dangerously alone......

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here is the link one more time, read it:

http://www.worldsexology.org/index.asp

because I assure you that you don't know more about sexuality than the European Union or the United Nations, I think you need an ego check.

I knew a guy in a similar situation to you.

He had lost his job, had terrible psychological problems and a cannabis addiction. And his girlfriend had left him.

Do you know what he did? He gave up the harmful drug habit, struggled for months to come to terms with his problems (psychiatrists and such) and went out and got a job. Last I heard, he had a stable income and a new girlfriend.

I was in contact with him throughout all of this, and you know what?

Never, once, did he threaten to kill himself. And he never whined to me about wanting sex.

He got on with his life and came to terms with his problems.

I suggest you do the same.

Edit: Okay, okay... how, exactly, are we supposed to help you, other than in offering sympathy and advice? I'm serious...what do you expect us to do?

How old are you, snake?

My mention of sex was how it relates to your impulsivity. Like I said before I do not accept the premise that not having a relationship (regardless of the nature of it) is your core problem. Your core issues are the factors keeping you from developing a relationship. When those problems are solved you will no longer view having a mate as a necessity for survival but as a free choice that you can exercise, succeed at and enjoy. Personally I think the name of your core problem is BPD. It can be difficult to treat but its treatable.

Those stories sound better when you mention something like: 'He is now the CEO of British Telecom."



In fairness to Snake321 your friend likely did not have a persuasive problem like BPD. Making suicide threats that your friend did not make for example is a BPD trait. People with BPD will be argumentative. The average doctor would pull his own hair out dealing with them. The best doctor would stand with cold face and ignore Snake321 hostility. He would not fight him. If asked if he cares he would tell Snake321 "no I'm just doing a job." 1-5 years might be a realistic treatment time frame for BPD.

Last edited by TheMachine1 on 06 Sep 2007, 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Actually, the guy I mentioned did have Borderline Personality Disorder.

I think my story was misleading...he had already been fighting with his problems for many years when I met him.

Snake, one thing you must do is stop your drug use. Weed may seen innocuous, but it is know to exacerbate mental illnesses. I don't know much on the subject, but there is a suspected link between cannabis use and psychotic illnesses, such as Schizophrenia.

Snake--

I read the WAS declaration of sexual rights, and as I read it, it struck me what part of your problem is. You believe you are entitled to sex. The declaration does not say that. It says that you have a right to express your full sexuality so long as you do not violate the rights of others to their own sexuality.

In fact, nowhere does it say in the declaration of sexual rights that people have a "right" to specific sexual acts. In fact, autoeroticism (w*king) is considered a part of sexual expression and should be allowed.

In order to express one's sexuality and to share that intimately with another person means one has to have basic social skills. Those can be learned, and guess what? It means working at changing certain behaviors so that you can express your feeling and desires in a positive way to another person.

It means that there has been an abundance of very good advice given on this thread, and if you chose to ignore it and cling to your pain, you chose to do so. No-one else, not society, God, or whatever. You did. You have to get beyond the rigid thinking you've built up for yourself. Nothing's easy.

No-one is saying you don't have pain. You don't have the market cornered on pain and loneliness. But the only one to change what is happening in your life is you. And don't expect to know what the hell you're doing. No-one does. Just thank goodness you are young enough to do something about it.

Go back over this thread, write the suggestions down on a piece of paper, and do one of them if you're serious about changing your life.

Or don't. Your choice.

Metta, and Karuna, Rjaye.

Yes it does it says every human being, male or female, are evolutionarily entitled to a successful sex life, it's not what we do, IT'S WHAT WE ARE. Let me show you a draft of the sexual rights:

http://www.iashs.edu/rights.html

READ NUMBER 8

And "learning those social skills" means exhausting myself to try to be someone I'm not, trying to keep up an act, taking YEARS to learn how to be something I am not, a NT. It's a slow, painful, and not-likely-to-work process.

Okay, then, Snake. Assume you are right, for a moment.

Tell me this: What are we supposed to do about it?

If you are so sure of your certainty, why not go to the IASHS and request for service?

We don't have the power to give you what you want. We will only give you the advice you need.

Edit: Another thing: there are Aspie men out there who are successful with women. Why not find some and ask them for advice?

I was following a thread in the "Women's" section about how to get a geeky guy to leave you alone. A lot of women were weighing in with suggestions on how to humiliate the poor guy even further.

Experiences like this would only tend to make the male recipients of these actions even more depressed and misogynistic.

I know that for fat ugly women the situation can be much worse. Women are judged much more on their attractiveness than men are, and I don't know that prostitution even offers them an outlet.

So, my advice would be, w*k away, enjoy the prostitutes, and be thankful that you are at least not a fat ugly woman. In time, someone will come through and see the good in you, if you allow them.

We are not talking about treating AS social cognitive problems though.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_ ... al_therapy

CBT to correct negative thinking. Anti-depressant to stabilize
mood. You have distorted perception of what percent of your problem is ASD and secondary issues. Reduce the secondary
issues and I'm confident your one of the aspies that have a productive life.

That is one good point that I have been trying to get through to the guys here. Some women have a hard time too.

And, no, the fact that they may, possibly, have a lower sex drive than men doesn't make their situation any less urgent.

The simple emotional need that such women have for love and companionship is just as strong as a man's desire for sex.

(Edit: But that's not really the point of this thread. Don't get me started, and please, for the love of GOD, don't argue with me on this. We'd never stop...)

Women on the spectrum that are officially diagnosed tend to have worst problems obtaining a mate. Granted the official numbers are alot more men are diagnosed. Presumably alot of undiagnosed women with ASD might make the actual statistics say women have less, more or about the same level of problems with romantic relationships.

I'm not saying that NO woman has troubles finding a mate, just statistically most women, reguardless if theyr disabled or not, AS or NT, have it alot easier than men. Of coarse there are those select few women that look overly manly or are just way outwardly physically unattractive, or has a severely low functioning disorder, but women have much more leniency on looks than a man does because even most unattractive women can find some guy somewhere who will be interested in them, because women are more in demand than men are, and are the gatekeepers to anything dealing with intimacy. It's far more rare to find a woman who can't get it than a man who can't get it. Just look at the autism groups.
As for why I spoke about this here, I just had to get it off my back. This is the haven, that is why this place is here after all.