Tim_Tex wrote:
I am going through a rough time now, because I don't know where I am going.
I have an idea of what I want my life to be like, and I am worried that if it can never be like that, it can't be enjoyable.
I have envisioned my life as being:
In a city I can enjoy, with many hike and bike trails, and plenty of places to do and see. I even planned it to many specifics, such as the car I want, and even where I plan to buy my furniture.
As for relationships, all I want is a female Christian Aspie who likes to be outdoors and travel, and where our life outside of work would involve going out to eat at good restaurants (even if it's just a chain restaurant), going to the movies (mainstream or indie/foreign), or just cuddling on the couch at home watching Comedy Central or Adult Swim or IFC or Sundance. I want one who doesn't drink or smoke or use drugs, and I like soft music (indie pop, smooth jazz, etc.). As for sex, I don't think I can save myself until marriage, or limit it to procreational purposes (which, unfortunately, would conflict with her having to be a Christian). I also prefer people who have college degrees, because they are more likely to like the atmospheres I like (it's not a money thing). One who isn't needy or desperate for attention. By this I mean someone who won't interpret my not being on IM at a certain time of the day every day as a sign of disinterest, for example (because I can't plan my priorities around someone else's IM schedule--this is why I prefer telephone).
In other words, someone who likes hanging out in places with cultured, ambient atmospheres, but isn't too old-fashioned. Yet it seems like those with the same interests are either into the whole hippie or punk rock lifestyle, and that just isn't me. I have tried sacrificing some of these things, but if I pretended to be someone else to attract someone, I would only end up resenting that person later on.
In other words, Artsy meets Yuppie.
But I am worried that I am shooting for something I can never have, yet it's the only type of life I am comfortable with.
Please don't turn into me. I used to shoot so high for things in life and slowly watched as I gave up on each. I have on thing left I'm shooting high on, and if I give up on it, well, heck, what else do I have left. Luckily, it's something that will take a long time (I'm a programmer, and an activist, and have high goals involving both), so it will take a long time until I figure out if I fail (and hurt 10x as hard when I do). As you can see though, since I aimed high when I know I shouldn't have, I'm now facing the consequences. Hope for good things, and try to get it, but never, NEVER, expect good things to happen. Biggest mistake you'll make in your life.
10 Nov 2009, 11:01 pm
