dear dragon, I am very new to this forum so I have over the past few days read all 31 pages, starting at the beginning. My heart cries out to you and others who have written they feel the same or similar. I've been to many of these places over the years and remember how devastating it was. I can still make an initial plunge for one reason or another, but it is easier to get out now. I'll just say a few things...anything I say you can take or leave...whatever you do has to be right for you.
I am about a generation and a half or maybe two generations older than you are. I have a son and I have raised foster children. I have friends whose adult children have killed themselves. I can tell you there is nothing that hurts a parent worse than that. I know there are parents who don't give a damn about their kids, but your parents seem to care and they would be devastated were you to be successful in your attempt to kill yourself or even hurt yourself. Parents don't talk to well to adult children because we don't know what to say. As a mother, I can tell you that I would do anything to keep my children from harm or hurt. It sounds like your dad doesn't know much about aspies. I wish I could explain to him why sometimes you can't talk, why windy days bother you, why it is not a matter of laziness.
I found with myself and with others I have know, when it is all bad it is impossible to see a way out and what things we do do for ourselves, suggested by doctors, friends, therapists, family, etc, don't seem to make a big difference. In my experience, that is because so much is wrong, so much is out of whack, that getting a tiny part right has only a little impact. Little by little, you can bring things back into balance, normal, whatever your word is for when things are right. So all those little things you have done over the past months, posting here, walking the dog, cleaning house, etc. keep doing them. Keep adding up those little things, get a medication array that works for you, and you will move forward. In my work I see a lot of people with more profound autism being treated with medications. What I have seen is that some meds work for some people and some meds work for others. You have to find the right med or med combination for you. After decades in this field, I also know that meds go in and out of fashion. So one year, all the psychs are prescribing one medication and another year it is a different one. It takes a lot of patience to try to find the right med and unfortunately many psych meds do not show an effect right away. You might want to consider asking your mother to talk to the psych doc because I have also found that other people are sometimes better reporters about how the individual is doing than the individual. I say sometimes because, say for example, I try a new med and I still feel awful so I tell the psych the med doesn't work. But Mom might say: but Honey, you've been smiling more this past week, didn't you notice?" Other times, mothers aren't so helpful. You have to decide.
Now, here's the part which is my expertise. If you are diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum and have the problems you are having, finding a job, finding housing, etc., then you likely qualify for many programs that could really help. For example, did you know that Vocational Rehabilitation will pay for your training, should you decide to be, for example, a physical therapy assistant, as singledad did? VR can help get you a computer (if you can't talk, you need a way to communicate), VR should assign you a job coach who will help you put together a resume and help you apply for jobs. The job coach can even provide transportation for you to and from the job interview. The job coach can also assist the employer to understand the accommodations you may need, such as working in an area without a lot of other people, and help the employer understand your communication style. A few years ago, there was even a program where VR paid your wages for the first three months so the employer got free help to give you a free try. I don't know if that is still going on or not. The point is, there is a lot of help available.
I don't know how good VR is in your state, but in my state, frequently they are not very user friendly. If that turns out to be the case, then you call your state Disability Rights. Each state has one. They are funded by the federal government and all their services are free. If VR is not providing you with the services they are supposed to, your Disability Rights advocate will help you get what you need. They are also a good source of information about what programs and rights you may have as a person with a disability. (Sorry, that is how the NTs see us...)
You are also likely eligible for the Developmental Disabilities Waiver. Usually there is a wait list and the wait list is years long....but once you get on, you will have a coordinator and other services to personally help you reach your goals. If you are not already on the waitlist, get on it now. You can always change your mind later.
If your community has public transportation, there are usually two programs which permit people with disabilities to ride at very low cost. So you could look into this for your transportation problems. And by all means, get your driver's license. You can do the written tests online now in most states to get your permit. Then you just need to find someone to go out with you and let you drive. Starting out in deserted parking lots and then moving to low traffic areas early on Sunday mornings are good places to start learning to drive.
Enough for now. Take what you need and leave the rest.
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The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot
07 Dec 2017, 9:09 pm
