Can they have a trial behind your back

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yeah we know how it works, but we don't know how to actually read people's minds
if we did, solving crimes, would be a lot easier

we can't read minds, closest we've come is the lie detector
and if we could...come on, they'd put it in someone far more important
like someone they thought was a killer-so they'd know

the way they treat me I might as well be a killer rapist molester monster. nothing of the sort am I but that is how they treat me.

well thats not what this is about here
I am not here to try and assure you, or try and coddle you
I barely understand your problem, except that you think people are reading your thoughts and having secret trials behind your back
I can only justify so much

I know what it's like to believe things that others don't believe. I am on insurance disability payments and I believe the insurance company is keeping track of what I do. First of all I recognize the same people; secondly, it's well-known that insurance companies do that. But for some reason I'm supposed to pretend I don't notice.

So what shall we do with our ideas that nobody else believes? Well, mine have no consequences, so I don't worry. But you are expecting something terrible, and you think people treat you badly.

The remark you mentioned before, about somebody saying to somebody else that you would come around - was that a co-worker? Could you go on about it a bit, because it sounded friendly to me. What sort of milieu was that?

And while I pray for you, I ask that you for you too. I'm serious. You have to be in your own corner, root for yourself, pray for yourself.

I dont remember saying that someone would "come around" I dont know what you mean. I dont know what milieu means ether. I just feel that somthing horrible is about to happen and the people watching me hate my guts. I did basically get angry at the stomping and other things that they would do and I blew up on my computer saying nasty things. I trusted my mother and wished that she would tell me what was going on but she wouldent. even still that all is said and done she wont tell me anything. it feels that she had betrayed me compleatly because if I knew what the consiquences of not taking those pills where as horrendos as what I think than I would have taken them even if it felt like my balls where being kicked every second of the day.

I meant this. At the end you talk about Alex. I want to understand ...

"work" - what work do you do, I want to be able to picture myself as you, what do you wear to work, what are your hours, is it crowded, noisy, bright, open plan, cublicles?

You say that Alex chimed in - does that mean that you were saying anything out loud? you mention a few topics - which one was out loud, did Alex interrupt you?

Do you work in a call centre?

Alex hugged Mary - who's Mary? Where I used to work (retired now) nobody hugged, it was forbidden (sexual harrassment).

Alex said it worked that they were nice to you because it let your guard down - this puzzles me. Could you go on about it a bit please?

we make buckets. and nothing was outloud. I know they can hear what I am thinking. they have proven that. alex responded to somthing that was not aloud. he treated me poorly with the comment then went over to an elderly woman who was at a machine that was next door to my machine and said somthing along the line of what I said they said.

im sorry if I seemed rude but you asked a lot of qestions all at once and my brain just couldent prosses all of them at that time very well. Im sorry.

Not it's not that - I'm fight off a flu and I'm sleeping a lot, so I guess I kind of disappeared on you. I am truly sorry about that. And if we were together, I talk slowly and I can wait forever for an answer, or if I see it distresses you, I don't need an answer at all.

I prayed for you.

I'm a nervous wreck because of the time of year - how about you?

Here I go with the questions again!

Well, we can meet often and talk. I don't know how to help you - can you think of anything?

this time of year makes me a nervous too. I just cant think of the right gift to give my family on my budget. I try but this year with the problems happening right at cristmas time they are going to have to be really supprised after cristmas on what I get them. I love them a lot but I am a little upset with them and I felt really good whene I got my job and could actually buy stuff for them for cristmas even if very little.

just the fact that you are there helps a lot. I need somone to talk to. thats why I am thankfull that you are there. I feel that there is nothing that really can be done. I just dont understand my mother. I dont understand how she came to the point of throwing me away like she has. I made a mistake for shure but I didnt know and she wont listen.

I'm here, on and off because of my sleeping, but I'll be back and you can talk and say anything you want. Now that I know you don't want me to fix it, I can just listen.

Here are my Christmas gifts to you:

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/story/2010/12/24 ... lujah.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddVZOK_9UUI

I hope you enjoy them! Have you seen them before?

no I havent seen them before and the first one cheered me up for a few minutes thank you. I wish there was a way you could fix my problems. I wish I had the opertunity to fix my problems before they hit this level but nothing was left up to me and It just got worse and worse. none of it was fair none of it was right none of it. I should have been informed and talked to by a lawer before they started the ballshriviling medicen. I should have known my postition beforehand I shouldent have been led on with bullcrap about me being loony. I should have been told and talked to. that is the correct right thing that they should have done.

I relize that I made A mistake but at the time of the ball shriviling medicen I didnt know which mistake I had made I didnt think about things of the past that far as being a reason and I thought what I had done more recently was the reason and that it wasnt fair. yet they wouldent talk to me whene I realized they didnt consult me or anything to tell me how seriouse things where if I had known I would have complyed with the ballkicking painfull drugs all the way through but they didnt talk to me at all.

I'm glad you liked the first one - I think it's a new way of presenting singing - something like "bash" or some word like that. Quite a far cry from tuxedos at the opera house, isn't it? That's the way all art should be - available in the food courts, to everybody. Although I think I'd rather not have it be a surprise every time.

The other one, I see you're too young to remember the Drifters & Clyde McPhatter, and I guess that style is older than you are. I can't get enough of it.

As for ballshrivelling medicine, if you're talking about Prozac I can tell you for true and first-hand knowledge that when you go off it the old sex-drive comes bouncing right back like nothing happened. I hope your meds might be like mine that way.

Well, it's 2am and my dog got me up because he wants to sleep in the bed instead of under it. That's after I had him on top of the bed with his special blanket, and he jumped off and went under the bed. I can't take the chance though - I have to get up and let him out. That's when I find out he didn't want to go out. He's a great dog (small white poodle) when he's not waking me in the middle of the night. It's a winter problem, really. He's not getting out as much. In the summer we walk miles and we both sleep like logs.

If you don't have anything specific that you'd like to tell me (like what was the mistake) then I'll just tell you my stuff and we can go on from there. I can't stop yawning, gotta go back to bed.

I hope you are restful. The season pressure should start to go down soon (not soon enough lol).

Hi, I'm awake again. I guess I won't get anyy real sleep till spring. It's 4am Christmas morning here. I'm just frazzled, so I woke to get something to eat. Now I'm going back to bed.
Godd night again

You want cash if you are going to prison for your commissary account. You can buy all types of food, drinks, toiletries, clothes, books, and other sundry items that will make your stay easier for you. If you are sent to prison they will run you through a bunch of tests durring this time it is in your best intrest to tell them you have Aspergers and request protective custody. Make sure to bring a psychologists report with you so you could prove to them you are autistic so they do not put you with general population. You should also have a list of medicines you take so you do not have to deal with @sshole doctors who do not know you try to put you on new meds.

Once you get to prison get your name and address in some prison penpal magazines and try to get as many female penpals as possible and write whatever you can to get them to love you and feel sorry for you so you can get them to put money in your commissary accounts. Some of my friends who went to prison had full commissary accounts accounts one even had two women competing for him when he was getting out of prison.

I have a cousin who is a prison guard and have had three friends go to prison for various non-violent crimes. Personally I do not think you are going to go to prison but if you do at least you now have a little clue to what to say when you first go in and what to do when you get there. There is no way they can have a secret trial behind your back in a the United States if you are demeemed mentally unfit to be at the trial they would most likely assign some kind of social worker or mental health advocate to you to work as your represenative in the court.