Panic attacks.

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~ yeah.

I'm fortunate enough that a few people who do know me also know about that. It doesn't make decisions about it easier for any of us though, we're just somewhat more informed than others. I definitely owe them a more patient me, but that's still contingent on not totally disappearing.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

thats why u STILL dont join redshift?) (sorry for raising it all the time. but im very perpexed, u consent to join, and then u dont do that xD)

SO to the gist of ur post. u see, "not bothering" ppl is a strong instinct. or well dunno why. we try to hide it. like u said. pretend it doesnt happen. and that is WRONG! thats what friends are for. to help u with it. and its not what i say, its what my friends told me when they found the f**k out. they bear with it. they are being honest when its hard on them, too. so that i dont get paranoid and start hiding again. i still do get paranoid. and hide it from most ppl outside inner circle. i do lash out at ppl for triggers. as in, if u want to communicate with me u will NOT use (certain words) for example. no f***s given waht u feel about it. i am very literal that i should not be contacted directly unless i gave such a permission (as in, personal messages in games). i dont let them know how f****d i am, naturally. but not because "not bother" them, more like to well, not give them weapons against me. because explaining it all is pain of its own. etc. personal stuff, ya. here i am well, sharing the fact but not specifics. my friends however know both what to avoid in detail, and even why, in some cases. crazy? well i am tired, like f*****g hell, to pretend normal. it nearly killed me. literally. please dont go down that lane...

please forgive me. but maybe its not to drama, just well some habitual joke a person is making? allowing that, is one of ways of gratification... i mean, i understand why it can sting, and i also had not heard it, and can have no idea exactly how packed it is... but maybe just maybe well... some ppl do have a tendency to express acceptance in unusual forms...

There's a cat photo link in this thread from a free image host that's jumped up in my anti-malware scanner, mods please delete the cat.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

isabella, this sounds like that person is not ur friend, is not understanding u, and does not want to. tho, i do receive such behaviour, and they rationalize it with "we need u to get up, get going and know u can". as in make me spend energy i dont have so that i "knew i could". (skipping all the bitching about why i hate that, btcause u just dont need explanations xD). been like that my entire life, ya. its not an excuse. its outright abuse.
cberg, invisible viral cats attack? (i assume it was just deleted before i arrived)

serpentari
When we chat online she says she understands, but she clearly doesn't. Any time that I don't have the energy or stamina to see her she gets very sarcastic.

I despise talking on the telephone and would rather never use one, but she is sarcastic about that too. She said I should have to accommodate her preference for phone calls, instead of her accommodating my desire to chat online via Facebook and text.

She doesn't have panic attacks, depression, insomnia, social phobia, agoraphobia, mutism or autism like I do but she still expects me to keep up with her pace and adapt. She likes to plan our visits far in advance but then I nearly always cancel. She's an overachiever NT and I certainly can't keep up. She says she has PTSD but it clearly doesn't present like mine, because she is always energised.

Do I say "I don't want to be your friend any more?" or just fade away? I'm not interested in drama or any more sarcasm from her, either way.

sounds just like my mother. i have been going thru this my entire life. they can say whatever but they dont and dont want to understand. i'd say wait till another instance of "adapt to me" and brush off. violently. thats what i did when it just got too much (after 30 years enduring that, mind u). they LOVE talking about their feelings but never listen or read when u tell them about urs. and there will be more of that before she leaves u alone. fading away on ANYBODY feels wrong to me. but thats just me. i allways make myself very clear on my stance and intention to whoever i am in contact with. very often they dont bother listening. but my consciousness is clean on that part xd

Is it insensitive to ask people what they have PTSD for? I feel like thats a big no no.

