I don't think I even know what I want anymore

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Because people's ideas of what I'm "doing wrong" are very subjective.

One friend told me I'm just "too independent". What the hell does that mean? What am I meant to do? I live by myself. I need to get things done myself or they don't get done! Even then, things dont get done. My house is a mess. When I went on the date with this guy she told me: "let him do things for you."

Its subjective because she's not confident. She's the type who relies heavily on others. She's maybe a bit jealous of my independence. What kind of advice is that? "Try and be a bit more useless hon."

What?! I don't know what she thinks I do. Say no to every tiny thing anyone offers? :eyeroll: He offered to pay, I graciously accepted.

I don't want to know why he rejected me. That's subjective too. He said he just didn't have romantic feelings for me. He said he thought he did, but he realised, after he asked me out, even before we went on the date that he didn't. I said I didn't understand why he would even ask me out if that's the case, but he wouldn't elaborate.

I've grown to realise the problem isn't me. It's all the commitment phobic men I'm meeting. No one is ever good enough for them. It's not just me. Only one or two men from my past have settled down. The others are still just continuing to play around or chase women who aren't interested in them or they're not really dating at all and have just given up now.

Even at your best, you'll never be enough for the wrong person.

I do seem to have more luck with Italians, but there have been none around lately.

I found someone like me and it was wonderful to just be myself and not need to try and advertise myself the way you have to when trying to get someone's attention. I was comfortable and I thought that I was understood. It was ok to be me and I was liked for being me.

Too much independence is a thing, I have a mother like that and many times I feel like if I left her house nothing in her life would change.

Being too independent is not relying on others for anything. You never(or barely) ask for help and don't delegate anything to another person. Even if that person said that they could help you still never ask for it and after a while develop the mind set that "if I don't do it, it doesn't get done". You might get help but, that person might not do it the "right way" so you do it yourself. When someone is too independent they also tend to control everything in their life, to what they eat, how the house look, things done in a very specific way, values are very rigid, etc.

I guess a summary would be that "too independent" means you aren't flexible and not vulnerable enough for people to feel like they contribute anything.

By necessity, significant other relationships always have compromises.
It is simply a matter of degree.
But there comes a point where the benefits don't outweigh the deficits any longer.

I prefer the freedom required for in-depth self-actualisation, after all things are considered. <shrug>

I don't even know what things were considered. If he had a wrong idea about what I was looking for and I couldn't defend myself. All he said was, "I thought I had romantic feelings for you, but realised I didnt" I don't know what that means. How do you not know how you feel about someone after months of spending time with them. Why do you suddenly make a move on them and regret it?

But why did he ask me out, change the friendship to something else, then within hours think about it and change his mind? Why couldn't he have left things alone?

We were ok. Now I'm suddenly deficient when I was enough of a friend before.

It hurts so much. It just hurts so badly.

I would never do that to someone. If I have romantic feelings, I have romantic feelings. If I don't, I don't. It's not f*****g confusing!

I'm never going to understand.

It just hurts so much. I just can't get past it. It doesn't make any sense.

Maybe its just like that in the city. Ive seen profiles of men on plenty of fish that say they want something long term. Dont know if they actualy mean it. I havent dated anyone for a while so I dont know. The last guy I dated I thought was a perfect match but he dumped me for some lame reason like I dont make any money.

Perhaps you could find Irish or Italian guys on a dating site. Going on a dating site lets you pick and choose.

To be fair, the other one not making any money is a very good reason to reject someone; majority of people don't want to be providers.

Pepe it's only been a few weeks. I guess I need time to heal. I started doing ok after a few weeks had passed, but then started going down hill again and I've been struggling again for the past 2 weeks.

I'm good about avoiding caffeine. I drink decaf tea and coffee.

I'm going on holiday next week. Somewhere I haven't been before. Just within the UK, but it will be nice to have a break.

I'm good about avoiding caffeine. I drink decaf tea and coffee.

Decaf coffee is a popular alternative for those looking to cut their caffeine intake. However, it is not completely caffeine-free. While the decaffeination process removes at least 97% of caffeine, virtually all decaf coffees still contain around 7 mg per 8-ounce (236-ml) cup. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/caffeine-in-decaf

I dont want to believe that all men want short flings. Even my mom said that all men say theyre looking for long term but arent. But I dont want to believe that.
Hopefully Im not just being naive.