Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

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I'd be pissed off if I didn't have use of my phone.

I depend upon it quite a bit within my everyday life.

How are you, Ms. Dragon?

I'm glad. I hope you sleep well tonight.

I was wondering, do you think santa will bring you a new computer?
I hope you get something that you really would like.

I know how you feel. I have also been feeling depressed recently, especially at night. I do not suffer from insomnia, but just acute sadness & depression; at night, I just lay in my bed, with a lot of heavy covers & blankets, wishing I was happy again, and think about when I was happy. Other nights, I just stare at my alarm clock & listen to the radio, hoping it will help me sleep. Sometimes, I wish I could go to the hospital because I would be away from home & with people who care about me & want to help me get better.



I just remembered something I have done in the past which may also help you. A few years ago, I felt so bad that I called the suicide hotline, and the telephone operator I spoke to recommended another telephone service called the warm line. The warm line is a telephone support number run by volunteers who listen to callers' problems, or who just need someone to talk to. You can tell them anything, and they will listen & try to help you & give you advice. I looked it up online, and there are different warm lines all over the United States, and they may be one in your area. I have called the San Diego warm line a few times, and the people I talked to were very helpful.



You are getting stronger by resisting the urge to hurt yourself, which makes me happy. Over time, the urges will fade away completely. I still hope your cold gets better; it is no fun having a cold.



Just like you, I wish I could still enjoy the holidays like I did in the past. I used to love Christmas & get really excited about it when I was a kid, but as I got older, it was less fun, but I still enjoyed it as much as possible. When my mother died, I completely lost interest in the holidays & did not want to celebrate them any more at all. Recently, I have been watching old home movies that my Dad made of me, my brothers, and my mother at Christmas during my childhood. They sometimes make me feel a little bit better, but they also depress me because they remind me of my past, when I was happy.



Thanks again for the big dragon hugs. More big dragon hugs back. Once again, I am here for you, and we will get thru this together.

Thank you, everyone, for all the support and well wishes while I was in the hospital. I sincerely apologize for the late replies - I've had a lot to deal with since coming back home, and the cold I've been fighting has really been draining my energy recently, to the point that there were a few nights this week that I ended up falling asleep in my clothes, I was so tired. It was harder than I expected, going back and reading some of my posts from just before I went to the hospital. I can't remember much of the few days prior, and what I do think I remember, I can't tell if it's real or a dream. I guess that really shows what a number the Abilify was doing on me.

Hi Ms. Dragon,

I'm glad you're home again. Will you be driving, or flying, to Chicago?

Bundle up----it's Arctic Air City in many places. Single digits for a high in at least some parts of the Chicago area.

I hope you get that computer!