need to leave wp

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How you perceive yourself and how others perceive you is often very different. And learning the truth about yourself is probably one of the most difficult things in life, and requires a lot of effort. But the answer is not gained by asking others. If that were the case, then it would be easy. Other will generally be just as wrong about you as you are yourself.

Sounds like Zen or Taoism. Do you have any recommendations for how to learn the truth about yourself?

I am not familiar with either of those or any established approach. Maybe they work in a fashion. But honestly I don't think you have to have anything like that to learn about yourself. I just take a standard more or less scientific approach and analyze my personality, etc, using all the available information. Its like investigating something with a special interest. My own opinion is you are better off not using one of the established paths, just because they all will have some inbuilt flavor or bias that will taint your result at least a little.

But to make progress you have to exercise the maximum degree of honesty, self skepticism, etc. The walls you make to keep others out, may be minor compared the ones you build to protect yourself from the painful truths.

Its generally not exactly a fun experience. But having taken it well along, you are much better able to do things in the future with more insight, fewer mistakes and less regret hopefully. So it can be worthwhile.

As far as the mechanics of it, I have not really worked that out before, as to explain to someone, or left bread crumbs that I can go back and map. But whatever it was it may not be anything special, and another person's would like be different anyway. But I do know some of the most productive aspects was looking back, all the way to the beginning. The question is what am I, and then why, how did I get there? What was internal and what were external factors. They say our personalities are actually formed at a very young age, even by 5-6 perhaps. So the trail begins in your earliest memories and then moves forward in time, to today.

sometimes I feel like people say I'm bad here, but why should i be able to post about stuff I disagree with. :'(

You've never offended me.Don't worry about it,someone will always disagree, thats life.Also being young makes it easier to feel insecure about these things.

^been there about a billion times. It was a lot worse when I first joined, as I was still pretty green when it comes to forums outside of the physics world (where the "heated debates" are anything but)

I will say this: L&D is somewhere I simply cannot go without completely losing my sh*t. I just pretend it is a dead link and my life is probably better for it.

Indeed. If i wasn't looking for romance i would avoid that forum. I hope if i get a gf that I won't need to go there for advice.

most forums I was on before this didn't have much debates. I was on an airsoft forum which was just talk about events and guns, closet it got to debate was the "this gun is better" "no this one is the best" even then it was quite calm.

this forum is both good and harmful to me.

I feel like that sometimes. More frequently when things I do are on display [like, say... an internet forum?]. When it becomes overwhelming I log out and force myself to go somewhere else for a while- watch something or play a game or even take a nap. Maybe go get a drink of water if that's all I can think of. Just what I try to do.

...I think you are pretty OK, if that counts for anything.

I'd try that but even skipping one day the ammount of posts on here becomes overwhelming. I have to read twice a day just to keep it from piling up. I want to see if people replly to me and its so easy to lose the replies when it piles up. I may stop reading work and social sections maybe.

what games do you play?

why do i seem ok? o.O

As for dating advice, be careful. So much depends entirely on what you are like and your geographic location and the age range and a million other variables. Everyone giving you advice has filtered it through their own highly specific circumstances (myself included).

The best advice I can really offer my 10 ten point system that I have come up with over years of (often times) painful learning experiences (which can easily be applied to more than just romantic relationships). To be honest, you don't have to memorize this list or even do more than give it a quick skim (or even read it all). If you just stick to #1, you will probably do just fine in the long run.

1. Don't be a d*ck. Ever. For any reason (no matter how justified you might think it is).

2. Communicate. If something bothers you, tell her (but make sure you aren't violating #1). If you like something tell her.

3. Don't lie. About anything. Even minor trust issues can destroy communication capabilities (and if you are like me, communication can be difficult enough already). See #1.

4. Don't do things to get noticed or for thanks, it usually comes across as insincere. If your actions are noticed, great; but even if they are not, improving someone's life in even a tiny way makes them happier, which can make you happier, which can make them happier (and so on).

5. Be mindful of the things about you that bother someone, and do your best to minimize negative impacts on others; but don't just supress or eliminate, as this can be harmful to you, which is not good for anyone. And try not to get defensive if these things are brought to your attention (see #1).

6. Listen. I mean actually listen. Most people can tell, even if not consciously.

7. Take a second and calm down. You will get absolutely p*ssed off at some point (probably many many times). Think to yourself "does this really matter in the big scheme of things? Can this realistically affect me in a detrimental way?" The answer to both is more often than not an emphatic no. See #1.

8. Respect the fact that no one else in the world (past, present, or future) has had your experiences or thinks the same way that you do. Don't assume that anyone else acts (or reacts) a certain way for a certain reason just because that is how you would. See #1.

9. Be patient. Rushing things is reckless and rarely turns out for the better.

10. Respect the fact that every single person has done (and will do) things that are horribly wrong and things that hurt others. This does not mean you are justified in witholding the basic human respect and decency owed to all people. And never forget that most people who hurt you probably aren't doing it intentionally. See #1.

Don't get too upset or obsess over making mistakes, as we all do. Just try to use it as a way to refine and improve yourself. That is really how this list came into being for me.

Either that or what gender has it easier argument forum!

:'(

ugh I can't not stand the atheists on this site :'(
now i'm all tense and angry and depressed.

Most or all of them probably think there's a tiny possibility of God existing anyways. But claim that there's zero possibility in order to sound "bad azz".

If it is me making you upset, I apologize. I felt it was primarily defensive on my part.