No offense to anyone! But I feel like (from my position as a college kid surrounded by immature young adults) PTSD and panic attacks are starting to be used like OCD and ADHD in conversation. Ya know, "Sorry Im being so OCD right now" or "Sit still will you dont be so ADHD" etc etc. People use all sorts of those things in casual conversation and Ive definitely heard things like "It like gave me PTSD" or "I practically had a panic attack!" several times before.
Technically you can now officially be diagnosed with PTSD after only HEARING a traumatic story. I seriously dont want to offend anyone who has it.....but that seems silly. I mean, I feel like the ease at which you can be slapped with that label takes away from the people who actually DID suffer something seriously traumatizing.
And there are certainly times when people have suffered a "traumatizing event" (depending on how you define that) and are simply shaken for a period but DONT actually have PTSD. (I mean come on, most people can probably tell you some terrible tale from their past about some traumatic thing that happened and they're perfectly fine now. I know I could)

Well anybody can act like they're ok.

It's more like I prefer not troubling you with the details because that wouldn't ordinarily help anyone. It's not really a big deal where I'm concerned because everyone's inquisitive.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

graceksjp,
I have to be honest and say that your comment upset and offended me. I felt that you were trivialising the trauma that many people have legitimately endured and comparing it to a modern and over-exaggerated fad. I had to read your post several times to calm myself down from what might have become an ugly response. I feel better now and I realise you were asking a legitimate question. Sorry for almost losing my mind.

I don't know if you are asking whether it's polite to ask us (on the thread) why we have PTSD or whether it's polite to ask people in your general acquaintance.

Here is a link to some info on Complex PTSD which is a result of prolonged exposure to terrifying, debilitating and humiliating treatment at the hands of a person with total power. You can google for other links if you'd like. This was the first article I found. I didn't want to search for more because it gives me flashbacks just to read the information.

My own PTSD is from seven years in captivity with someone later identified and incarcerated as being a psychopath. I prefer not to detail what happened during that time, save to say I was a victim of psychosexual abuse, identity theft, manipulation, extortion and attempted murder. I have been in recovery for almost ten years and I still require near daily intervention by medication or therapy. I also have a service dog for PTSD.

CPTSD

You'll notice that CPTSD is almost invariably incurable and it affects all aspects of the person's self-identity. Having ASD in addition to CPTSD, followed by a stroke, has left me very traumatised and having difficulty trusting people. That's why I flipped when I first read your message.

I know you are very bright and compassionate and that you meant no harm, so I hope the article helps.

I can't speak for the others on this thread, but I wanted to speak for myself to negate any false stereotypes about true incidences of CPTSD.

Is

Im really sorry to hear that. And Im even more sorry that my post upset you.
But um, you're kinda the point I guess? Like, you actually had something terrible happen to you, and its serious and requires seriousness in response. But there's also people walking around saying they have PTSD (and have even been diagnosed as such!) just because they heard a scary story. I feel like that allows people to think of PTSD in a much lighter way than they should! People are starting to be able to just write it off as something simple and harmless (the way people have already written off things like OCD- which is so much more than being clean and organized!) Its like we live in a world where society is overly sensitive to every annoying little thing, but at the same time entirely INsensitive to the big things that matter.

I guess my point was I really dont like how easy it is to use words such as "PTSD" and "Panic Attack" in casual conversation. Its hard to tell if the person saying it really means it. And since its socially unacceptable to ask them, Im left wondering how I should treat the person. (Do you sympathize or were they just joking?)
Honestly its not just PTSD. I feel like the 'benefits' (whether they be actual benefits or just attention and sympathy from others) that people get these days by loudly expressing their multitude of issues to the world greatly takes away from the people who actually need the help and support. Its typically the people who DONT say anything that actually require the most help. (I mean do you know how many people have 'emotional support animals' these days just so they can take their pets with them places?? My friend brought her freakin guinea pig to college!)

