Am I too damaged to be fixed?

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Marknis

Sometimes I wonder if I am

A lost cause

Too far gone

Beyond repair

Slacker

Burnout

Lazy

Scared

Apathetic

Wise

You can change the past

The insurance pays for two years counseling. But that is just talking. Not doing. "Actions speak louder than words"

Once every other week. One hour each time

The insurance pays the counselor 75 bucks each time

The counselor told me

The counselor has no authority to intervene in the situation

Exception:. 5150, filling insurance forms

The counselor can say whatever she wants

But so can everyone else

And I was 33 when I fist met her

"A day late, a dollar short"

Should have met her age ten. Lifetime of counseling. More than once a week. And more professionals. With skill. And more power

In "Not My Boy", RJs dad wrote that he paid 160 000 bucks a year for professional services for his autistic child

RJ was not even ten years old

The professional services that might help cost more money than I have ever earned

In "no excuses" Kyle Maynard. Allegedly climbed Mt Everest . Or something. Kyle was successful. Even though he had no arms or legs. Kyle's mom said (supposedly), nobody is allowed to help Kyle. Maybe that policy, made Kyle more independent and successful

But in any event I am 34 years old. Older than kyle and RJ

Anything anyone does, including myself, has a much smaller potential for "help" or "harm", than it would have done, when I was five years old

SSRI, MAOI, beta blockers, occupational therapy, speech therapy

Costs a lot of money

And they have side effects

No, I hardly even use my own cellphone camera. I also don't live in a good area to film wildlife even if I had the interest. Having a YouTube also aren't guaranteed to make one more popular with women. I've seen some channels made by guys who can't get girlfriends and having those channels didn't make a difference for them.



Look at some of the more vehement posts in PPR and News.

You’re not damaged. You just need to work on changing your thinking a bit. You seem like someone who is capable of aches more, but you need to believe in yourself.

Aches?

Autocorrect. It should say “much”.

My thought patterns have been the way they are since I was 17. If it takes another 12 years to fix my thinking, I should just kill myself already.

What changed at 17?

I realized I wasn't getting a girlfriend no matter how much I prayed or wanted one while my classmates were constantly dating, I still wasn't in a rock band but other people I knew were, I sucked at drawing no matter how hard I tried but even people younger than me were creating well done drawings, and my difficulties with math made my career prospects look bleak. It was like everything around me was falling apart and my brain was being marinated in some sort of disgusting bile.

I didn’t realize I doomed to be alive me forever and worthless until I was 25/26
Until then I actually thought I’d meet and have a gf and be married by now with kids
I was naive and stupid.

I correctly deduced that it was hopeless for me, by the time I reached my 20s. I learned my limitations as a human being early on. hope can be a stubborn thing, though, and I only lost total hope by my 40s, which was when I became a hermit.

No offense but that’s really not encouraging to here.

i'm sorry, it was not my intention to cause you pain. it WAS my intention to AT-ONE with you, that you will know you're in the same boat with lotsa other folk. it is my hope that we all can put our heads together and figure better ways to cope with our limitations. it is not my intention to deter others from struggling against them. since this is a support forum for people to share their experiences, I was just sharing mine also.

I was 19 when I got my first girlfriend.

I didn't get my one and only "GF experience" until I was in my 50s which was too late. it did give me a taste of what I had lacked up until then. but I absolutely cannot handle another breakup. mebbe in the next life i'll manage to do better. I reckon most of y'all will do better.

That's what scares me a bit to be honest. I haven't been in a relationship and I'm thirty. More and more I'm starting to think that if it ever happens, if/when it ends, it would be too hard for me to deal that I would seclude even more. I'm not a person that someone gets to know easily. I've also thought seriously that maybe I'm not supposed to have someone, which saddens me.

Last edited by katdances on 20 Feb 2018, 1:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Feeling the same except when I think of disappearing, it means a re-start for me. Sometimes I wish I could move to another country and start over. But I've started something already, only it keeps hitting walls and then my personal life hits walls in every aspect. It's understandable that feeling of having enough. But it's within you to not let yourself feel down. By being able to be talking about this issue in this forum, it's a way of privilege. Other people go through their lives with no clue of what's happening to them, no one listening, no one helping. Some succumb, some take it as motivation and make things work. How they did that? I'm still trying to figure it out.

I do think everyone is damaged someway and not all of us develop at the same time. Sure, it's annoying and it hurts to see so many moving on with their lives and achieving stuff, but you need to be patient with yourself and keep working. It's very important that you are, since in the end, no one is inside our minds and it's only up to us to control what happens in there. Keep trying, skills take a lot of practice and that others have it easier than you young or old, shouldn't put you down. You're doing this for yourself, not for someone else.