Rants

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I was really depressed this morning but drining coffee made me feel better. Mmmm, adverb is making hamburgers for lunch. I also just had some yummy chips and salsa.

Urgh...I really need to vent these days - I've been holding it in for so long, wondering in the back of my mind if I could be wrong, but I know what you're doing! And you know I know!

The one who is harassing me online (along with other people) and planted cameras in my house (or so they tell me online). I will find them the things to prove to my family that there are indeed creeps spying on us, and yes, that includes only my brother, sisters, mother and me. I mention mostly my brother because he's not even 17 (and she's old enough to be his mother) so it's really disgusting. It's beyond creepy.

I also want to tell my sisters that there are possibly creepy old men watching them in the shower...but they think I'm crazy so they just dismiss it, just like my mother.

I'm sure when I find a camera they'll all be puking in horror and utter disgust, sort of what I felt when I learned (through them online) that there are cameras in my house.

I really wish my mother believed me. I just don't have the energy anymore. For now I just feel really disgusted at those creeps.

The woman is nuts. She even hacked into my library account for pete's sake. What was that all about? And don't lie, I know it! Someone close to you told me (indirectly) in class. Check my library account (if it still exists) again for a book on scrutiny.

Honestly a few weeks ago I wondered if I was just imagining the whole thing, everybody kept telling me so...so I accepted taking a moderate dose of the antipsychotic meds my pdoc prescribed in hopes that it would all go away. It didn't. I know you're watching me, you know what I'm doing and you are harassing me online through cowardly cyberbullying. you're cowardly because you're faceless and rarely say it to my face, but you're talking to me all the time (you all know who you are).

Of course I would rather not have cameras in my house. I'd much rather they never existed. But the harassers constantly prove otherwise. So I know that I'm not nuts, I told my current pdoc that my dx is wrong but they all dismiss it. I researched the damn disease, twice already...and both times I came to the conclusion that I didn't have it.

So no matter what you may say, they're there and I will find them!

I feel like shaking my mother and saying "WAKE UP!"

I hate brown m&m's. I mean seriously, you look in the bag and see all of these bright colors, basking in all of their glory and then you take a closer look and find those brown ones just staring you in the face. It's really irritating!

On a more serious note, I hate how everyone's gotta be right all the time. Even when they realize they are wrong, some will go to great extents and use much belittling to ensure you the sky is purple, not blue. It takes a bigger person to admit when they're wrong or agree to disagree than to brush it off and still ramble on about how you're an idiot for believing that way. If you're right, you're right but going to great lengths to argue a stupid point on what little factual evidence you have to go on is just plain stupid. Get over your smug, arrogant self.

Arg, I have been partnered with some real idiots for physics class. they make fun of everyone and don't do any work. And quite, frankly they smell

I feel twitchy and jumpy inside, I feel depressed with the black holes only it doesn't get really really bad, and off and on, and off and on I feel like throwing up.

Why can't I get a girl or even one who'll be my actual friend and spend any time with me, I hate having to walk around the school and have no one call over to me and say hi or want to talk to me. I'm really getting more and more depressed I just want a girl to talk to, and one I thought might like me won't even look at me so I feel really crappy and stupid and unloved..

a month ago someone i know, an employer, wrong texted me...it says something like "make research work in a mental hospital", i instantly got paranoid and texted back pretending not knowing who he was and asked who he is. he nonchalantly replied that he was "this" not even mentioning the text. i felt he was attacking or making fun of me in some way because we never had a nice relationship, personally i don't like him coz he has this violent verbal tendencies with his children, i am so annoyed and hurt,my brain tells me there's nothing to it, i can't help but feel humiliated it's as if he was implying i am insane or stupid. what to do with these anger??

I still feel a bit twitchy and I sounded like I was yelling once when I wasn't and Jack thought I was upset with him.

Why am I so doubtful? Why can't I follow through with anything? Why am I so scared? Why am I so self-destructive? Why.....?

I used to kind of enjoy English. It wasn't my favorite class, but it was better than math. Until now.

NOBODY BUT ME EVER DOES THE f*****g HOMEWORK! It is so f*****g annoying that whenever the teachers ask if anybody has done it, I'm usually the only one who says yes, along with maybe a few other people on a good day. My roommate says that she doesn't even do the reading. I think that most of what we read is total s**t as well, but I at least do the reading so I have somewhat of a clue what's going on. And the main teacher is a total pushover and nobody ever seems to get in trouble for not doing the work.

I don't understand why my air conditioner can't keep my room at a comfortable temp. It either makes it too cold, or lets it get too hot in my room. I have to keep shutting it off when I start getting chilly because it won't turn off on it's own. I think the temperature gauge must be broken or something. Either that or it's trying to match the outside air temperature and not the inside temp.

F*CKING SOCIETY!! !! !! !! !! !

Why the f*ck must I suffer from this loneliness!? I was in a good mood until I started thinking about how society treats me for being "different." HOW F*CKING DARE THEY!? WHO THE F*CK ARE THEY TO TREAT ME AS A FREAK!? Because of them, I will never find love in my area!! No woman around here is willing to give me the time of day because I'm not this "macho cool" guy or this "tough" thug-wannabe!! I COULD KILL THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR SOCIETY'S STANDARDS!! !! !! !!

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

stupid overbearing people in my life.....I matter too, you know. I can't stand to hear another whine, complain or proclamation of any sort from any member of my family....it's too much.
and back off, leave me alone, stop picking on my choices just because yours don't work!
i almost hate all of you for real this time. if only...

I'm so pissed right now I have a feeling that a girl I know is keeping me from getting to know her friend. I may be wrong but I know she's gotten jealous before and I know she isn't available to me b/c she has a BF and they've been together for two years, how the heck am I supposed to do anything if the girls I know won't date me and won't let anyone else date me either.

my mind is cloudy for several days now coz of what my sister told me about her problem. i couldn't have done anything to help her why did she have to burden me with this. it will take a very long time again before i digest this thing and get it over with in my head. i'm so annoyed.

The nerve of some people when they add you to talk and when you make an assumption or ask change their font and color on AIM or MSN, they just flip out and turn into jerks. One person called a rude prick because of that and in return he is the same thing. I'm at least more thoughtful about my actions at times. Name calling and insults is quite unnecessary if you add them in the first place then called them rude prick when you engage the conversation in the first place. And blocking them proves nothing as well because there are better solution than that.