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Hatred Sucks.

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Sahn
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29 Oct 2019, 8:58 am

Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
You get frustrated by other members wallowing and have been glib at times. That feels closer to the truth. It's not the end of the world to admit that much...
I admit that much.
Hallelujah



Fnord
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29 Oct 2019, 9:03 am

domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
You get frustrated by other members wallowing and have been glib at times. That feels closer to the truth. It's not the end of the world to admit that much...
I admit that much.
Hallelujah
There's nothing wrong with frustration and glibness. What's your point?


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Sahn
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29 Oct 2019, 9:08 am

Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
You get frustrated by other members wallowing and have been glib at times. That feels closer to the truth. It's not the end of the world to admit that much...
I admit that much.
Hallelujah
There's nothing wrong with frustration and glibness. What's your point?

My point is that it's like a kick in the teeth on the way out the door. Are you any closer to understanding why some people are gunning for you?



BenderRodriguez
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29 Oct 2019, 9:12 am

blazingstar wrote:

For a period of my adolescence I truly hated my father. Eventually, I saw it was not worth the effort. Since them, many people have screwed me over, but I still don't hate. It isn't worth it, folks.

I had a cousin who visited me a couple of years ago. I asked, rhetorically, why someone who is now middle-aged, hold onto the abuses of childhood. He answered: You do if that is how you define your life. :idea:

How do we define our lives? Which wolf are we going to feed?


Good points, but I don't think most people really want to hold onto hate and past abuse. They don't know how to let go and they will need some guidance and help. Some are probably scared because processing trauma can be a long and painful journey and some just lost hope. Depression, (C)PTSD and other factors will play a major part too. I feel awfully sad for those stuck as they allow their abusers to keep poisoning their lives even after they're long gone :(

I see two sides to this: nobody can just "get over" trauma and its effects, but those who want to really need to make a long term commitment to a difficult process: it's the only way out of hell.


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Fnord
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29 Oct 2019, 9:12 am

domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
You get frustrated by other members wallowing and have been glib at times.  That feels closer to the truth.  It's not the end of the world to admit that much...
I admit that much.
Hallelujah
There's nothing wrong with frustration and glibness.  What's your point?
My point is that it's like a kick in the teeth on the way out the door.  Are you any closer to understanding why some people are gunning for you?
I already understand.

But explicitly stating my understanding could get me kicked out the door, so I'm holding back.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2019, 9:14 am

Wouldn't you agree that "recovery" often involves taking one backward step after taking two forward steps?

"Backsliding" is inevitable. It must be taken into account. it cannot be assumed that a person "failed" if the person "backslided."

The key to recovery, really, is making sure the "backsliding" isn't permanent.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 29 Oct 2019, 9:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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29 Oct 2019, 9:16 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Wouldn't you agree that "recovery" often involves taking one backward step after taking two forward steps? "Backsliding" is inevitable. The key to recovery, really, is making sure the "backsliding" isn't permanent.
Backsliding? Recovery? What is this now, an AA meeting?

:roll: Hello. My name is Fnord, and I am an aspie...


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2019, 9:18 am

Yeah...it's an AA meeting LOL

Bender was talking about trauma recovery. I was talking, in minimalist terms, about the nature of it.



Sahn
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29 Oct 2019, 9:26 am

Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
You get frustrated by other members wallowing and have been glib at times.  That feels closer to the truth.  It's not the end of the world to admit that much...
I admit that much.
Hallelujah
There's nothing wrong with frustration and glibness.  What's your point?
My point is that it's like a kick in the teeth on the way out the door.  Are you any closer to understanding why some people are gunning for you?
I already understand.

But explicitly stating my understanding could get me kicked out the door, so I'm holding back.

The future looks rosy



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29 Oct 2019, 9:28 am

domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
You get frustrated by other members wallowing and have been glib at times.  That feels closer to the truth.  It's not the end of the world to admit that much...
I admit that much.
Hallelujah
There's nothing wrong with frustration and glibness.  What's your point?
My point is that it's like a kick in the teeth on the way out the door.  Are you any closer to understanding why some people are gunning for you?
I already understand.  But explicitly stating my understanding could get me kicked out the door, so I'm holding back.
The future looks rosy.
The roses still need pruning.


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BenderRodriguez
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29 Oct 2019, 9:36 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yeah...it's an AA meeting LOL

Bender was talking about trauma recovery. I was talking, in minimalist terms, about the nature of it.


There will be a lot of ups and downs and "backsliding" - but it only goes anywhere only if it is actually part of the process of recovery. AA is not a bad parallel though as being there is proof that people want to recover. Here, it can be really hard to tell if people want to get better and struggle or if they just want others to agree there's no hope for them and they should give up :?


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2019, 9:41 am

I feel, underneath it all, that the vast majority of people want to recover.

I feel, sometimes, that anger sometimes gets in the way of recovery. And mistrust of people's intentions.

A desire for revenge, at times, is almost fatal for chances at recovery. That's my impression of it, based on what I've seen in people who spend lots of time seeking revenge.



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29 Oct 2019, 9:50 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
... Here, it can be really hard to tell if people want to get better and struggle or if they just want others to agree there's no hope for them and they should give up.
^ THIS ^

This has been the bane of my existence as far back as I can remember. I even took courses in crisis intervention and volunteered on a crisis intervention hotline. I quit after a few months because the same people kept calling in with the same problems, sometimes two or three times a shift, and the wanted neither a referral nor a solution. They just wanted to talk. And talk. And talk. And talk so much about how hopeless they felt that we would get complaints from people with real problems because the lines were always busy. Five months into the program and I was already burned out. Some say that I set a new longevity record.


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Wolfram87
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29 Oct 2019, 9:52 am

Fnord wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
... Which wolf are we going to feed?
I don't know about the others, but I'm going to feed the one that's screaming "CHOCOLATE!"

:D


You rang?


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2019, 9:53 am

I like Cherry Garcia myself.....



Sahn
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29 Oct 2019, 9:56 am

Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
Fnord wrote:
domineekee wrote:
You get frustrated by other members wallowing and have been glib at times.  That feels closer to the truth.  It's not the end of the world to admit that much...
I admit that much.
Hallelujah
There's nothing wrong with frustration and glibness.  What's your point?
My point is that it's like a kick in the teeth on the way out the door.  Are you any closer to understanding why some people are gunning for you?
I already understand.  But explicitly stating my understanding could get me kicked out the door, so I'm holding back.
The future looks rosy.
The roses still need pruning.

Sometimes it sounds as if you can see your part in the conflict but don't want to change. How are you qualified to "prune the roses" then? If you were a gardener you would have been sacked!