Seems the hating on lonely single men is coming back

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I think that there is a lot of wisdom spoken here regarding why sly is being ignored and possible remedies. Only suggestion I would have is, sly are you in counseling and maybe looked at medical professional look at your depression and anxiety? I hear a lot of the same things that I thought when I was a single bloke. Meds have helped curtail a lot of the negative self talk that would go through my mind. Though is not the end all be all.
Someone mentioned about ignoring someone is their strategy when someone approaches them they dont know. Police will tell children to not talk to strangers due to safety reason, as an adult it is not really applicable. I know having a stranger talking to you can be awkward and uncomfortable, for me, but they are not doing anything wrong. Maybe the guy is bored and just converse? Ignoring people is rude and it makes them feel "less than", maybe that is not your intent but is how it can be conceived.

This.

I've been sad/disappointed etc when others haven't loved me, but never Mad as if they're supposed to love me & I'm entitled to their affection. I accept that no one has loved me in return that way & thus I've never had a partner. Such is life. But I'm not Mad at those I've been attracted to for not having the same feelings towards me.

Why would anyone feel mad that someone didn't love them unless they felt entitled to that person loving them? Now maybe sad/disappointed I could understand, but mad? That's not a healthy emotion to feel because someone doesn't love you. Like XFilesGeek points out, it's pretty much entitlement in a nutshell - and no one is entitled to someone else loving them. We can't control others' attractions or feelings for us. They simply are what they are (or aren't) and all we can do is accept and react to them. A common reaction might be sadness, but anger? That's an inappropriate reaction to someone not loving you.

^^
I often express hurt and pain as anger. Often I feel rejected I am hurt and feel unworthy, in other words my internal value comes from someone's external response to me, regardless of what is going on with them.
Far of entitlement, for me it is quite the opposite.

Maybe sly is simply using the incorrect adjectives to describe his emotions and that’s why we think he feels entitled to others loving him?

Perhaps he feels hurt & unloveable vs angry at people for not loving him and his choice of words has resulted in others accusing him of feeling entitled to a woman’s love?

If he’s genuinely angry that some female doesn’t love him, then that could only really be because he feels that they ought to and are supposed to as if he’s entitled and owed that affection for some reason. That sort of thinking is not okay and is what results in some extremists possibly becoming radicalized self labeled “incels,” and that’s why XFilesGeek pointed out those things in order to nip that thought process in the bud before it grows into something worse. Disappointment, hurt, sadness, loneliness.. these are all normal emotions to feel when someone doesn’t love you back, but to be angry at them? That implies that loving you is something that person was supposed to do but didn’t and that’s not okay.

Also, come to think of it, in sly’s defence, there’s a big difference between being angry that you’re unloved and being angry at someone for not loving you.

Maybe that’s what we’re missing. Maybe sly is just angry that he doesn’t have a woman’s love vs. being angry at women for not loving him.

There is a difference and the former is not entitlement at all, just anger and frustration.

I don’t think Sly said that he was angry that someone didn’t love him. It was other posters who were discussing why men get angry at a woman if she doesn’t want to talk to him and why men feel entitled to responses when they speak to women.

I didn't notice the forum when I posted. In the spirit of The Haven, may I suggest the value of withholding judgment? I have worked on this a lot lately. Take something as basic as pain, and relax, breathe, and explore the sensation without judgment. I find that the further back i can withhold judgment, the less troubled I feel regarding the sensation.

At the most basic level, reality consists of stimuli. We autistic people have a special relationship with stimuli, so your mileage may vary. However, all people have stimuli, and go through a process of assigning meaning to them.

I have found it useful to withhold that process of assigning meaning or value to stimuli. Sometimes, I figure out another interpretation, often a better interpretation. Other times something which seemed overwhelming changes in an important way, becoming interesting or even fascinating.

Interesting sensations naturally lead to multifaceted inspection, and deeper understanding. The same applies to people, and their behavior. When I find something interesting in a person, and withhold judgment, I get better results.

It does suck how there aren't really programs for men, just women mostly. "Equality" my butt....

Anyway, no not everyone thinks you're horrible, I have no reason to dislike you. There are probably people you know who like you, or someday there may be. Just don't give up.

Sorry you're going through trouble right now, just keep going through them and I hope they'll get better for you.

@ Sly: I've always liked you. Maybe you got swept up in the men-as-haters goings on these days, but I don't think you belong with those. I think of you as somebody who has had a kind word for me. Nobody bats 100% - put mean people away from you. You deserve better.

I will tell you why....do you want to know why?

Because only harassers /gangsty guys would talk to women in public (for romantic/sexual purpose) - to strangers.

The rest of us minds their own business; unless there's a genuine reason like if you unawarely dropped an object therefore we would pointing it out - out of pure niceness, something that we would do to men or even grandmas too.

Otherwise, we don't talk to you.

Even if you find one of us super attractive and want him badly, and dying for him to approach you and talk to you - if he's like me, like if he doesn't know your name, then he will never talk to you, not in a million year.

Literally, it's something we never do in our entire life.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 May 2018, 6:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

I talk to strange woman all the time

Uh, WTF?

This is not true. Men talk to women all the time in public.

The whole "stranger danger," thing is taught to children to protect children.

Once people grow up, if they speak to one another in public, it's generally considered polite to respond and if you don't it's generally considered rude and it's no wonder men would be like "What's your problem? Must be from the wrong planet, or something.. all I said was Hi, how are you? Jeezzz.."

It's EXTREMELY common that people speak to one another in public, whether idle chit chat conversation or some guy hitting on some woman. Just like males asking females out on dates, it's more common for men to speak to women than the other way around, and it's not only harassers or gangsty guys unless perhaps we're talking about some ultra religious region of the world where men and women sit separately to eat and pray.

It's considered wrong for at least the last 15 years , you and kraftie should update your social etiquette already.

Stop doing it.

No

I'm having a INSOCNAIV tattoo done ( Involuntary Socially Naive )

No, it isn't, unless you're referring to some backwards Sharia Law or something.

There is nothing wrong with men initiating conversation with women in public, or anywhere. People do it countless times a day. I observe it. I do it. It's normal.

The only thing to not do is be a jerk, or be rude to someone who clearly isn't interested in conversation of any kind at all because they're busy doing something else etc. But saying hello to a stranger and striking up a conversation is not considered wrong whatsoever.

uh....WTF?

I am not talking about bars gatherings where people may be introduced to friends of friends.

No, it's not common at all; when I say in public ....i mean public places like the streets, buses, metros, malls; no guys I know would ask out strangers like that in the street out of blue. I've heard these things weren't uncommon in the 40-50s; but we are in 2018 now for god's sake.

I've been observing guys the other day on treadmills and machine in the gym, seriously.... no guy at all is attempting to speak to the girls on the next machines; zero.

Personally the only girls I talk to there are those I knew for years.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 May 2018, 6:48 am, edited 1 time in total.