Addicted To Suffering.

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I think it's very well the case, as with my mother, they are not addicted to the suffering but the attention it gets them (negative OR positive doesn't matter so much as the attention itself)

I think it's very well the case, as with my mother, they are not addicted to the suffering but the attention it gets them (negative OR positive doesn't matter so much as the attention itself)

I understand where you're coming from, agree with most of it and have seen some of the behaviour you describe here. There's a reason we officially have different rules in the Haven: I fully support that and have often reported or publically addressed people who make harassing or hectoring posts here.


My own choice has been to just not engage people who either made it clear that my opinions and advice are not welcome, or I just reached that conclusion by myself. I wouldn't want to see this turned into a rule though and there's been enough drama in the past with people reporting others merely for posting in their threads.

My question is where do we draw the line? I imagine Fnord (as well as myself and quite a few others) for instance would qualify as "staying afloat". Nevermind that the man has been through hell and back, through hardships most of us will thankfully never know and in my own opinion that his experiences might be useful to some: for the sake of this argument, let's leave that aside and say his contributions are useless or at least unappreciated. What should we do? Ban him from posting? Make a new rule that anybody who has achieved any success or progress in life shouldn't post in the Haven? Ban any kind of pragmatical or concrete recommendations? Especially since, in all honesty, he and other "successful" people have also been actively helpful and supportive and openly acknowledged as such.

And people who come across as more or less having their life together, who don't complain much, rant, make threats of suicide and stay articulate enough get almost no support when they make their own threads in the Haven and are often derailed by posters dismissing their suffering and claiming they have bigger, more significant problems. Just like offline, lack of overt, loud emotion is seen as lack of emotion.

What really bothers me in this thread is the attack on Ezra. He is not staying "afloat" by any means and he never made a secret of his problems, even if he's not complaining much. He didn't make this thread saying "y'all are a bunch of junkies that should be blamed and shamed for your problems since you enjoy them", and yet it seems this is how some people chose to read his post. The irony is priceless, since Ezra has neurological and physical issues much more severe than most of us, that affect drastically not only his quality of life, but even his life expectancy. He never was and will never be able to live independently, have a job or a family and a lot of other things that many people here either have and take for granted or at least have a chance of achieving. I have no doubt he'd get a lot of sympathy and support if he were to post here more about his struggles: but he doesn't and on occasions is even suspicious of sympathy if he perceives it as pity or condescension. Apparently this makes him an acceptable target and since he isn't vocal enough when in pain, it's fine to claim his attempt of exploring a hypothesis about his own and other people's problems is "disgusting", accuse him of arrogance, "dehumanising" others and hugely ironically again of talking about things he doesn't understand or know. And this is not a pissing contest on my part about who has it worse, I'm just trying to put things in perspective and remind people that those who don't want to be judged shouldn't be so quick to judge others and make extravagant assumptions about other people intentions or (lack of) struggles.

Yes, this should be a community and especially in the Haven it's sad to see posts motivated by personal grudges and dislikes. Those who function better and had certain advantages in life shouldn't dismiss and look down at those who don't. But there are also those who post here regularly about their issues and actually get a lot of emotional support both from the membership and (some of) the mods and their own struggles are not - in my opinion - an excuse for solipsism, personal attacks, or angry, unsupported assertions and accusations, while claiming they are the ones being bullied

What really gets me is when I am trying to offer advice, and trying to help the person......and the person you are offering advice to gets hostile with you.

That really gets on my nerves.

I come across people here and there who go on quite a bit about how bad their life is and never seem to make any headway. They get lots of advice but tend to either shoot it down or not act upon it. It seems like they are not really seeking a solution.

Then the thought occurred to me that perhaps they are addicted to suffering. So I looked it up to see if such a thing exists and came arcross quite a numbers of articles on the subject. Apparently it is an actual phenomenon.

This is a list someone came up wth of 10 warning signs that you are addicted to suffering:

1. You’re inconsolable.

2. You believe people don’t have control over how they feel.

3. You focus on everything that’s wrong in your life.

4. You play the victim and place blame on everywhere but yourself for hard times in your life.

5. You blame yourself for outrageous situations that could (1) never be your fault or, (2) are not as disastrous as you’re making it seem.

6. There’s a pattern of bad things happening during good times in your life

7. You take everything personally.

8. You find it impossible to forgive yourself.

9. You can’t think of anything to be grateful for.

10. You believe yourself to be a victim to circumstance.

Isn't this the forum where those addicted to drama and suffering come to refuse to accept anything that might resemble useful advice?

This is a rhetorical question?

Isn't this the forum where those addicted to drama and suffering come to refuse to accept anything that might resemble useful advice?

If you view it that way, the right thing for you would be to keep away from this forum.

I'm entitled to read and post where I'd like.