Am I losing my mind?

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I still feel scared, now I have the knife right beside me if the thought insertion gets bad again. I live in Washington state but the times on here are still one hour off. By the way, I am NOT suicidal as it might seem that way, I want to live and that is why the bomb must come out and the same with the nanobots.

I really doubt that a knife is a good way to remove a bomb.
Way too much blood. You said you aren't suicidal, but if you
try to use a knife that way, it could kill you. Isn't that suicidal?

(I'm sorry for the long delay for my response. I was out of town
today and then we had a guest over for dinner. )

If you really feel that there is something inside you that needs to
be removed, you need to let a surgeon take care of it. A real doctor.
Just think of all the problems with infection you could have if you cut
your skin and don't have the proper antibiotics. I'm a person who needs
to take antibiotics even if I'm just going to the dentist, so I know.

The reason why the doctors can't do it is that they won't believe me. They will respond, "You are delusional, there is no bomb in you so I can't take it out." I am not delusional because I feel the pressure of where the bomb is. It is in the back of my neck, don't worry its not in my throat because now that will kill me! Then I would just let it explode because cutting your throat can kill you. By the way, the doctors will think I am crazy if I tell them about the bomb!

but if you cut close to the back of your neck, that could paralyze you for life.
It could put you in a wheelchair not even able to use your arms. You've seen
pictures of Stephan Hawking, haven't you? You don't want to end up looking
like that. I still don't think a knife is a good idea.

Have you ever thought that the feeling of pressure might be from something
that isn't a bomb?

You said in another thread on the forum that you live with your parents. Aren't they helping you with any of this?

Also you do not have a bomb in your neck. Your title for this thread is 'Am I losing my mind?'. Sorry, but yes it would seem so. There is no bomb in your neck. You do not have 'nanobots' in you (whatever they are). Everyone keeps telling you to go and get help because it is obvious you need it. Please follow the advice. If anything's been planted in you it's something that's making you think terrible things that aren't real.

Please get help

Hey Firebird, how's the weather in Washington? I'm in California and we finally have something that feels like a little bit of winter. Chilly this morning, overcast. Someone said it might rain. We really really need the rain. It's rained here maybe twice since last April. I'm sitting here at my computer wearing leg warmers hooded sweatshirt and a knit cap. We only heat the house with the wood stove, and I don't like to burn wood unless the night is going to be really cold. Too much pollution. Yesterday morning another person in our house came walking into the kitchen to complain that she was cold. She was wearing only a short-sleeved t-shirt and light-weight capri pants, no shoes or socks, and seemed to expect other people to do something to make her warm. I just smiled and told her she could stand in the sun coming in the glass door, but inside I was thinking "Then go put on some more clothing woman!" And of course her room gets cold at night, but she's the one who took down the insulated drapes and didn't put anything in their place. The drapes are still sitting there so she could put them back up.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant. I just thought if I told you what's on my mind, you would tell me what's on yours.

Yes, my parents help. They keep on telling me that it isn't real but it seems so real to me. I don't think it is fake. A nanobot is this tiny machine that they have that can be used for good or evil. Since the gov put it me it is for evil. Do I even have a mind or is it long gone? Where is my brain- oh wait! I don't have a brain because I come from Earth and am a human. 90% of humans don't have brains. Just look at their driving skills for example. They can't figure out what a red light means, they are driving way too slow, they pass in no passing zones- putting everyone in danger and look at our current president- he thinks the economy is strong! Also McCain said the same thing even though the economy is in the worst condition since the great depression. I see people do stupid things everyday. That is why people ain't got a brain. By the way, why would I think things that aren't real? That would be another brainless thing of me.

I totally agree with you about the brainlessness of the current US administration.
Only 15 more days to the rebirth of common sense!!

About the "real" and the "unreal" . Sometimes things that you think are real might be real in a different way than you interpret them. I know, that's a confusing statement. I'll give you an example. One night I started dreaming that there were ants crawling on my legs, and then they were burrowing under my skin. I woke up, and I could still feel the darn things crawling around underneath my skin. REally unpleasant and scary. I kept trying to find them, trying to figure out how they got there. But I couldn't see anything on my skin or under it. Then later that afternoon my skin broke out in a rash that became terribly itchy. It was poison oak. The poisonous oils were attacking my nerve endings before the rash developed. So the thing that had attacked me was poison oak oil, not ants. But the feelings were real.

I'm just wondering about the feeling of pressure in your neck. No one is saying that isn't real. But it doesn't seem logical to me that it would be a bomb. What would be the purpose of that? And what other things might there be that could cause that feeling?

