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Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

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kraftiekortie
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05 Dec 2017, 9:02 pm

When you feel like self-harming, Ms. Dragon, just read up on the neuropathological aspects of autism...



dragonsanddemons
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05 Dec 2017, 10:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
When you feel like self-harming, Ms. Dragon, just read up on the neuropathological aspects of autism...


I can try that as a way to distract myself when my brain is up to it. Oftentimes when I want to self-harm, it's at times my brain isn't functioning well, or my brain isn't functioning well because it's distracted by the urge. At such times, I don't know that I'd really comprehend what I'd read.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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06 Dec 2017, 8:32 am

Good morning Dragons.
What you up to today?



kraftiekortie
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06 Dec 2017, 9:40 am

She's probably doing Genius Stuff now.

She might be reading about Courchesne's Theory pertaining to the "autistic brain."



dragonsanddemons
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06 Dec 2017, 11:13 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
She's probably doing Genius Stuff now.

She might be reading about Courchesne's Theory pertaining to the "autistic brain."


Not unless sleeping counts as Genius Stuff :lol: I've slept horribly the past few nights, so I slept in today. Reading about the neuropathology of autism will come when my brain is fully awake.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


Temeraire
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06 Dec 2017, 11:17 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
She's probably doing Genius Stuff now.

She might be reading about Courchesne's Theory pertaining to the "autistic brain."


Not unless sleeping counts as Genius Stuff :lol: I've slept horribly the past few nights, so I slept in today. Reading about the neuropathology of autism will come when my brain is fully awake.


Good for you having lay in today - sounds like you needed it.
I know it is early days but how are the new meds going?



dragonsanddemons
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06 Dec 2017, 11:25 am

Temeraire wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
She's probably doing Genius Stuff now.

She might be reading about Courchesne's Theory pertaining to the "autistic brain."


Not unless sleeping counts as Genius Stuff :lol: I've slept horribly the past few nights, so I slept in today. Reading about the neuropathology of autism will come when my brain is fully awake.


Good for you having lay in today - sounds like you needed it.
I know it is early days but how are the new meds going?


I really don't know yet, it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. I was really tired last night after taking my first lithium and a lorazepam, but that might just be because I woke up at 3AM yesterday and couldn't get back to sleep. I only just took the new dosage of Abilify a short while ago since I'm supposed to take it in the morning.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
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06 Dec 2017, 11:38 am

I agree. I'm glad you were able to get some rest. Definitely.

You have all the time in the world, Ms. Dragon.

Did you have a nice breakfast?



dragonsanddemons
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06 Dec 2017, 11:49 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I agree. I'm glad you were able to get some rest. Definitely.

You have all the time in the world, Ms. Dragon.

Did you have a nice breakfast?


All I had were a few chocolate covered toffees, but they were delicious. I wasn't feeling very hungry but really ought to eat something, at least, before taking my morning meds.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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06 Dec 2017, 11:58 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I agree. I'm glad you were able to get some rest. Definitely.

You have all the time in the world, Ms. Dragon.

Did you have a nice breakfast?


All I had were a few chocolate covered toffees, but they were delicious. I wasn't feeling very hungry but really ought to eat something, at least, before taking my morning meds.


I have a couple of cookies to get me through the morning and soak up my meds.
I should eat more earlier in the day but I cannot either.



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06 Dec 2017, 12:03 pm

Re Lithium - it is a mood stabiliser. Additionally it can help to reduce suicidal thoughts - I was prescribed it for this reason. I took it for about a year, but then went through (and am still going though on and off) anxiety about being able to swallow pills so stopped taking it along with everything else I was on. I wish I hadn't as it did help with my suicidal thoughts but my psychiatrist won't prescribe it for me again, I'm not sure if there is an option other than the tablets that I struggle to swallow. I'm currently on orodispersible olanzapine - but this is being changed to aripiprazole, and imipramine which are tiny tablets which I can usually force down.

I have been in psychiatric hospital on several occasions due to my suicidal thoughts and self harm. I need to got out now but can write more about that later if you want. Note I'm in the UK so my experience might be different to where you are.


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06 Dec 2017, 12:52 pm

I am sorry that you have been sleeping so badly recently, but I am glad you got a lot of rest today. When I was a kid, I always used to sleep in on the weekends. I hope the medications work for you & eliminate your suicidal thoughts.



How does your father feel about you? Is he just as supportive as your mother is?



Do you still like to play with Merlin & take him for a walk?



More big hugs.



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06 Dec 2017, 1:03 pm

300series wrote:
I am sorry that you have been sleeping so badly recently, but I am glad you got a lot of rest today. When I was a kid, I always used to sleep in on the weekends. I hope the medications work for you & eliminate your suicidal thoughts.



How does your father feel about you? Is he just as supportive as your mother is?



Do you still like to play with Merlin & take him for a walk?



More big hugs.


I don't like to talk about things that are more serious/personal with my dad because he has a tendency to yell at me about how I'm lazy, don't care, and/or am not trying hard enough if he doesn't like something I say or have/haven't done, and ignores me when I try to explain that I did the best I could. I don't feel like I can trust him not to just insult me if I discuss such things with him (for example, one time I was trying to explain to him how sometimes I can't speak no matter how hard I try, and he interrupted me mid-sentence to say "No, I think you just don't want to.")

I do still feel better after taking Merlin for a walk. Unfortunately it was really windy yesterday and the day before, which I have major sensory issues with, so I haven't been keeping up with adding in an extra daily walk.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
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06 Dec 2017, 1:07 pm

Alas, the Great Plains is quite a windy place.

Do you enjoy going, say, on I-70, and just watching the great expanse of the Great Plains?



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06 Dec 2017, 1:24 pm

YellowBanana wrote:
Re Lithium - it is a mood stabiliser. Additionally it can help to reduce suicidal thoughts - I was prescribed it for this reason. I took it for about a year, but then went through (and am still going though on and off) anxiety about being able to swallow pills so stopped taking it along with everything else I was on. I wish I hadn't as it did help with my suicidal thoughts but my psychiatrist won't prescribe it for me again, I'm not sure if there is an option other than the tablets that I struggle to swallow. I'm currently on orodispersible olanzapine - but this is being changed to aripiprazole, and imipramine which are tiny tablets which I can usually force down.

I have been in psychiatric hospital on several occasions due to my suicidal thoughts and self harm. I need to got out now but can write more about that later if you want. Note I'm in the UK so my experience might be different to where you are.


Ah, OK. I didn't see anything about it being used for suicidal thoughts in what I read about it, but that certainly doesn't mean it isn't. I guess that's probably why I was put on it, too.

If you want to tell me about your experiences being in a psychiatric hospital, great - I know it might be different here kn the US, but more information will probably make me a bit less nervous anyway. No pressure if you're not comfortable with it, though :)


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
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06 Dec 2017, 1:25 pm

I believe you should make sure you are not put in a "state" hospital. They tend to be worse, in general, than private hospitals.