A Lot Has Happened Recently

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I hope you don't get banned. You're my favourite WrongPlanet curmudgeon.

Really need to interject something else.....for those people who have snubbed F., why can't they learn to be kind and accepting?? It seems the dilemma has fallen squrely upon F.'s shoulders. Perhaps those haters need to learn a lesson of respect rather than being such social zealots.

If only I were such a chick magnet........

Diplomacy is inherently fake, as it involves saying things like "Now let's discuss this like adults" while suppressing the urge to beat the snot out of the person you're talking to.

Sometimes, in life, one has to be diplomatic.

Sometimes, it makes the other person feel better, thereby encouraging the person to treat others better next time.

Sometimes, it gets a recalcitrant person to reconsider his/her recalcitrance.

I'd say there is a time and place for diplomacy. For example, people are generally more honest with people they know well, because they care more and there is less chance of misunderstanding.

There is a huge difference between a community you've chosen yourself and a group you've been thrown into due to random stuff like where you live. I used to be very upright and honest. Having kids forced me to learn to play dirty, to the extent that I can. There is nothing quite like mommy groups to bring out the survival instinct.

I don't understand why choosing to use non provocative words in complicated social situations is fake. Yeah it takes longer, but there are less interpersonal problems to solve afterwards.

The person removes the emotions (frustration) they want to communicate from the message, there is nothing fake about that; unless their emotions are more significant than the content of the message.

In that instance a person can still be honest, state their emotional frustration and deal with the content of the message as a separate issue.

Diplomacy is not inherently fake; it's inherently NECESSSARY sometimes.

In person, do you ever ask people if they have an advanced degree in subject X when they make a comment about subject X?

I don't know much about you, personally. I never got myself in a 'deep' argument because I lack of opinion about everything. But I want to know something specifically:

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Well, Fnord, you seem to want honesty, and though it's against the normal rules of the Haven, I'm going to give it to you.

If I had to sum up your posting style in one word, that word would be 'abrasive', as in rough and likely to damage what it rubs against. You often come off as judgmental, especially of people who fail to meet your own standards, and heap scorn upon anyone who disagrees with your strongly held opinions on topics as diverse as drug and alcohol use, the proper treatment of pedophiles, or the difficulties of pulling oneself out of a life on the streets. On that last one, I really think the problem is that you overvalue your own experience, failing to recognizing that your own extraordinary drive is not normal, and that cutting slack to people who lack it is more charitable than "if I could do it so can you, you're just lazy" or some such permutation. Further, you can come across as both thin skinned and vindictive, publicly reporting any vaguely unflattering thing said of you while freely lobbing implied insults, and repeating anecdotes about people you've sued, had fired, arrested, or otherwise sent the authorities after due to some usually petty personal conflict. Paired with your heavy presence in the mod thread, numerous calls for thread locks of topics you don't approve of, and self appointed roll in preventing surveys not approved my Alex (who will never be around to approve one), this suggests a certain frustrated authority personality, like someone who flunked out of the police academy and had to settle for prison guard, though thankfully this prison doesn't seem to be hiring. Finally, you make a lot of what I'd term unhelpful posts, the kind where someone has started a thread and you drop in a post telling them who little you care about whatever the topic is, or how if they cared so much they'd be out doing something rather than talking, or otherwise posting in a way that the thread would have been better for everyone had you not. That last one is probably what got you the mod letter, it's super annoying an looks a lot like trolling on occasion.

Getting a clearer picture now? This isn't just about bluntness or telling people things they don't want to hear, there's a whole lot more going on, and I've been around long enough to see most of it. Kudos to you if you're really serious about working on yourself, I had to go through it in my teens when I was forced to confront the fact that it was my fault that no one wanted to be around me, and I can tell you from experience that it's hard and painful, but worth it in the end. Good luck.

I don't think Fnord really does want honesty. He's dismissing it already in here and likening himself as the adult and anyone who disagrees as a child, or a hypocrite. I'm glad someone else had the guts to say what they thought, though. I posted because I genuinely believed that Fnord was taking a good look at himself, but now I'm pretty disappointed.

I don't think you need be so harsh on yourself Fnord if you just accepted that there's no such thing as a good person, and being right above everyone else doesn't make you look superior, there is no need for it. By looking superior and just, it just makes everyone else defensive because it looks like you're out to make them look stupid. And as you're familiar with, looking stupid or wrong makes one very defensive.

I think you are a valuable member of WP. My opinion is that your posts have become much less abrasive and much more constructive over time.

Is it too late to comment on the original post? I suggest letting your wife know that you were uncomfortable at the party and that you would really appreciate her help in that kind of situation.