The hardest part for you about having AS is:

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Actually, it might be an asset. You have focus and problem solving skills and the ability to be dispassionate about your patients and their diseases, which is not as bad as it sounds.

And misunderstanding others. It pains me not to understand something. Really gets to me. Lie awake at night wondering why someone said this or why that person was really nice to me one day but ignoring me the next.

I've learned that truly meeting someone else halfway is actually a very hard thing to do, since people are so different from one another in how they need to be "met". One person's "halfway meeting point" may be much further from you than another person's.

If I try, I can realize that I'm a difficult person for others to meet halfway. I totally see that it's not my fault -- it's just, when I think about things I say, and ways I act, I see how most other people would be drawing a blank at trying to interpret me.

I mean, sometimes we forget that people have only what we give them to go on. They don't have what we meant to give them -- only what actually came out as clear communication. It's VERY frustrating, but it's true. As much as it would make it easier, other people cannot read our thoughts or intents from most things we say and do. Aspies like me are bad as spelling things out clearly for another person whom we want to understand us. We think we're spelling it out, and that the other person must just be stupid, but usually if we really think about what we said and did to try to communicate something, we realize a lot of the intended communication probably fell by the wayside.

So, thought it can be frustrating, I've adopted a method of uber-patiently explaining things as crystal-clearly as possible to people who aren't understanding me, and I try to do it with a friendly, sincere tone. I can sometimes work myself into a mode in which I'm simply not going to get impatient with someone -- I'm just going to keep inventing ways of communicating a fact until they show they've gotten it. We all need more patience -- it's in short supply these days.

I briefly thought about becoming a doctor. I'm good doing meticulous work under pressure, and staying objective, but the part that made me decide I definitely couldn't do it was the conversational part, where the people are supposed to feel confidence in me by talking with me. "Confidence" is not what most Aspies inspire in other in first meetings. I'd be looking at the floor, or staring too intensely at their eyes, and mumbling in monotone. They'd more likely consider me a shady character than a worthy physician, because there are many physicians who are good at smiling broadly, appearing genial, and making you feel like they're competent (whether or not they are). (Of course, me personally, I don't like when a doctor smiles at me... perhaps that's a more common reaction than I think...)

Since me aunt died this year, my only friend is me mum and although she is younger than her sister( aforementioned aunt) she will die soon enough and I will not have anyone to talk to.

I am trying to be brave and accept this.

I always try to make friends. I have observed most friends have something in common. I unfortunately seem to have nothing in common with the people I encounter daily.

I keep hoping someday this will change.

36 years and counting...

no change

Letting Christmas go and waking up on January 1st. Christmas has been my life long obsession.

loneliness - being lonely but at the same time wanting to be left alone

Aloneness and lack of self control.

Being aware of the image I project most of the time and being unable to change this. I don't like looking people in the eyes and I usually have a blank expression too. People don't generally like this combination as I think that they think I'm dishonest and/or guilty. I have a hard time returning smiles and banal pleasantries. I think what I'm trying to say in a circuitous manner is that I find the loneliness and isolation hard to cope with. Even when I'm with other people, I feel alone.

people manipulating me..... and lying to know end

curebies hassling me (at the moment at least).

I also hate it, when people think I'm simple. I'm not that big on pity, either. I like the article that was wrote by Jim Sinclair that's titled, Don't Mourn For Us.

what the hell is a curebies?? lol

Mine is when out at pub or club and I get Infomation overload with everything going on around me. This usually happens if I go with a gf and I worry about her, but happens a lot of times I;m not on drink/drugs/ They make social situations so much easier. Even not being smashed just bit tipsy or some such, just relaxes me and find things easier etc

My spelling sucks a bit (I think).

A curebie is someone who doesn't believe that Autism or Aspergers is a genetic disease but instead attributes it to immunization, either as a baby, rubella shots in pregnant women, living near power lines, too much TV whatever...

Then they decide that you can be cured by one or more of the following methods;
- a Eating Natural foods
- taking certain drugs
- taking natural drugs / plant essences
- watching non-violent TV
- not playing computer games
- electroshock therapy
- washing heavy metals out of the blood
- capital punishment for the smallest offence
- continual smacking / discipline
- religion.
- scientology

The hardest part for me is being the kind of person who'll think and think and think on problems, slave away trying to find solutions for what holds me back in my life, only to find out not only that many of the things I can't surmount are the most binding issues but the very fact that I'm so logically proactive and intellectualizing about the problem, in and of itself, is something that takes my man card away from me, rips it up, and puts me even further from being what's seen as right or good in this society.

Its like any means I have available to make my life better seem to counteract enough to where I spin my wheels, go nowhere, and the only assurance I'm left with is that I have more control over my life and environment than I would have otherwise (which is a trade off - probably guaranteed stasis, complete lack of change for the better, for life over some real bad rollercoaster ups and downs and a complete gamble on how that would turn out and whether I'd hold up or fly off the rail). Part of my conservative approach is just to counteract and combat what I know are my own biggest mental health issues - as they diminish I find myself more opened to new means and methods that I couldn't have done previously.

Still, I feel like my life's definitely on autopilot toward nowhere and it'll be a long time before I'm able to completely bail myself out of whatever deficit that my genetics and childhood put me in.

A curbie can also be someone who believes that autism can and should be cured. These people typically favor spending money on research more than social services.