I'll be honest, I dont understand all the complexities and things. But Im taking a third level psych class right now and I have a tendency to think of a million questions for every one fact that people tell me. (Im currently in Intro to Abnormal Behavior- its highly ironic!) Its crazy to think this is how we're teaching people about certain disorders! The people in my class say things that are frankly, kinda insulting. None of them-not even the teacher I dont think-are able to grasp the severity of certain things. (I mean, my teacher made a joke the other day about how we cant complain about 'hard lives' cause "the slaves had it hard. None of yall kids can say yall got no ptsd until you a slave". And the whole class laughed and one person called out "triggered" and got everyone laughing harder. And thats another thing! The word "triggered" has essentially become a slang term for teens!) And if people arent thinking about it lightly or as a punchline, than they are disgusted by it and thinks its super weird and revolting.
I just wish there was a way I could tell if people were genuine or not. I cant exactly expect people to give me their life story, but if a classmate tells me they "had a huge panic attack last night", my first thought is always "but did you really".
(unfortunately all the questions Id want to ask a person are highly inappropriate to ask someone you arent close to. <sigh>)

Sorry for the long post folks. It got a bit too rant-y didnt it? Im not very good at expressing myself. I tend to just word-vomit and make myself even more confused.

@IsabellaLinton, you never have to apologize for feeling offended or upset with me. Just let me know so I can fix it if possible. Its totally understandable for you to feel that way, and I respect you no matter what
My sincerest apologies for making you upset. I wrote three paragraphs and I still dont even know what I was trying to say

Thank you, Grace.
I understand what you are trying to say, and yes I've felt the same way. You can only imagine how I feel when people use the terms PTSD / Agoraphobia / Panic inappropriately in my company. Not only do I feel trivialised, but I feel the same degree of rage that you do about lax understanding of true trauma. PTSD is often an invisible disability, and it is easily misjudged or misunderstood just like ASD. I'm sure you've faced discrimination by people who don't see or believe the magnitude of your ASD, and that you can understand how tough it is for me to have both ASD and CPTSD.

One thing I can point out is that C-PTSD (Complex PTSD or Complex Trauma) is different from 'regular' PTSD. Complex means that the trauma was interpersonal and ongoing for a long period of time without any chance of rescue. Captivity, kidnap and sex trades are common. Regular PTSD (for lack of a better term) can mean the person experienced a one-time traumatic event which may not have been interpersonal (e.g., an earthquake, a serious car crash, a crime). To be truly assessed with either you need ongoing intervention, testing and assessment from a Psychologist or Psychiatrist who specialises in the disorder, much like ASD is diagnosed by PhD Neuropsychologists specialising in Neurodiversity. I'm sure not all the people who chirp "I have PTSD!" meet the criteria but you're right, it's hard to know without prying and again it's hard because they may not want to talk about their experience.

In my case I was inpatient for trauma care for several weeks after the ordeal. I was treated for physical injuries as well as shock and psychological damage. I still take meds to prevent nightmares. Certainly not everyone has the experience that I did, but I agree that your experiences at school sound patronising, ignorant and misinformed. If I were there I would certainly bring this professor's comments to the attention of his / her faculty.

Thanks for clarifying. All is good.
Is

Im sorry you have to feel that way. Society sucks sometimes, doesnt it?
Thank you for being so nice about it! Even if you were mad at me!
And thanks for the info on C-PTSD. I hadnt heard much about it and I enjoyed the article. I think psychological trauma is something a lot of people look over. Its not nearly as obvious as physical trauma but that doesnt mean it should be taken lightly. I hope that more people can learn about it so they can better help and understand amazing people like you!

Im sending you something adorable because everything you just said sounded super sad and I dont know what else to do







(Not sure if you're a cat or dog person so I threw in a duck just in case )

Bonus cause Im a rat lover:

Ummmm... you do know I'm a duck person, right? That was awesome. Thank you! I have two cats in addition to my support dog, and I always have aquaria going as well. I'd have a service duck if I could! I wear a duck necklace every day of my life! Thanks again, Grace!

Considering your lecture class was about Abnormal Psych., it seems the professor has some learning to do. I bet they aren't knowledgeable about autism, either. The time when someone called "Trigger!" should have been an optimal teaching moment, and I'm shocked they let trauma become a class joke. For shame.

I'm off to bed so chin up -- you did nothing wrong. I misread your first post because I panicked. That's what .. "panic" .. is all about.

Hugs
Is