I wish I had a gun so I could shoot myself in the head

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Something I don’t talk about much... My father committed suicide with a gun when I was little. Point blank to the temple; perfect kill shot. But it did NOT kill him instantly, he lived for a few more days in the hospital. The worse part about this terrible incident, he did this in front of my mother. Whom then had to spend the next few days watching him die slowly.

Thankfully I was too young to remember any of this, but the impact is long lived. His death destroyed his side of the family, literally a split. They don’t talk with each other and I can’t tell you why. I barely know them. But they drink allot; my grandparents spend easily a few hundred on booze every month.

I understand not wanting to exist anymore; I felt that way for years. But I don’t feel suicide is the solution for me. If you do decide this is the best decision for you. Spend a few days doing something you enjoy, always wanted to do. Travel someplace new and explore… Whatever you do decide, please don’t leave your body somewhere a friend or family will discover. Call emergency services and let them know your location.

That's an awful thing for him to have done. Your poor Mom.

If I could do that, I wouldn't want to die.

That's the thing with religion - you believe there is something better, but you cannot decide the time you go - when it's your time naturally, then that's when you get to go.

The last sentence you wrote was what I meant by no one being able to say or do anything that will stop the person from suicide (unless you lock them up). They aren't in the right mind to care about what anyone else wants. They have to learn from the experience on their own.

Learn what? That's it's upsetting when someone you care about dies? I think I got that one when my father passed away.

My point is that I don't understand the obligation placed on those suffering from illnesses like long term depression to continue with their lives when they don't want to. Or more simply, why should I continue to live solely to protect someone else's illusion of the greatness of life? Well, I don't have to.
I think people take another's suicide to personally. Like it's being used as a weapon (which it was in the case of the office and the father,) but it isn't necessarily. If a loved one died of cancer I wouldn't feel it was something they had done to me out of spite.

Someone I really admire made this observation, androbot, and maybe you relate to it too:

You see it's not the 'problem' that kills a suicidal person, it is holding on to that 'problem' and battling through it alone that is the killer. And I think if we educated the public to this fact then positive societal change will happen overnight.

What do you mean by "holding on to that 'problem'?"

me 2

Why not use the gun for other people?

Like who?

Let’s not do or advocate that; more so in an open forum. Makes us look bad and we already don’t need any more media crap-storm. Remember Adam Lanza or Eliot Rodger; the later never formerly diagnosed.

People take some suicides as personal because the person chooses to make it personal. Some do it to get back at people - my father being one of these. (He still threatens to do it and holds it over our heads to the point that I just want to say to him to do it and get it over with because I'm tired of being played.) Some want to make it extremely messy so others have to clean it up. They purposely include other people in their suicide by telling them when there is absolutely nothing the other person can do for them. They don't tell their shrink about it - the one who can really try and help. So, yes, I do see it as personal. Why include other people in your plan if you really don't want any help? I don't get it. I'm all for helping people, but I'm done worrying about what people are wanting to do to themselves - including SUICIDE, not anymore. There are some real sick people who really want help and are fighting to live. Anyone thinking of suicide, get a psychiatrist or psychologist involved - someone who can help.

Ive been to the dark place where suicide seems the only answer.The only thing that kept me here was my pets,wondering what would happen to them and the kids.But if that darkness ever returns and stays, I'm not sure how long I could endure that empty hollow feeling.I felt like I was hanging by one thread and that when it snapped,it would be time to checkout.
The only thing I could suggest that might help,is probably not a viable solution for you.I would advise you to go stay in a remote cabin in the woods and give your psyche time to heal.Get away from all people and the pressures they put on you,get away from all the noise and confusion that are in most cities.Im so sorry that you can't do this.
If I had to face the noise,smells and confusion of a city I would be in sensory overload all the time and just feel bad.Eventually this would wear me down to where I just would desire quiet,and death is quiet.
I even had a plan for my body,I hate the idea of being buried so I wanted to die deep in the wood so that scavengers could eat my remains.Im Buddist and this is the last act of kindness I can do for another being,to give them my useless body for food.You can look up Sky Burial,that's what I'd want.My plan was to pick out the area and begin leaving chunks of meat there so the scavengers would already be in the area and maybe have a good chance of finishing their meal before my body was ever found.
I respect your choice,even though it makes me sad.You are such a good caring person,the world needs people like you.
If I ever get ill where I can't live here in my remote haven,it's the option I will take.Life in a nursing home or assisted living is no life I would want to live.I would hope that people would honor and respect my choice to leave.It wouldn't be anyone's fault so I wouldn't want people to blame themselves.Its simply a choice I would make.

What is this? Are you saying to murder other people now? What is wrong with you?!

I can relate. I actually sold my pistol about a month ago and my reasoning went as follows:

It's a valuable thing, and I need money due to a financial crisis
It's in the top 5 most valuable items in my house, and by far the most desirable to steal. If it got stolen, it then would be the most trouble what with all the extra police reports.
People are on average more likely to hurt themselves with a handgun than they are to hurt an intruder. Even though I feel pretty positive right now, financial crises are depressing and depressed people sometimes decide to hurt themselves.

It could benefit me to sell it, and it could harm me to keep it. Those are actually far more likely than the opposite of either, so I sold it and spent some of the money on freshly grilled meat which made me feel a lot better about life.

I'd advise people to sell guns when depression is on the horizon, and not buy any while it has power over your decisions. Buy a gun when you're happy and go shoot some targets. It's huge fun!

Last edited by jrjones9933 on 21 Oct 2016, 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In britain its simply difficult to legally own a gun. Whilst i admit sometimes i would have welcomed one to shoot myself with, i cant honestly say that i wouldnt have inadvertently shot someone else if they had tried to intervene. Nor can i be certain that someone else wouldnt have stolen it off me and shot someone else. Accidents happen. It happens amongst children. Youths who carry knives for their own protection often end up killed by their own knife.

Please, i feel for you. Many feel suicidal. You do. Its sad a stranger cannot help you feel better, but please forget the gun. I see how long i can go without food and water. Then i go for a walk on a hilltop. The world and my situation doesnt change, but my mind eventually does. I even end up eating and drinking again. You really need to stop obsessing over guns. But then, what do i know? Im a brit. I sincerely hope you see the end of this episode soon and find something you enjoy again. Even if its only nature, or a bit of toast. I hope youll accept a hug from me and now I'll fade away again and let you decide for yourself. You obviously are loved here on wp, you should try to feel lovable maybe. But maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree Androbot. If so, please forgive my intrusion. I mean well. What is Androbot by the way? Why did you choose this username? Mine is misspelled. A slow, broken sports car. Hugs.

If there are things you would still enjoy doing in this world, regardless of your present ability to do them, then suicide is foolish. The future is always full of surprises; there's no way of telling what your situation could be 5 years from now. You have said that you're taking a course that will lead to a better-paying job. More money opens more options in terms of places to live, transportation, entertainment, hobbies, etc., and all of that can have a massive impact on your emotions and outlook on life.
Anyway, shooting yourself in the woods sounds like a really crappy suicide method. Gruesome and violent and gory. And god forbid you don't die immediately, and end up lying out there suffering for hours or days. I can certainly think of more peaceful ways to go, though I wouldn't like to give you any ideas. I sincerely hope you reconsider this whole plan altogether.