashes all evening and my appetite has hit rock bottom. I was doing my chores intensly all evening to keep my mind off the fact that - that comfort object of mine was missing and so I could spend more hours at Stepping Stones where I've left the helmet, just so I can wear it for as many hours as I can. I wore the German colours today. I didn't care what my mum might think, which she didn't and that was a pleasant surprise. I really needed a morality booster. I've been training myself to think that it's junk food that I'm not in the mood for, so that I'll have it in me to eat my regular meals. If my boss mentions anything about my rapid weight loss, I'll just tell you that I've cut out the junk food due to desire instead of emotion.

Schultz, soon to be Ray Davies

Dear you,

You'll never read this, so why the hell am I writing it? Screw it!

Dear you

I let the first snide comment slide because of the chaos you are experiencing in your home life, but you can expect the response you got yesterday every time you make a dig at me from now on.

Sincerely me

Dear -------,

I wish you could find other ways to assert your boundaries than announcing in front of everyone that you "don't want" me at certain events or you "won't tell" me certain information. I know you don't mean it, but it makes me feel so small and silly - as though I'm a crazy, needy person who expects to be privy to every little detail of your life (I'm not, and I don't!). I wish I could be open with you about how anxious and paranoid it makes me, and how it makes me fret about every little thing I say and do in case I seem like a control freak; but I know you won't understand or listen.

Dear Mum

Dear ms,
Wish it could be somehow within my powers

Dear ______

I know you probably don't want to resume any kind of friendship, and that's fine; I've never told you to do anything other than what you want. But don't ever expect me to apologise for telling you the truth about how you were isolated and cut off from ______ and ______ by your family for no good reason. I'm not sorry for trying to let you know that you were very much wanted and liked by others when you'd had the wool pulled over your eyes and been deceived into thinking otherwise by those who falsely claim to care about you (but who are really only interested in control and possession).

And _______, I think you and I both know you're never going to be happy until you break away from your family's control and take your life into your own hands. I just hope you realise this before it's too late for you to change.

Your erstwhile friend,
walrusgumboot

Hi Grandpa.

Happy birthday. I miss you.

Love,
E

Dear you

I wish you hadn't done that, it has left me shuddering each time it comes back into my mind.

From me