What’s on your mind? The Haven version.

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I feel depressed.
It's cloudy and the temperature drops 20 degrees.
The feet are worn out
I suddenly realized that I missed all the job opportunities.
My friend who live in my rental house is noisy, like to open the windows, and like the cold. They are all a bit annoying.

It's just that nothing can make me happy, otherwise I can bear all this

I saw this passage in a meme, in the style of 4ch

I will never own my own home. My purpose is to provide value to my employer. I will move thousands of miles away from my family because there are no other desirable jobs locally. I will become a meaningless cog in a large, indifferent machine. My income will be eaten up by taxes, rent, and car payments. I will spend one-third of my life sleeping and another third working. The remaining third will mostly be occupied by chores and menial tasks. I will be too exhausted to do anything meaningful with the precious free time I have left. I will visit my family once or twice a year and watch them slowly fade from my life until they die. I live in the most prosperous era in human history.

Even worse.
Girlfriend again talks about her pain of being ignored.Every time she protested, she became more and more serious.
There's nothing I can do.
I hope the relationship will last until next month, and we can do the long-awaited seven-day holiday in Luoyang together.Long-awaited by me.

Ever since the panic attack I had yesterday at work I've been feeling all anxious and a bit depressed. I've spent most of today in bed (it's the weekend). I just feel worried in case they fire me because these panic attacks are becoming a frequent thing at work now, I'm always finding myself storming into the office crying and slamming doors. I just can't help myself, I get so frustrated at all the rules that just don't make sense to me, these rules are stupid and petty and aren't important to most people except this stupid supervisor who doesn't let us cut any corners. But sometimes you have to cut corners when you're busy and trying to do several tasks at once to get your work up to a good standard. Knowing the supervisor is watching everything on cameras now doesn't do my nerves any good, it's like Big Brother. That's what sent me into an angry panic attack.

Just punched my head as a punishment of how pathetic I am. I really hate myself.

I'm just under a lot of stress and the slightest thing can set me off into a self-loathing frenzy. I do truly hate myself. I really, really do.

I just want to whack my head so hard and so repetitively that this nasty brain inside it will bleed until I die. Serves me right for being an Aspie. I didn't ask for this cruel s**t.

It's because I'm frightened. So scared of my security. So scared of what the government is going to do. I don't want to work any more but can't claim, and even if I did claim it will all be taken away from me once Reform get in. Because everyone thinks that getting rid of immigrants is going to make everything super. Nobody's seeing the bigger picture. Conservatives are dangerous.

Well idk I don't want to die...I just have a huge fear of missing out on things, so like I dont want to die because I will miss out on a lot when I do. Like I wish there was a way for me to stay around once I passed, but I don't think that tech exists right now. Like its still at the stages of cartoon shows playing with that theme of that but there is nothing real yet for it. and people say it might suck to live forever like you will have multiple lovers that will die while you just keep aging. But idk juust the beaty of seeing things developing like If I could live forever I think I would start stil appreciate beauty in nature and like I think I could handle it. but human life is juust a blip like in one moment I could be gone.

Being dead is safe. When you're dead, you no longer worry of what other people think of you. When you're dead, you're not longer the target of bullies that love seeing you in trouble. When you're dead, you no longer have to work.

My mum's dead, but I prefer to say "my mum's safe". She's safe now. She's at peace. All her worries are over. Mine aren't.

It's funny how I can be getting on with my day pottering about doing things, laughing and chatting with my partner, engaging with my pets, then settling in bed watching a funny movie that made me laugh - then end the day with yelling in a self-loathing rage and crying my eyes out just because I was triggered by something my partner said.

Ugh, why am I spending £10 a month on antidepressants when they no longer appear to be keeping me sane? Or maybe they only work when I'm not being bullied at work.

I just want to live in a society where everybody gets valued. Where the working class never goes hungry. Where money is reserved by the government for the disabled, the ill, the unemployed, the poor, and the elderly. Where workplaces provide a happy environment. Where drugs and alcohol don't exist (or at least only makes people dizzy and uncoordinated but not change people's personality or anything). Where whole households can survive comfortably on one person's wages. Where there's a definite cure for cancer.

Then the mental health rate would plummet for a lot of people.

That's really sad

Have you tried increasing the dose of your antidepressant? You can always ask your doctor to put you on a different one if it isn't working very well anymore.

Antidepressants are known to suddenly stop being effective for some people.

I think that like you imply, a lot of the mental health struggles that people are experiencing are because of some of the most terrible aspects of our society, some of which you touch upon.

I’m moving in one week, and I don’t know how I’m going to manage it. It’s going to be good in the long run, but the timing really sucks.

I've got to do something before I find myself fired from my job. My supervisor probably thinks I'm a crazy mental patient or something. I tell him that I really hate myself and that I want to die and that I'm pathetic and can't do anything right. I never say this at home with my partner. So that goes to show that work is what is causing me all this anxiety and stress.
I really need to consider a work from home job, but I can't do that until I'm in a more suitable living situation, as living below noisy families who are in all day every day isn't exactly the ideal environment to be working at home in. I need a quieter environment, otherwise that in itself will cause more problems.

No wonder so many people would rather just give up work and claim. If management treated their employees better and not let bullies run rampant then more people would be in work instead of having to rely on the government for support.

Telling a colleague that you hate yourself and that you want to die is probably something you should be telling a therapist, not your supervisor? Even if this sort of thing is situational, I think it is an unwritten rule to not say this sort of thing at work.

I wish you luck with obtaining a work from home job, that does sound like a good idea for you. Hopefully you can sort out a better living arrangement, eventually?

Well, I only say it when having a panic attack and feeling frustrated, kind of an impulsive in the moment thing. I wouldn't have said that otherwise. When I'm angry stuff comes pouring out before I can stop it, even if I don't mean what I say. Although having a low self-image doesn't help.