Rants

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Ive felt relly depressed since leaving graduate school. I felt very overwhelmed while there, but no more than normal, AFAIK. I got depressed, and didn't think about the future. I couldn't see a future that I wanted, but I didn't want to end my life.

However, I've made a choice not to want that. It cost me, and I paid in coping mechanisms.

Now, I have even more reasons to get depressed.

I need to find better ways of maintaining a positive mental attitude than the ones I've used lately.

I wish that my parents would stop getting upset at me whenever I act bad

By bad i mean being anxious, always asking the same question over and over again just to feel better, and being stressed. I don't know if I should even label this as bad, I was just taught that it was and annoying. I hate making others upset so it sorta triggers a endless cycle of anxiety.

Ja, selvfølgelig var det for godt tilå være sant! Jeg kunne jo ikke være så heldig, å herregud er'u gæern?? Hadde sett så fram til denne natta, så jeg burde jo visst at du ville ødelegge det for meg.

hva faen ellers er nytt

I think everything just got so much more stressful than it already was.
I don't even really know where to begin to describe it.

Is there more to be thrown at me? I need to catch a break and have no time for those childish little jokes. Please do them on your own. Being an immigrant is hard enough, and i have to adapt to a new workplace, a completely new living situation (again) and soon college. And i have accomplished this all by myself. Yes, the aspie has done all the paperwork, took all the tests, and went through this exhausting interview process.

And all of this in a second language!

So, after all of this i cannot even catch a break regarding my private life, because superficiality is a new motto to live by?

This is similar to the excrement of a an intact male cow...

it's my bday soon. i feel anxiety at the thought of people wishing me happy birthday at work/ on social media/ etc i hate the reminder that im just getting older without having achieved all the things i want to achieve and feel the weight of social expectations to thank everyone for their "kind reminder".

That is one of the main reasons i hate my own birthday! Good to see i am not the only one.

dance americano

im sure if we dig deeper we might find loads of birthday "bashing" on here
damn, im literally counting down the days - with anxiety - i'm gonna be at work that day and i envision disappointing all my bday eager colleagues with "tonight ill probs be watching game of thrones" / "i dont want to go out, dont make me" / "please stop talking to me"

WHY ISNT GAME OF THRONES MY REALITY. I AM KHALISI, MOTHER OF DRAGONS, THE BRUNETTE/ LESS GOOD LOOKING VERSION.

I hate having to clean the house in this hot weather and when i'm hungry af!

You know whats funny about this web site is its a great communication to the entire world of explaining our needs.

And you know whats funny about MKUltra-ing this whole mushroom cloud?

I have communicated some doozies over here. I am totally caught for several misdemeanors but whats even funnier is the gov just got caught with their hands in the MKUltra cookie jar. I mean seriously MKUltra like behavior in 2018? Can our people not conduct themselves in a more professional matter? Jesus, I am not entirely sure what I am witnessing down here but what the hell man? Didn’t the last generations of parents raise us with some common damn decency to not hurt others? I don’t even care what I am witnessing here, the whole affair looks pretty bleak.

But I am not going to shut up about it, no matter the cost because its morally right to change these things. If no one agrees then its all going to fall apart some day soon anyway. I want more then an apologize or fame or money, I want it to straight up not happen again, ever. You’d think these people must feel some kind of remorse or shred of moral decency. Like what freaking mind process do these people have? Motive is inconceivable at that point. I mean nuke it, nuke it, nuke it, dear God nuke it. Dear God we need to nuke that filth from the entire surface area of our country, kick em out the country hell.

You have normal me, you have an MKUltra'd patient in 2015 with no past memory, you have insane incoherent rambling zombie for a few years pumped up on various drugs, then you have normal me again... hm.... hmmmmm... hmmmmmmmmmm...

Yeah nuke it to hell baby

My f'king head today

I JUST WANA SCREAM AT SOMEBODY!! !!

so chlostrophobic. I feel like driving a big m'f'king nail right through it. I know that won't solve anything, but at least it'll be quiet!

I hate people who go"money can't solve your problems" at everything. Because yes, in many many cases it can.

In the middle of an anxiety attack, everything seems perfectly clear. I just don't know what moves me to keep repeating the same dumb mistakes. How do I not notice it before I do it?

lol me

people to me - "why are you so obsessed with money/ you can live on minimum wage"

me - "i can't save money on minimum wage. i can't get a house/ save for when im older and still have to work rather than pursue my hobbies. if i had a good job, i would save lots, then get house / pursue my hobbies".

it isn't rocket science -.-