Rants

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When your p.o.'d when in hindsight after explaining to a police officer how someone tried to rob you, one who looks like a jacka--- 'blue collar' wannabe teacher, one who's reply makes you disappointed and think of police officers as 'extended security guards', the reply 'well what do you want me to do about?": ">:( WRITE A REPORT JACKA---!! !", or something else that will give me the illusion of 'customer satisfaction' in the deluded world of social interactions whence one person acts like a jacka--- threatening to induce something like final changes/death to someone else and yo do your best to commit to inaction within a paramilitaristic line of work I am assuming you freely choose and which goodness knows I would prefer to think that you didn't choose for the 'air of clique-ishness" which excluded so many like myself into the unspoken cruelty/brutality of vulnerability b/c of 'workaday blue-collar men' like yourself continuing to do their maximal to not care, *deludely* continuing to do their maximal to not care.

To the idiot who races his car up and down our street:

There are children and animals on our block. If you hurt anyone, you're going to get it! This is not a drag racing strip!

I hate how when I look up what I have posted the url ends with "search.php?search_id=egosearch". I do it b/c it's more efficient or effective to look up things that way when I don't feel inclined to navigate/wind up being distracted on this website any further.

I hate how 'customer service' (next/ probably only second to school in terms of influence) can really carve a person's notion of what socialization means and how to socialize; the consistent 'means to an ends' attitude of transactional interaction has major and undeniable impacts on spreading consumeristic fixations on others including and not limited to thinking that others are 'boring' when they seem to banal in terms of what they do to 'emotion-ate'/excite a person; >: (
doing that s--- , being that way on a consistent basis is exhausting!.

It is toxic how often in 'blue-collar' or entry level like work rage is spread thin.

Profoundly which I wasn't as prone to h---niness and the hang of guilt which follows with embrace 'cheesecake-y' content---I sometimes think that I would be at no loss to one way or another be castrated; it's not really, it's never really like talent increase when you have one less internal distraction.

__

A city which is 'competitive when it comes to work' can be translated as 'anything which is more palatable is already taken by persons who were ecletically 'successful' as the gruelling (intellectual(?)) labour and/or filthy popularity contest which is the labour investment process/school.

I hate this f---g inferiority complex. If I ever have a 'trans-/post-friendship' relationship with a woman I would like it to be known that I am not craving for coitus on a regular basis as much as affection, physical affection of an authentic kind of preferably above the neckline on a regular basis. The 'between the legs' non-proximity I can gladly wait on b/c I know that I have to earn that..I wonder how gender politically correct that part was .

I mean to be on this forum more so, only so far as I haven't gotten around to another irl written journalling habit again

I actually don't like it when even out of a sort 'respectful affection' ppl call me 'brother'. We are not family in a 'spiritual' sense--I think most ppl don't practice enough that you would be fond to call them sibling somehow as a sign of community fondness. Nor would I imagine that you would like most of them to be eating from the same fridge as you.

I want to scream, but I CAN'T! Whenever I get angry, I turn into Mr. Hyde. My life is dominated by anxiety. I isolate myself to prevent sensory overload. I live i a house of 6 people, and they are all LOUD!! !!. I haven't had a good nights sleep in a year. I don't even want to sleep anymore because even my lucid dreams quickly turn into something out of the dark web. No matter what I do, I can't get the help I need. Me and my stupid family are dirt poor and always get taken advantage of. I've gone back into self harming. My dermatillomania came back, so now i have this painful bald spot on my head.

All I can do is bottle my emotions up, until something bad happens, and I get institutionalized again. I want to talk to my family, but they are hardly any help. I feel like a prisoner. I also feel like my mom is trying to keep me from leaving and being on my own. I need HELP NOW! before I do something REALLY bad! I don't want to be a monster! I need to get out of this house ASAP! I CAN FEEL MY MIND FALLING APART!! !! I don't know if it's a demon causing this or I'm already a monster, but I want to leave this house and NEVER come back! Never see my family again! EVER! I think my mom is every bit as bad as my father, who she got me away from in the first place. I feel like no one hears my cries! Feel like there's a thousand screaming souls in my head, and they want to be mercy killed!

Smart but mean

Intelligent but unfeeling

Responsible but insensitive

Could there be such a thing?.

Trying not to think that today has been spent wastefully.

Both parents are working, one I argued with yesterday, one 'had my back' in a kindly way and is now working with her health issues present, at least one sibling is out working perhaps..

..the shame of feeling like I'm a 'kept man'..during such a cold season I don't have to feel too bad for being indoors. I can expand on my interests and even then I will feel the shame of being discredited for not doing something 'adult and productive' even if it is as menial as working in a factory or warehouse.

I would rather not interact with people at all instead of harming-hurting them. I wish i never messaged that girl who must feel so satisfied with herself for helping an outcast. I would rather die than become their sympathy puppet that everyone hates. I'm not on this earth for you to feel sympathy and hatred. I'm on this earth to actually help the people who need me.

https://thetexasorator.com/2018/02/15/2 ... rt-jensen/

..maybe if I ever actually have a girlfriend/'post-' or 'meta-' friendship this might stick with me more. Maybe if I ever actually have a girlfriend/'post-' or 'meta-' friendship this might be more do-ably practiced by me.

"-____- Why is it that as soon as you mention something not fitting in an idea of dis-equality emerges?.

Why is it that as soon as you mention something not belonging an idea of dis-equality emerges?.

How many times do I have say that the 'working class attitude' can burn in a pit?.

When it comes to auditory faces/voices what is more important to me than the accent is the detection of reciprocation and temperment in the voice/ being able to discern that a person is not a snob or entitled a-- .

A possibility I am aware of, is how