Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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f**k you man, f**k you. How dare you make me feel like this about myself. Every time I have to explain myself to you it takes so much energy, and you don't listen - you clearly don't respect me. How can you say that you care when you are wilfully ignoring how f*****g miserable this has made me. I tried really hard, I actually shared how I was feeling, which is something I don't do, ever, just to make you see that this isn't going to go anywhere. I'm not some broken thing that you can fix, and while I was initially sad that I wasn't able to make a relationship work (against all my instincts and experience), I'm way past that now. You say you want to understand me but you ignore everything I say. You ignored the fact I was clearly upset and gave me a load of s**t about stuff I had already explained to you. I tried, man, but I don't have to justify myself to you like this. And since I already ended it, what do you think I owe you anyway? You 'won't give up on us'?!?! OH MY GOD .

If you think you're being romantically stubborn, please know you are actually harassing me. f**k you.

What went wrong? Why don't you like me any more? What did I do wrong?

Why were you so enthusiastic and now you're not?

I don't understand and it really hurts. You have no idea how much you've hurt me.

I don't really know. Just, don't know...

Mm...
What seems to be fun in the moment isn't always good in the long run.

Aww my god, standing around and hugging each other and saying "I love you" and being a mushy s**t doesn't solve any of my problems.

I am a bored and lonely person. What do I do?
...Probably nothing, 'cause that's what I always do...

Rawrrr. Ugh, blehhhhh. Look, I'm a blob. A blobbity blob blob. Blah.

I'm gonna go make faces in the mirror, 'cause that's amusing... I'm amusing.. guh.

I wanna have a conversation. Conversations are fun.

....Ehhh, what is fun?

Honestly if everything is either hard or unpleasant or overwhelming, why not just do nothing at all?

But, I don't think that's a very good decision... and I can feel the ramifications of it being NOT. Urrr. big-time.

But, why do I keep on just not caring?

.... 'Cause I don't know what to do.

And I don't wanna talk to anybody 'cause I'm too scared to talk to people...

Why?

hurtloam, what's up with that picture? it is scary
is it there ... to scare?

I thought you were Grisha. I kinda miss him.

I used to look at you and feel butterflies, now I just feel pain

I will make it through the day.
One thing at a time, it can be accomplished.
Everything is manageable. (....I hope.)


(....With a shit-ton of work it can be accomplished. I don't know if I can do that. ....But then again, if I don't do anything, then things will just keep on being as they are... and that's not good.
Soo I guess I don't really have a choice.

So I'll try. The best I can. That's the most I can do.

Whatever happens happens. And I will deal with the consequences. And I will live through them.
That is all. That is how I will keep existing.

Because life is beautiful and many things can happen so I should try my best in the moment so that I can enjoy my life in the moment.

Everything will pass, and even if it doesn't, I can find a way to live with it.

"It's okay."

That's my mantra, but is it really true?

Is ignorance really bliss? I don't feel very blissful.

....What is bliss, anyway?

Even when you hurt really bad, you still have to get up in the morning.

Even when you know you're gonna have a sh***y day, and you know that things are going to suck, and you know that you're going to feel pain, you have to keep trying.

It seems blind and pointless in the moment, and at times you might start to question that logic-- what's the point in trying if everything sucks and there's no-- but the bottom line, is you have to. It seems so, so stupid and pointless if you think about it, but I know it works, because we tried it and it worked before.
We dragged through the yucky and got what we needed. And that's why we're still here now.

Even if no one is there to encourage you or tell you that, just keep telling yourself "I can do this. I can do this."
I don't care if anyone else believes in you, I don't care if your family doesn't believe in you, your peers don't believe in you, your parents don't believe in you.... I believe in you, and the best person who can believe in you is yourself, because
you know yourself best.
I also love you, and loving yourself is a good thing to do, even if you don't feel love on the outside.

And right now? I think we can do this. Chances are, you aren't going to die tomorrow.
As long as you don't die, you keep on living.
As long as you live, you keep on trying.
And as long as you try, even if everything hurts right now, there's always the possibility that things will get better.

Dear anonymous

I hope you feel really good about stealing $40 from me. The money doesn't bother me but the fact you think I am too stupid to notice does. Not only do I know you did it, but I know why you did it, so you can go gamble. Apparently its not enough to blow through your money, you have to blow through mine too.