Not much to say but too much to think about.

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As a women I experience alternating times of great socialness and times of great solitude each month! Inevitably I will schedule a bunch of meetups one time of the month, and then two weeks later when I want to be alone, I have all these appointments! I am afraid with menopause I will become a recluse (no hormonal motivation for socializing). I have heard that men have cycles also (measured by beard growth), so maybe you are in a low-beard growth portion.

I remember as a child being super involved and busy outside the house and then being a complete homebody. And each time I couldn't imagine what it was like otherwise. I had periods of depression. Now in my life I have many demands, so can't readily tell. I'm sure it's still there but I am pushing through it. I have periods of great irritability.

I'm too shy to leave my house without a reason. People who don't know me nearly always don't want to & I'm lacking the perspectives of my friends that I once depended on.

I guess I'll take a nap since I'm wasting energy on literally anything else.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

They're just too busy to be bothered as far as I can tell.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Women have hormone cycles and so do men. I've read about it here and there. I think the sensitive AS types can very much have moods impacted by hormones. My monthly, circumstantial, annual and lifetime hormone cycles (and foods, etc.) definitely affects my get-up-and-socialize, so I would expect a man's would impact him similarly.

Here's mention of the daily cycle: https://www.myhormonology.com/learn/male-hormone-cycle/
What catches my attention is this quote (bracketed words are mine - having some fun, forgive me - comic relief?): "Testosterone can plunge suddenly, too. For example, research shows that when a man [is down about something] his testosterone dips sharply... This decline in testosterone can then make him blue, cranky or lethargic."

Another I find (Mr. Google if you will, not sure it's "true"): https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/male-h ... se-1009127

This link is strictly about beard growth (a longer cycle) ----I really like the numbers--- I would expect that there are behavioral aspects to each part of the cycle. https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/jefffsb ... 35160.html

So, consider how much of your "social down" is something out there or a phase if you will. My NT husband is amazed to the degree that I can feel bad for feeling bad. I am working on having more self-compassion on my down days (or larger increment of time) --- and holding out for the better ones. Sometimes I just need the clouds to clear. Literally.

Apologies for my typo-based stream of consciousness, I haven't been very enthusiastic about my computers as usual lately so here I am on my phone. I do have one friend I chill with regularly so I'll roll up to his place instead of sleeping as much as I really should.

Even I'm not very clear on what I'm actually complaining about considering it's entirely in my head until I manage to cancel out my coffee-addled, idle, indisposed hacker mental state.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I've been told reality can be hacked. I'd like to know how to do that. It could come in handy.

I wouldn't want to void reality's warranty.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Mine is void already. Years of gaslighting, then self delusion... Who Am I? Oddly I used to have a recurring nightmare: the VOID.

I guess it's my endless overthinking about social anxiety giving me panic attacks lately, only most of those have been somewhat muted. I can't stop staring at the ceiling & I should just wake up to have a beer with my roommate.

... Or sleep might be good if I could work that out without further pill intake tonight.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Is it a "popcorn" ceiling (popular in the 1990s). Sorry for the stressedoutness.

It would be so nice if I got to work when I wanted and play with my kids when I wanted. I do all those other things I want to do when I want to. But no. Apparently I am supposed to work and parent and it's all so very stressful. Actually it's that one issue of mine that's particularly stressful. I'm still holding that Overwhelm at a distance.

I'm hyper-vigilant about all the most mundane, pointless stuff I shouldn't worry about today. I get really paranoid about others' plausible negative opinions or intentions regarding me without cause, mostly because, as Persephone suggested - "...I think knowing has hurt us..." - I'm always thinking about how I might atone for fuck-ups I subconsciously believe I must have missed.

Lots of scary stuff is going on in the world & I feel there's not enough togetherness among friends of mine. As an aspie, how the hell do I do something about that?

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

It is a scary time in the world. But many people don't acknowledge that, so perhaps are not drawn together as they might be if the threats were more concrete. I don't know if it is an aspie trait to be able to see more clearly.

I don't know that I see more clearly than anyone at all anyway. Perhaps the trouble is that it's not a distinction I can make. I'll have to keep rethinking this so I'll try to be back on this shoe gazing thread later.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos