Rants

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This goddamn paradox is killing me.

I have no friends here, but want to meet new people, but there's nothing to do here solo. At least if i was 18 i could barhop.

I have agoraphobia, fear of the outdoors and can't leave the house alone without feeling uncomfortable. I can do it, but don't enjoy it.

To cure my agoraphobia, either I have to leave the house with a friend or family member until I get comfortable going on my own, or start going out more on my own anyway.

But there's NOTHING to ever do here for fun solo, and like I said i have no friends to go anywhere with anyway!

Screw trying to learn to be happy being alone. I AM!

I spend every day on my hobbies and interests, work hard to be healthy, volunteer 1-2 days a week, go to a social group for disabled people.

But have no friends or relationship outside of that.

And don't even think about telling me I have the opportunity to really 'know myself'.

I know myself like a book. Every nuance, every detail. I have searched, discovered and mapped and recorded nearly every fibre of my being and understand myself more than I ever have before last year and this year due to my extensive time in solitary and isolation.

Who the f*ck wants to know themselves anymore? i want to know OTHERS. i want to get to know new people and discover new people.

I can discern every thought, every action I carry out.

I have mastered my metacognition. I know why I might think a certain thought or think the way I do, in a few minutes of sitting down I can analyse, discern and extract all motivations concious or sub-concious behind each and every thought or action and find my logic or rationale for such actions and what possible biological or psychological factors may have influenced such a descision.

My mind is riddled with logical fallacies and other errors of calculation but I am AWARE of when I do them.

I know when I'm resorting to a logical fallacy or when my mind tries to justify me not doing something.

So yeah. I f*cking know myself.

I'm getting really sick of the way people are treating Mikie1091. This whole thing is making me really nervous. I guess it's just in my nature, to want to stick up for "low-functioning" or "weird" people. But all he did was ask some innocent questions, accusing him of spamming and whatnot. And I realize that it's against the "rules" to create multiple threads. But I wish people would just leave him alone, and realize that it's NOT SO BIG OF A DEAL. He only comes once in a while. And I just think it's so unfair that innocent people who never meant to do any harm get reported 1000 times, while people can say the most horrible things and not have anything done. But I guess the way of the world. What you say can be as offensive as anything, but if it's not against the "rules", nothing can be done. Also, I wish that on an autism forum people would be more accepting of members who are not like them, and perhaps communicate differently, or lack awareness of social cues. It seems like some people are accepting of people with autism or intellectual disabilities, but only if they do everything the right way and are enough like them. Which really isn't accepting them at all.

You're right, AP. Absolutely right.

I'm just trying to get him to go beyond the zone where he has to post identical threads.

Don't want to spend my whole life working my ass off just for the pleasure of living a long and comfortable life being completely miserable and lonely. There's no future for someone like me. There's only one logical option but I'm too scared to do it yet.

Just another dissapointment, in a long series of dissapointments. Time to go to sleep and forget today.

Who the F*CK swears under their goddamn breath in anger just because you knocked on the bathroom door and I said I was in there multiple times and stopped them when they tried to open the door?! !! !

I dont care if you just woke up in the morning, I spoke at a reasonable volume level and if you didnt hear me thats your own damn responsibility, and if you get so pissed about something so trivial, you are a motherf*cking a55h*le!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

You never take responsibility for yourself, not just in this situation but in all areas of life in general you hypocritical piece of sh*t...

bet its my fault if i dont speak loud enough and you dont hear, bey its my own fault if i dont hear you if its the other way round??

I hate it when someone shares a bunch of depressing stuff in a message while they're just still getting to know me. I am not heartless and I feel so much but I think it's inconsiderate to just do that to someone they don't know well. I do care but I wasn't ready. I don't know how to respond to that s**t. It's awkward.

sometimes i wish some people would just say that the facts are against them but they don't care.

To R,

Stop being such a miserable twat.
No one wants to hear your whining.

From R.

Grrr, having a miserable day, came here to relax and ran into several posts that aggravated me even more and the forum is full of spam again

I'll piss off now.

^^Hugs.
I can't stand school. Only twenty-five more days...

Then you graduate!

I SWEAR TO MYSELF

If I ever own things, it wouldn't be more of an annoyance than it's usage. Slow booting, frequently hanging, virus filled gadgets and computers. Then those cabinets with little or no support that only allows light objects, or practically NOTHING. Or a box with holes and a semi broken lock. Or I hope not a vehicle with tons of maintenance and easily runs out of gas on a full tank on a less than a mile journey.


I don't just dislike needy people huh? Or having needs itself. I guess I also dislike needy OBJECTS.

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Thanks for being such a crap mother.

Your neglect taught me to be independent and your abuse taught me to be strong.
What I endured taught me to put my mind in another place entirely.
You tortured me and I survived.

So don't bother telling me I'm going to hell.
I've already been there a thousand times.

You ONLY get to encounter me, and you're barely right half the time because you're trying TOO HARD. It's annoying It's like correcting 7 on 3 + 4 = 7 written in a clear writing.

I goddamned KNEW that and I WOULD do so but then you thought I DIDN'T. Like I said, it's annoying, and you're not teaching me anything but to remind me WHY I should give up on you people.

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Oh pitiful existence, lacking in meaning or purpose.
Let us bask in our pre-determined, self-inflicted sorrow!
If for but a brief microsecond in the universal timeline of the short-lived "happiness"..! !
Contrary to nihilism, we search dearly for what one defines as 'meaning'.
We crave it, feel hunger and insatiability for anything less than perfection in the search for success and glory.
But to no avail.
For it is a futile attempt.
The world remains a pattern of ever re-occuring patterns.
We are but one brief minute in the cyclically structured human history and psyche.
And, even less so in the history of all that has ever was, is and has will be.
So, we move onwards.
For to dwell too much on such thoughts...
Will take any pitiful enjoyment one may feel out of life, and suck it dry.
It is not ideal for the body, mind nor soul to deny it a sense of meaning and purpose.
Mindless consumption of meaningless dribble to pander to my body...
and activate it's chemicals for positive emotions I shall!
Do what I can to survive in this life....
And then enjoy it I will!
It is meaningless? Lacking in purpose?
I'll do it anyway!
For is it not just as pointless to be inactive rather than active in one's life?
So, henceforth, and pitiful, empty, hollow existence, here I come!
And every miserable minute of it I will enjoy!