Not Enjoying Living (Trigger Warning: Suicide)

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Yeah, not being able to get a relationship sucks no matter who you are, but I'm sure you'd agree that being able to engage in casual sexual encounters would make it at least a bit more bearable than not being able to find a willing participant for either a relationship or sex.


The way I see it, my life's only going to be worth living if I'm generally enjoying it/content with it. I know myself well enough to know that no amount of pleasure in other areas is going to outweigh the pain of a perpetual inability to attract a romantic partner, and experience love while I'm young. Therefore, if I can't attract a romantic partner, and I'm going to be tormented by that fact my whole life, why would I want to live?

And again, that's only one of the two big things that are bothering me.


Do you think that anything you've learned would be applicable to solving the problems I've described in this thread?

Actually, I've been unhappy for years, and it's only getting worse as I'm getting older. Mainly related to not being able to get a girlfriend. I just can't get over it, and if I'm honest, I don't want to/feel like I shouldn't have to. It frustrates me to no end that almost everyone else in the world gets to experience romantic or sexual intimacy at some point, and my teens and early 20s are gone and I never got to experience any of it. Physically, I'm only getting less attractive, so that just makes it even harder to believe that I'm ever going to get what I want.

Even if I got a girlfriend tomorrow, it'd take a lot more than that to undo the damage that's been done to my self-image through my perpetual inability to date.

Good to hear that you're closer with your family now.

I have a pretty good relationship with my family. Covid hasn't really affected it at all.

From observing my dad and other aspies who have gotten wives and had children, positive optimistic thinking patterns are the commonality between them. One was like that and another one too naturally, but the third one went through therapy and was on ten medications..also moderately successful aspies reported relief and benefit from working out at the gym or at home.. it’s not easy to start for example I haven’t been able to.. but they are doing it..

I feel the same and the older I get, the uglier the women my age get and the further I am from what I have always wanted.. which leads me to question whether wanting it should be so critical in the first place.. maybe as aspie I should accept that I did not manage to have the gf experience? and move on to other things I may find interesting..?

It’s a myth that physical looks peak in one’s 20s. I didn’t look all that great in my 20s. I looked better as I got older.

You’ve just lost quite a bit of weight. What makes you believe you are less attractive at 24 than you were at 21?

I devoted my time to self-actualisation.
It worked out well for me.

Receding hairline, tear trough deformity, I pretty much don't have a jawline now where I used to kinda have one, loose skin from weight loss, my lazy eye has rotated outward a little more and my posture has gotten worse with certain muscles getting weaker.

Some of this stuff is related to the second major problem I have, but I don't really want to discuss it.

@GI

for what it's worth I think there's a lot of people on WP who are in the same boat as you but they are coping ok

Although I dated plenty of girls I never got intimate till I was 35 when I got married so not having a girlfriend isn't that big a deal even for NTs.

Like you I was going through the desperation stakes in my 20s wondering what I was missing out on with sex (fear of missing out is a real thing). But like a lot of other folks we learn to find happiness in other pursuits whether it be the search for self-actualisation, hobbies or passions/interests.

Cosmetic surgery can help with this.

I agree that there are many on here who are in the same boat, but I'm not so sure that the majority of them are coping ok.


Sex factors into it, but it's by no means the driving force behind my despair. The driving force is that I can't find anyone who I'm attracted to where that attraction is reciprocated, and that forces me to adopt a low opinion of my own attractiveness, and in turn, my chances of finding a partner.

The resulting depression from this, the loneliness associated, the feelings of inferiority, the frustration, the constant reminders, it all equates to an insurmountable overload of emotional suffering that I lack the will to live through.

If this is what my life is going to be, why would I want to continue living?

Yeah, but it's quite costly and will leave scars.

As far as loose skin goes, mine isn't all that bad. The main problem I have with it is that it's yet another thing that could turn women off dating me.

I see. Are you very selective? have you considered dating women whom you thought you were not attracted to?

You seem like an intelligent guy so why not try an online relationship. It might be easier and you to seek online romance and you won't be encumbered by all the physical stuff?

If it isn't that bad, maybe get some muscles to firm up?

So I misspoke here. What I should have said was



I have a fairly specific preference, but I don’t discount those who don't meet it. Beyond that, I wouldn't say I'm particularly selective in terms of looks.



I don't really regard online relationships as real relationships until the couple has met each other in real life, and unless one partner is willing to move to be with the other at some point.

It's for this reason, and the fact that I'd miss out on the stuff I'd get from a real relationship that I'm not interested in cultivating an exclusive relationship that will remain online indefinitely.

That said, I've had a couple of online connections in the past with whom there were romantic connotations, but there was neither an expectation of exclusivity, nor an expectation that we were trying to form a relationship. In other words, just someone to flirt with.

While I don't think I'd say having a connection like this made up for not having a relationship, it certainly made it easier to cope, and made me feel better about myself. It beats the nothing I have now by a long shot, but I wouldn't know where to go to seek out another one of those connections. The sites I found them on last time are no longer viable.

Agree with everything you said. The online option is to keep yourself occupied during lockdown. As things improve you can start meeting people in person again.