Rants

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I think I failed someone who I was chatting with 'in real time' when I brought up how I think that a reason for why I decided to speak with them after a pornography lapse was b/c of how attractive their avatar was .

I really don't want my dad to know what city I live in cos it's in the same county he lives in and he's incapable of not having a meltdown every time we go out which means I'd have to show him my house and...
Generally he's a nice person to text but not a nice guy in person... Like he's a dangerous guy to be around and I get scared and I have genuine safety reasons for him not to know where I live.
Yes I know mum's really busy at the moment and I know it's my fault but her solution to all this isn't to send it from her job which is further away but to send it from the exact same town he lives in...
This is assuming she has any plans at all with my parcel and card for him. It's already late for Christmas. Same with my friend's card which I really ought to have posted separately.
I'm really starting to regret not sending it myself which was probably her plan all along.
She can't just say 'no'. That's her trouble. I asked 'would you mind' and she agreed to it...
This is just like how she always forgets anything I ever ask her. It's really passive aggressive. And my dad is actually aggressive which is the whole reason there's this issue in the first place...
I didn't choose to have him as a dad but she chose to 1 marry a bad boy and 2 keep him around for the rest of my life as a dad so I have to decide whether and how to ditch him now, after he was aggressive with her...

Is the right time to watch a French based version of the ‘This is America’ music video after seeing someone going through something and with the police around a Wal-Mart?.

“=_= There is almost always something better to do than taking care of the dog.

The cat is changing my sleeping habits.
My stepdad is one of those ridiculous types who thinks animals are more important than humans and that cats who want to be in someone's bedroom at night deserve to be.
He also believes humans have to wake in the morning. Which I'd agree with if I hadn't been woken up all night long.
I feel guilty cos today I woke at half past eleven and didn't get any work done.
But I finally got to sleep at 4am.
Thank god I don't have a baby irl cos I couldn't cope.

Hatred of repetition and self-acceptance.

how to get better at accepting change?

I wish my dad would quit smoking.
I wish he was someone I felt loved by and could respect easily.

I am glad I'm leaving soon.
It's just a shame I have to feel like that though because when I'm here, even though mom and I did what we mostly could to keep smoke in his room and blowing out of his room with a fan I think it still seeps out some.

This is the only place that I feel is stuffy, and at times like I'm walking into a room that has a microwave slightly burning popcorn.

I really hope my apartment comes in as soon as it can.
I'll be leaving.

It's just a shame that dad won't quit.

Must remind self time and time again that people don't have to fricking know, for they could never understand.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

The combinations of extreme aggression and indeterminacy might be my mind's way of trying to say I don't care.

Page 33/Chapter 4 of 'The warrior within' by John R. Little might have to wait.

I kid you not, the 'darkest' part of me which I have told myself something to the effect of 'tap into only for warfare' were tapped into to survive at a call centre last year.

'What you are hiding from yourself', means 'self-deception',no?.

caThar4G,

For the sake of his health, and that of the people around him, I hope he does quit before it's too late.

Hugs coming your way from IstominFan and the kitties.

My stepdad doesn't ever understand anything.
For eg, yesterday. I have glasses which can't see iPhone screens. I go to get a magazine. I say loudly 'I'm going to get a magazine so I have reading material while you're in the shop'. I go and get it. Him 'do you want my iPhone'...
Earlier that same day 'I forgot my phone. Do you mind staying in the shop with me?'. Him 'no I don't'. Wanders out of the shop...
Today (he likes football too), I ask before the game 'can I borrow your iPad. First he says yes. Then I can't find it. I text that before the match. He texts back when the scum score. 'Do you want my iPad'... Obviously I don't want it now.

This is every time. He also doesn't get that if I have a conversation in front of him, I want him to listen to it.

People randomly saying i'm nice and inviting me to their chats only to dump me when they see what i'm really like. f**k off with your unrealistic expectations and playing with an already vulnerable person.