It can be terrifying when you're in the middle of it. I have had very mild versions of some kind of delusions/hallucinations caused by illness - if I get a bad cold or the 'flu and I get a temperature in the night, I can have terrifying sensations when I wake up in the middle of the night. Time in its entirety feels slowed right down and distorted and everything felt out of proportion and even soft surfaces felt hard. My body has odd sensations and I have trouble thinking properly. I have a general sense of alarm and urgency. I have also seen severed heads beside my bed in a hypnopompic hallucination (I have had other hypnopompic hallucinations too).

These are very mild versions of hallucinations/delusions yet they are terrifying. Fortunately I was able to know that what I was experiencing was not real and that it was indeed a hallucination but that did not take away the feeling that it was real and the terror that accompanied it.

So...in some ways I have a small understanding of what you are experiencing but my understanding is limited.

As for your reason for thinking things aren't real, that is because your brain is malfunctioning, like mine did temporarily during the hallucinations I experienced (actually my brain malfunctions a lot in the form of Tourette syndrome and other various neurological abnormalities). All humans have brains but that doesn't mean they use them very well or that their brains are good. If you didn't have a brain you would not be able to write anything here!

About the paranoia thing, if people don't believe you and think you are psychotic about the cameras spying on you can go look at google maps. It is scary what you can find there. Knowing that people can watch your car out on the street like that could cause paranoia. Then, when people say you are paranoid, you can show them goggle maps and how they can google street addresses and get satellite data about locations like stores and stuff. I did it a few months ago and went to the craft store. I was really paranoid at the time, but I did it anyway.
cameras
http://maps.google.com/

RFID (thats where they could implant chips inside you)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RFID
http://www.spychips.com/devices/verichi ... eport.html
When I first read about this, I was like OMG, this stuff is so creepy. It was way too easy to get creeped out by that stuff. Fortunately, economics dictate that it is too expensive to put chips in every little thing. We did the right thing to crash the economy, by the way people won't be able to afford cameras everywhere and RFID chips.
If you are picking up other peoples thoughts, you have got to realize how lucky you are. My husband has issues with “not being able to read other peoples minds” he feels that at work he is supposed to be able to read his co-workers mind, but he can't do it. I really see the problem now with picking up all that stuff. You have got to filter it out.
As far as the weight goes, staying off the anti-psychotics and exercising will help with that. You can tell people that you are working on the weight. I have heard, actually that people on the autistic spectrum should not take anti-psychotics because it can produce psychotic symptoms instead of stopping them. I know that sounds really warped, but this is what I have read elsewhere too. I know sometimes people like to put people on the autistic spectrum on anti-psychotics to make them more complacent, but in the end it just makes the troublesome symptoms worse.

That whole bomb in the neck just got me thinking that it could be thyroid issues.

Hey Firebird, you still there? Come talk to us so we know you are doing OK.

I have to agree with a lot of what Taimaat says. Google maps is wonderful when you are trying to find someplace, but I was horrified when I found a site that lists people by how much they have contributed to an election campaign, and then not only gives their address, but also Google map links so any kook with an opposing political view can find out exactly what their house looks like and how to get there.

Taimaat wrote

I went to a psychiatrist once (couples counseling) After the first visit my husband refused to go back, so I went alone. The shrink told me I was suffering from depression and put me on Melaril. Taking the stuff made me feel like a black cloud was settling over me. I didn't want to even move. It made me feel so hopeless. I went back to the shrink and told him it wasn't working, so he fixed it by prescribing a stronger dose of the same stuff.

After I got the pills home, I took a long look at them and dumped them in the trash. Next day I went into the city and enrolled in some business classes. Being out of the house in a structured environment did wonders for my depression. BUT -- it stayed on my medical records that I had been prescribed Melaril. A few years later after my first child was born I took her to the local clinic for her three month exam by the pediatrician. While my baby and I waited inside the examing room, I could hear my doctor talking to the pediatrician on the other side of the door. Dr. Tim was telling Dr. K that this mother had to be watched carefully because she was taking a "psyche affecting drug." When Dr. K. walked into the examing room, he said something like "Well, I don't know much about psychiatry, but I do know about babies." The thing is, I got the impression that Dr. Tim was going around telling all the other doctors that I was nut case. AndI believe it affected the way the local medical community dealt with me. I think some doctors are lazy in that they will read or hear the opinion that another doctor has formed of you, and they adopt that opinion. It takes too much time and effort for them to look at you and listen to you and try to figure out for themselves what's going on.

I am still here and I didn't die! I am still alive unless it is my ghost that is typing this!

And you're doing OK, right?

Hello FireBird

It depends on the day on how many hallucinations I have or how strong the thought insertion is. One day it doesn't happen at all, and then suddenly the following day I hallucinate a lot and the thought insertion is so severe that I almost break down in tears. Drawing, playing video games, and music really helps me distract from the thought insertion.