Found out Wife is Having an Affair

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Below is what I get for spying. Below is the type of email I hoped not to see but I'm glad I'm seeing it now. Remember I asked how can a couple who is having a sexual and emotional 20 month relationship just break it off. Kim is not the real name of my wife's boyfriend. I truly need your honest opinion about the below email my wife sent him today. See the email below.


I got Kim's e-mails. Tell her thank you, I think. I didn't take things like Dave did, exactly, but she did comment on something that happened last August... touching, or something. I will forward the e-mails to you, what she sent me... I can't get them to be open while writing to you, or I would highlight what I mean...I am surprised about a few things... First, Kim says that you and she tell each other "everything"... don't know what that means, and how she would know what was going on last August...
I just don't know... I don't think like Dave did, but I guess a few things surprise me... for one thing, the "XXX" e-mail to Dave... a stranger to her... I am different than Kim... if she is thta sexual, how could your relationship be the way you have said it is for the last 20 months.... I don't know... just have to think about things for a while.... I am not stopping contact with you... I will e-mail when I can... I will try to stop or limit greatly the phone calls for a while, because, I think I can get by with a short period of time, a few short calls, saying that I just wanted to check on you, but no lengthy calls... and I have trouble getting a long-distance line at work...
I keep thinking about us... the us I remember... the you I remember... the gentleness and the tenderness towards me... the caring and the sharing... at does that mean you are different, being married to someone so different than me...the connection...
I am not any different than I was the last time you talked to me... you won't find anything out that I am different... I think I have been pretty transparent for a while... like you have said, you could see I loved you without me opening my mouth. I want to believe the same about you...
I look forward to hearing from you...
I still love you,

hm, you need to split up obviously.

I wonder what it is about your marriage that she wants to stay if she's writing crap like that to another guy? Do you make a lot of money? pamper her? Geez!

"Transparent" with the "other" guy, but not with her own husband?! Sorry, but like we've said, she's a liar and she's hooked. She might as well be shooting heroin.

Let's see - Reasons she would want to stay:

I make three times as much money as the other guy (not rich but do okay. I have excellent credit and I'm good at investing watching our funds)

My step-daughter is is college and has 1 1/2 years left. It costs money.

The boyfriend has two boys I think 8 and 14. He would get hammered with child support if they got together. I gurantee she does not want to go through that again (like with my daughter and my ex-wife)

We just moved into a new house (4250 sq ft last summer - we might lose are butts if we sell it right now because of divorce)

To avoid embarassment especially if her daughter (who I've know since age seven) now 20 if she found out. Embarassment if her parents found it. Embarassment if my Mother found out.

Embarassment from both our friends.

Dave

I worked from home today. Before my wife went to work she typed up the below email to me, the boyfriend and his wife apologizing to his wife and me about the affair. Below is the email she She told me this is an end all letter. I do not read it that way though. What do you all think? In my opinion if she sends out one more secretive letter stating that she plans on keeping in contact and telling him she loves that will be the last straw for me. I will be done with her for good. I think I have more than enough justisification to end this now.

All,
We are acting like 7th graders passing notes back and forth in gym class. Please lets stop, and start acting like adults. I just have a few things to say, and I would appreciate you all taking the time to read this.
First, although I realize that Kevin and I are the guilty parties here, and although we never intended to hurt anyone, in reality, we have. However, we are all 4 in troubled marriages, or we would not be in this position at this time. We all have that in common. And, in my opinion, the only innocent victims in this situation, are our 3 children. And, again, in my opinion, we just need to move forward from here.
Next, there are no "A Holes" in this situation.... only hurt people lashing out. Lets put an end to all this, so, if it is possible, healing can begin. Let's stop e-mailing individuals, and if there are questions, or things to be said, let's say it to all of us. Kevin and Kim have apparently shared everything between them, and Dave and I have done the same, which is how it should have been all along. I know that sounds stupid at this juncture of the situation, but most everything I say these days sounds really stupid.
Finally, to Kim and Dave, I want to say I'm so very sorry. I know that one word can't begin to express the hurt feelings that I have caused, but, I want you both to know, that my intention was never to hurt either of you. But, I know that I have put my percieved wants and needs above what is right, and that is SOOO very wrong. I am truly sorry for that.
And, then, if I could just share one more thing. My friend Lisa had some, what I consider, wise things to say. She said "unhappy people do stupid things." I think we are all 4 in that category, and although Kevin and I get the most points for bad behavior, we all have a part in this.
Again, I am so very sorry to each of you.

hmmm...sounds very unrealistic to me
but that's just me

So your wife is dependent on you financially.

What's in it for you?

The bit in the e-mail about 'the only innocent victims are the children' - what a heap of cr*p!

Sounds like she is trying to make you feel guilty and share the blame!

Again, keeping the marriage intact - what's in it for you?

And to think I was going to start e-mailing her! That won't be happening!

What she has done is just wrong.

My husband and I had marital difficulties but I did not resort to an affair.

I went to a marriage counsellor. I read about having a relationship with a person with Asperger's.

I had lots of talks with my husband.

I altered my expectations. I made changes. My husband made changes. We met halfway.

And now we are truly happy.

There was none of the rubbish that your wife has done!

Whatever happens, you have friends on WP who will support you 100%

Smelena / Helen

this woman is taking advantage of you and either she thinks that your an idiot or she is a sociopath. that email stinks. i would not trust that woman to wash my socks

My wife and I and my step-daughter went out to dinner tonight. Ever since I found out about the affair she's been kissing my ass and has been nice as pie. She even begged for me to stay with her saying she want's to work it out. She stated that she's just called him once and there has been no emails sent by him and no emails sent by my wife to him. So far she's received 4 emails from him. She's sent him two responses (read 3 posts ago) and the below email she sent when we got home from the response in response to an email he sent. I have my confirmation now. I'm so devastated now and I'm hurting really bad. Even those who don't pray please pray that I make the right decision and that I have peace with the decision that I have to make. Thank you all. Dave

I am thinking about you... My feelings haven't changed, and I will contact you when I can. And, you signed your e-mail wrong, I know you meant, "Hugs and Kisses, Love, Kevin"... consider this your script...
Hugs and Kisses,
Love,
Kathy

I will say a prayer for you
what are you going to do

erm...dave you need to come back and say what your thinking.

Just wanted to say im sorry to hear that, i know how that feels, just remember shes in the wrong not you, just take time to really think if you want to stay or go, its your life and we only get one shot, so be sure, take care love lefthand xxx

Thanks Lefthand New update. The boyfriend sent my wife two emails early this morning. One talked about general stuff. The other had a statement in in basically saying,
"Remember the question when you (my wife) asked me that if you left Dave would I leave my wife"? He stated that he wants to but has to think about and will contact her letter. Now was this question asked by wife a long time or go or just recently I don't know.

I had a long talk with my wife again this morning and said that I'm adamant that she/he stop all contact between each other. She stated once again that she is the only one who has made contact my calling him 4 days ago "Once". She stated once again he has not contacted her by phone, email, etc. I know of at least 6 emails that he sent her. She asked me what I wanted from her. I told her that I want her to contact him one final time by email to inform that it's over and not to make contact and she will not contact him. I told her why I wanted her to do this giving "One" last chance to save herself. She sent him the email and copied me on the email. I expect her to sneak off and either call him and basically state that the email to him is a farce and she did it to satisfy me or for her to send him another secretive email saying the same thing. I'm waiting for that communication to put the final nail in our relationship.

Dave

Hi well i hope it works out the way you want it to, and dont be taken 4 a ride, cause lifes hard enough with out other people adding to it, i will be thinking of you, let us know how it goes, take care of your self love Lefthand xxx

I wouldn't have given her that last chance. I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine what it must be like.