Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

Post Reply New Topic

I am glad that you are going to find a new therapist. Things did not work out very well with your last therapist; maybe this doctor will be better than your last doctor.



I also think that the intensive outpatient service at the hospital may be a good idea. I do not know anything about them since I have never been to one of them, but I hope it is helpful for you. I thought about going to one of them a few years ago, but my therapist did not think I needed to go to it. One of my problems I would have with going is that I am extremely shy & quiet, so I would not know what to say to any one. I also do not like being in big groups of people, particularly strangers. I hope the group is a success for you, and you may even meet a friend in the group.



I hope you can find something to do which will distract you from your depression symptoms; I know from experience that it is difficult to do, but I am hopeful that you can do the same thing.



Big hugs.

I'll probably have the same problems with the groups, but I think at least listtening might help me. It's not distracting in a good way, but at least feeling awful because of my cold has been distracting me from the depression and self-harm and stuff. Once I'm feeling better physically, I'll probably have a better idea of how I'm actually doing mentally.

Now my parents are saying we might not do our annual New Year's visit to our relatives in Chicago because it might be too stressful for me I won't deny that being around so many people is stressful, but no more so this year than any other. I've never been fond of being treated differently, and I'm getting tired of being treated as if I might shatter at the slightest touch.

I am sorry that you will not be visiting your relatives in Chicago. Were you excited about going to see them? Taking trips has always been kind of stressful for me, but I always liked seeing my family & relatives; we always had a lot of fun. Sometimes, I was also treated differently, but I understood that they were just trying to be nice to me.



I am also sorry that you have a cold, it is no fun at all. Whenever I have a cold, I just want to sleep all day & not leave my bed at all. I think this time of the year is known as "flu season," so I am trying to be really careful. I hope you get better soon, and then you can decide if you want to go to the outpatient service at your hospital.



I will keep thinking about you, and I hope you get better soon. 300 big hugs.

We may or may not be going. My parents want to talk to my therapist first, which isn't going to happen until Friday. Actually, the only part of the trip I was really looking forward to was going to the Shedd Aquarium (I really love that place). I'd mostly just feel bad that the rest of my immediate family didn't get to go because of me.

I'm having a hard time with this cold because after getting out of the hospital, which was pretty boring, I don't want to just sit in bed and rest, even though my body's clearly trying to tell me that's what I should be doing (my temperature's been over 100°F for a couple days). And yeah, colds and flus are most common around this time of year (though if I remember correctly, I think peak flu season is actually in February). Lots of hand-washing is definitely in order. Fortunately I'm too far away for you to catch my germs

Due to frustration from my phone's battery declining to the point that it shut itself off while it was on the charger, I ended up self-harming for the first time since I left the hospital. I stuck a pin in ten or so different places, and only got a little blood from one. I can't even do that properly anymore, it seems.

I thought I was doing a bit better depression-wise and a lot better self-harm-wise since I got back from the hospital, but now I feel like everything's the same, except that those horrible images the Abilify caused are gone (which is a huge relief).

I hope you can still take your trip to Chicago with your family & go to the Shedd Museum. Are you going to see your doctor about your cold? I wish your temperature was not so high; are you feeling nausea or do you have a headache or sore throat? I wash my hands a lot, so I do not get sick very often.



You were doing well with your self-harm habit; I am sorry it returned. Since you have not hurt yourself since your hospital stay, do you still get the same thrill from cutting yourself as you did before? Do you feel like you need return to the hospital. I wish there was a way that you could stop hurting yourself, but I suppose you just need to have more patience & willpower.



I am still worried that you may actually kill yourself, and I am still thinking about you. More big hugs.

Sorry about your phone.

I do hope you get to go to that aquarium.

And stay in bed if you have a fever.

Wolfman Hugs to you.....

My temperature's stayed below 100 today and there's nothing else to suggest I have anything more than a bad cold, so I'm not planning on seeing my doctor for that. I think all I need is rest - it seems to have done me good today.

I absolutely got just as much thrill from the small amount of blood I was able to get, and would have loved to see more. I'm hoping part of why I was hurting myself every day was just habit, which will have been broken now. Since I haven't had any more horrible images except for flashbacks one night, I don't want to die, and I'm still using pins instead of an actual blade, I don't think I need to go back to the hospital now. As long as I've still got that will to live, I'll tell my parents if I think I do. And yep, I think more willpower, and also learning new coping strategies (which is what I'm hoping to get out of an intensive outpatient program), are what will let me be able to eventually completely stop hurting myself.

I am glad that all you have is just a bad cold & nothing more serious. Do you think you are feeling any better? I wish I could sent you a get well card, and I hope you feel better soon.



Someone else may have already given you this suggestion, but it may be helpful to give your self-harm "weapons" to someone you trust, who can hide them from you. That way, you will be safer & less likely to hurt yourself. You may still have the urge to do it at first, but I think it will gradually decline over time.



The services at your hospital will probably help you a lot, and they may have more coping solutions that I do not know about, since they are experts in this subject.



I am still thinking about you. Big hugs.

I am feeling a bit better. I think staying at home and resting all day yesterday really helped. I did give the pins I usually use for self-harm to my mom, but then I found two that weren't with the others. I'm kind of afraid that if I completely remove that option, I'll get desperate enough that I'll use whatever I can find - if nothing else, I can always use my fingernails or teeth. I feel like it's safer for me to just use the pins, and also to not wait until I'm really desperate and therefore likely to do more damage at once. It also feels good just to know they're there if I really need them even if I don't end up using them.

Ah man, Ms. Dragon!

I bet you're really an absolutely gorgeous woman. I know you're gorgeous in your mind.

Your body doesn't like getting pins pricked into it all the time.

Aww, thank you. I'm trying to stop, but it's really hard to resist the urge. Like I've said, I think it's an actual addiction for me - it's probably as hard for me to stop hurting myself as it is for someone to stop smoking or drinking alcohol. But on the plus side, that means there's hope - plenty of people have successfully quit smoking, drinking, etc., so I can probably quit hurting myself.

It makes me upset, partially, because I once had a girlfriend who hurt herself.

And also because it just feels like you're abusing yourself; I can almost feel the pain of the pinprick myself.

But it's good that you could talk about it here on WrongPlanet.

Kraftie is a good judge of character and you have a lovely personality.
You are very brave to put yourself out there too which helps others.
People do quit their habits and addictions all the time.

I have been wondering about some psychology called REBT and how you use needles when frustrated after an event like when you phone didn't charge properly.
There is 3 core beliefs which cause distress and if tackled can be a good way of helping to relieve unpleasant feelings which cause undesired behaviour.
I would say that you are being held in some kind of loop which needs breaking - like a perpetual cycle.

Does your therapist ever get you working with irrational thoughts, ideas, images?

Thank you. It helps me, too, to be able to talk about this stuff here. I don't think I've heard of REBT, I'll look into it. I have not been working with irrational thoughts, images, etc. with my therapist. The images were only caused by the Abilify, but I think I do have some irrational thoughts because of the depression.