i am doing better but still not really any real improvement

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Hi Nightbender. I just prayed to God for you, your father (that he would get better) and your family and situation. You are on my mind a lot.

i talked to the supervisor she tried to pass me off and dumb questions like were you parents there like what i had to say was non credible.

Hi Nightbender, I agree with Just-me---you are an adult, and you should be respected. Please---keep your drive to get better. Please---believe that you will get better. And please---realize you are on a lot of our minds. We are concerned about you, but we believe you can get a happy life. You just need to find the proper support.

one day i called one of my friends cuz i was lonely and sad. She kinda got wiered out. she said i said sound awful and that i was in a "crisis" and she wanted me to immedialty call my idiot case mangers and have them do something and asked me who my psychiatrist was(like i would ever see one of those fraudulent psychopathic/psychotic criminials again or ever swallow their mind brain and soul destroying poisin again) and i had promise her to do some kind of stupid walk around the building thing just so she wouldnt get stupid idea to call 911 or something. I talked to my other feal friend and felt beter and called her back I told her i was managing and she said no your not and accused me of hyperventialling when i wasnt I told i have was having a hard a time because i was locked out of my own mind and she no you stuck in it( being completley oblivious to asd psychologoly) and i said i was obssed with it and she said kind half assed thing where she proved that i was when i wastn She kept asking who my doctors were even for aspergers like as is a disease that requires treamtent. I had to tell her i was not i had cronic long term problem that would never go away or when last time i had seen them, i saw my nd like a month or so ago and seen a chiropracter and what not but no real change. I cant keep blowing money on stuff that isnt gonna do anything no risk going around to stupid people with degrees on thier walls that have no idea what was done to me, and have them do stupid things or think stupid things about me. Wierd thing is people keep judging me by how i talk even though i can talk any wich way and my condition doenst really change.
I met this woman over a year ago in the last s**t whole i was in and we bonded and got along good. but she is basically this lifetime mental patient who this the next trip to the dope dealer quack is gonna save her from hersself and that these people therapists social workers shrinks doctors... are somehow better and more enlightented than the rest of us when in reality most of these people were just losers who didnt have the talent to get real jobs. i wrote down her number tossed it in drower and and deleted it from my phone. any one that is gonna talk to me like that is gone.

FAct is everytime i talk to any one i get someone freak out at me. and its about time i didnt look to others for self soothing.

Yesterday i got up and decided to listen the most depressing musi i had and then listen to the tibettan book of the dead on youtube and and it made me feel so much better and went and looked up really cool stuff like sacred geometry and japanase rpgs and remided myserf of who i am. I been watching fios and it feels great
im not ac tuallly better but im in good spirits

Hi Nightbender. Wow---thanks for venting. I'm glad you vented. It's good to get your frustrations out. I truly believe you have made an important turn in your life---to feel better.

From what you posted, it seems you realize you are an important person that is deserving of better. You realize that these so-called experts are not more important than you---you are more important. Good for you.

You say that you don't need to look to others for self-soothing---again, good for you. You are making important strides. Please keep up this fight.

Here is what I am so glad you stated here---that you listened to music and felt better (even if it was depressing music). Then, you looked up sacred geometry and Japanese rpgs to remind yourself of who you are. It sounds like you could be getting interested in interesting things here---things that will help you---things that you can find in yourself, not others.

You say you are not actually better, but that you are in good spirits. Well---I think that shows you are on your way to getting better.

You sound like a different Nightbender in this post---different in that you are ready to take control of your life. You realize that these so-called experts around you have not been helping you---because---you are capable of helping yourself by building up your strength by believing in yourself. You have shown strength in this post. I believe you have made the turn you have been looking for.

Don't get discouraged if things don't always seem good---because on the way to healing, there may be some bumps. But those bumps will help you heal. I, and others here at the WrongPlanet, will be here to encourage and listen to you on your journey.

Please keep posting how things are going. Keep believing in yourself---you are a good person. You are a smart person. You are a deserving person.

Hello Nightbender---just checking in to see how you are doing.

I'm guessing you've been away from your computer for a bit. Just let us know your ok when you get back.

We care all care , I hope your doing ok with everything.

Jess.

checking in

im ok

im finding being around others more difficult
inevitably look strange
met someone at the art class
turns out her parents messed her up and she is in treatment
got a bunch of sunlight played with my dog


my family is not



my said her life was not worth living
and everything i said or did made everyone angry wether i did anything wrong or not. ex
my dad made fun of my crying and i was laying down and he said time for dinner and i started to say oh ok and he just blew up up at me and said look at yourself and blew up more
my brother told me about a book he bought and i was trying to say something about 9/11 to make coversation and he starts going your wrong your wrong you were always wrong you werent really that smart ever. my dad goes to say i never ever took responsiblity when that wasnt true, even in the pit of withdrwal i took responsiblity. she blames me for everything that goes wrong

Hello Nightbender, glad to hear from you again. I do worry about you and wish that things will get better for you. Remember what I said. I feel you are on your way up, but it will take time and it will have low points along the way. I am glad you hear you say you are ok. That's good. Don't worry about finding being around others more difficult---we autistics all seem to have problems with that from to time in being more difficult for us. As for your family---try not to worry about that---just try to keep your head up and get feeling better.

just reaqurired a old ablity just not as good as before limbic thinking

your welcome.