Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselling Thread

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I caved, why? Do I even want to or is it because I need to? f**k, I just want out.

I finally did away with my pill pusher's contact info, so I'm all set there. However, the lure of the fact that heroin is 10x cheaper than oxycodone lingers in the back of my mind.

Trying to do the same. I've read somewhere that a cities pollution affects your lungs more then 5 cigs a day.

Heavenly abyss (sort of) has a point. The ritual associated with the drug is part of the addiction. I've heard that even knowledgeable morphine chemists see their cooking as a "japanese tea ceremony" kind of thing.

Well I don't know anything about that, my opiate experiences consist of the few times I've been hooked up with vicodin. As for cannabis though I would say I do tend to look at the buds and admire the quality and such, maybe smell it to get kind of a pre-effect(I don't know if non-cannabis smokers get this from the smell of weed) then eventually grind it up and smoke it. Not quite a japanese tea ceremony though.

As to tabaco addiction the pills for it reduce the urge. For me the habit of going out for a smoke out do my will power all the time. It has been made worce by substatuting one drug for an other.
Traided tobaco for opiates and cafen for alcohol. But still want the others all the time.

So I was getting a little worried I was alcoholic...but i checked myself went 24 hours with no alcohol whatsoever...I mean I admit my memory has been getting foggy ever since the PTSD symptoms decided to really bombard me. Anyways nothing unusual happened over that so i can still say I drink but am not overdoing it...since i had no withdrawls.

But I came to another realization as well though I am not addicted to a specific substance...I am essentially in ongoing psychological pain and sometimes physical depending on how severe the psychological symptoms are. So I want relief...I feel like depending on the 'relief' I could get carried away. I mean to be honest I'd rather smoke weed and still have minor amounts of back pain than take opiates every day and have no back pain.

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Last edited by OliveOilMom on 25 May 2012, 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

nevermind...

Ive been doing good about not doing any drugs... Ive had a pretty bad struggle with them for about 5-6 years now and I was finally clean. I hadnt done anything for over a month. It was the first time ive been able to pass a drug test since I became an adult. I got dumped about a week ago and I am not proud of it but yesterday I did any drug I could get my hands on (Wich turned out to be quite a few, I barely remember last night), and also managed to pick smoking back up... wtf... I hate myself =/

Why is it whenever I think about what smoking cigarettes could do to my body, I have the urge to smoke a cigarette?

It's probably ads
"Smoking will make you sexy and available"
etc

Went exploring around a certain city in my area that people from Vermont have been known to flock to in order to get their fix. I'm from Massachusetts. Didn't cop any dope, but I feel like this is where things are heading, despite my being over 30 days sober.
Was a crappy day in general, so I really was yearning for that opiate bliss. When I'm on those, I can just chain-smoke and smile at the world. Hell, I'm not even afraid to look people in the eye.
I only had a small window of time, and the sun was going down, so I didn't stay long. Still, I have the feeling things might have been different had I been wandering around for say, 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon.
Times like this make me wish my old dealer and I hadn't parted ways. Other times, I'm glad we did.
Bleh- maybe I do need a sponsor.

I was tryng to cut down and now I'm drunk on 101 proof Rum wondering why the hell I wanted to cut down in the first place. So anyways I'm drunk right now and I don't want to come down.,,,What the hell is wrong with me I want someone to get close, but I won't let anybody in....just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm like... three times your age... and I'm as alone as you are and still searching/wondering!
plus I am asdrunk as a skunk
What the hell is wrong with me I want someone to get close, but I won't let anybody in....just don't know what to do anymore.
Ditto THAT
Ruined
Helpless
Hopeless
Beyond salvation
Save her
Not me

Well uhh, I think I had one too many last night.... and when I woke up this morning I proceeded to drink an entire cup of water sitting on the table which made me vomit, if only I had just sipped the water. But yeah somehow I tend to remain quite coherant and aware when I drink(it mostly puts me in a better mood and decreases all the constant anxious thoughts and such going on in my brain) so sometimes I don't quite realise when I've had enough especially when it comes to hard alcohol. Apparently though my body notices.

I just had one of those 'I'm an idiot' moments...there is no reason to take a shot of 101 proof rum, a mixed drink maybe. But yeah damn that was brutal. I guess I've done worse but still.