Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear Human,
Your words don't affect me. I am my own individual.

Regardless of what you say, it won't change who I am.

So.

Dear Younger me,
In case you hate your life now, let me just tell you to wait 10 more years. It will only get worse before it gets better....and then gets worse again.

I am so over you. I can't believe what a pathetic person you are. I don't think you even know what you want. I deserve someone so much better than you, and I think you knew that all along...

This is not directed at anyone on the forum btw.

And you know what? I actually saw something good in you. I really did care about you. I defended you and you don't even know it.

I hope things work out for you, but i kind of think they won't because you're just so pathetic and such a mess that I don't even think you'd take hold of a good thing if you had it in front of you.

You're an idiot and you've made this problem for yourself. I can't even put into words how disappointed I am in you and that just makes me feel sad because you have such potential.

All the best for the future because I sure as hell won't be in it.

I still think of you sometimes.

But only sometimes.

Dear me,
Don’t compare yourself to other people. It won’t leave you very satisfied.

“Who you are" is just a state of existence. Nothing more than that.

So don’t worry about what you can or can’t accomplish.

To Denis Istomin,

You had an outstanding Australian Open-making the fourth round and moving from number 117 to number 80! Congratulations!

To Roger and Rafa:

Back in the top ten, where you belong, although you deserve to be much higher!

Dear Sleep,

Please, come
I'll make us tea
You bring the dreams
Try to be quick
I'm loosing my mind
I want you
I need you
Please, hurry

Dear Everyone,

Why did you always treat me differently to every one else? Why couldn't we even just be friends?

Dear --

You are a dumb f**k,

Sincerely, DJ

Dear Dad,

Die in a fire,

I see what you are trying to do, and as much as your preach about it, its not in my best interest, you have never been in my best interest. I am not an idiot, I know how you play and you will fail, f**k you, kill yourself, should have been you to hold a barrel of death to your head

Dear 'Voices in my Head',

I'd kindly like you to stop sending my conscience all these fantastical quips on how now smart I am.

Furthermore, stop abusing the fact that I am a sad excuse of a person and pretty much will believe everything bad that comes at me. Plus, I already know that I am all these things, so please. Stop.

Best regards, Mcphologer.

P.S. It will never stop, will it?

I don't understand you.

I don't know if I'll ever understand you.

I'm still trying to make sense of you.

It doesn't bug me anymore.

But I still don't understand why.

If you have a problem, tell somebody about it.

Don't keep it inside yourself, and take it out on someone else.

The only one you're hurting is yourself, and the other person.



The only one who knows is me.

No one else knows.

To everyone else, nothing ever happened.

I don't really remember.

Maybe it's better that I don't remember.

If you asked me to name a specific incidence, I couldn't give you one.



But what I can say is that when you have emotions, they don't turn off.

-And it gets scary feeling scared all the time and feeling like you have to hide from someone all the time.

-I could not recognize you as the same person.

-People, all your friends think they know you, think you're nice. But they don't.
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-People can have multiple faces.

-You switch between faces, but I know you have humanity.

-Do monsters cry when they hurt people?

It confuses me to see you now, because the person I see doesn't correlate with the person I remember.

It's like you are two separate individuals.

I want to believe that the memories are just nightmare, but it is real.

I am the only one that knows.

I don't really remember.

I don't really understand.

Dear you and you and you and you

Some of you were members before I joined, and because of you and your contributions to WP, I joined. You have all moved on now. Some of you joined after me and for various reasons, no long participate on WP. You are that small group of members who, in very different ways, inspired me, illuminated me, taught me, comforted me, supported me, and helped me heal from the residual stress and pain left over from the old, undiagnosed, unsuspected life I lived for many decades on the spectrum but unaware of it. You welcomed me into this tribe, you supported me in respectful ways while I found my feet here in those early days. I hope I have managed to pass on at least some of what you once passed on to me. You taught me and gave me things that the most informed books on autism could not - acceptance and encouragement, perspective and understanding. I miss you all and wish you were still here.