Rants

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It would be nice to go ten minutes without considering what a waste of DNA I am

There is no Its a Wonderful Life silver lining here, literally everyone in my life would have had a better life had I not existed

f**k it, I am getting baked.

I see my therapist today but s**t it not like anyone says anything when I am high and f**k her, if I am horrible person, I am going to live up to it. I can walk in on the ceiling and have and she doesn't care. I can't even understand why that is offensive, I can use logic and remember everything she says on cannabis and frankly its a more meaningful existence then listening to her bull s**t.

^^ What happened? Stuff this weekend or just generally down?

Well my parents came up yesterday and I just had really negative thoughts. Its kinda weird and I probably shouldn't say it but for some reason sitting in a movie theater is very depressing and we had gone to see trolls (For my sister mostly). I always think about how horrible my life is in theaters. I don't know why, especially since the movie was funny as hell. I don't know, may have nothing to do with movies, I think maybe its just not as interactive as say, videos games and I get very depressed cause my mind has time to think which is BAD

I know that makes no sense and probably not worth noting but... hey my brain is f****d, its always been f****d, if it was f****d yesterday, then it will be f****d tomorrow.

Actually I kind of understand feeling depressed in settings like that. If your brain isn't fully engaged with something (or altered by something) then you kind of get to dwell on the negatives of your life. I had that this weekend, shopping with my mum; I wasn't exactly psyched to be there in the first place, but the lack of distractions really made it impossible to ignore the depressing bits in my brain. This is why I hate it when people tell me to take a break and chill; if I do that, there's a 90% I'll end up thinking bad thoughts .

As for the last sentence, preach. That's my attitude to my brain in a nutshell.

Sorry, I think I should have been more helpful/comforting here? I am trying to pull myself up on stuff like this (although I'm not 100% how to be comforting... )

Here, have some comfort .

Its fine, thinking with deep complexity is how I get depressed and thinking with deeper complexity is how I survive.

^^ Oh I do like your poetic posts like that. Very eloquent (I would swoon even but I don't think you'd appreciate it ).

This isn't even a rant, but...
I just want it to stop. I can't take this anymore.

...Actually, no, wait. I've "taken this" my whole life. But I never did anything.

What do I do now?

^We can't both be upset!

OMG I AM CRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOW

f**k ME

I DON"T KNOW WHERE TO POST THIS, I GOT TO GO TO COURT AGAIN.

I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS NEIGHBORHOOD ANYMORE,

SOMEONE LITERALLY JUST TRIED TO BREAK IN HERE

HAD TO CALL POLICE BUT I DIDN"T WANT TO

I DON"T WANT TO PROSECUTE BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE, I HAVE TO PROTECT MY LIVELIHOOD

I WANTED TO GO TO THERAPY BUT I WAS STILL TALKING TO POLICE WITH 12 MINUTES TO THE APPOINTMENT

OMG POLICE, I CAN DEAL WITH THEM BUT NOT IN MY APARTMENT

I AM SHAKEN....

f*****g kill me, OMG I need Skyrim.

^^

I am concerned people think I am crazy and that I am attention seeking so here is some evidence of how f****d my life is,



I had this paper at 1:39 about 6 minutes before my therapy appointment...

^^^ That's awful two types of people invading your personal space. f**k that sucks. Were you inside as they were breaking in?

I don't know what to say. Your building sounds like a f*****g nightmare.

PS. Sure nobody here thinks you're attention seeking.

Yes I was here,

Give me a minute to breathe and I'll post more. As for violence, it was mild but I had to get somethings fixed. However, I will say that I have been involved in three separate crimes that have ended with police in some capacity in the last 30 days... what the f**k is going on, people need to f*****g chill.

All I wanted to do was switch to a different wireless keyboard. I got to do 4 hours of tech support so far, and now I'm reinstalling the game I wanted to have the other keyboard for in the first place. I forget how the simplest things can escalate, because they're usually simple.