I've been suicidal

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I think you are amazing. Just stupendously amazing.

And I think MartineRomy is wise.

By golly strong women are fantastic.

Flashbacks are terrible. You build a sense of safety and it gets taken away.

It's not linear and you may have to get in lots of practice at putting yourself first.

But you're doing something amazing, like. Moving so far within yourself. Navigating it with incredible warmth and grace. I am in awe.

Hope really nice things today! You deserve them!

Human emotions are really difficult to navigate

That's what I've learned just lately

you being sensitive to the world is a sign that you're a good person, there are so many who take goodness for granted and live without a second thought about another person. I struggle with loneliness every day and I had to delete social media because current affairs affect me too much. There's so many people out there struggling each day and you may never know, but if you look outside and away from social media I find, I restore hope in humanity. Just greeting the barista at my local cafe or someone walking their dog on the street keeps me going, nature too, the beauty of trees, squirrels foraging, birds chirping, a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the sound of the ocean waves as they break on the shore, and the ringing of a church bell that reminds me of lost loved ones and their sacrifices to get me where I am. I wish you the joy in life you deserve to have. Be kind to yourself, please, and if thoughts of tomorrow are too much then take one day at a time. I'm rooting for you.

Thank you Dylan. Thank you so much
You be kind to yourself too

I'm just looking for that future that I used to be able to see

I suppose the good thing is is that I don't actually want to die. This thing has just happened to me through a series of whatever and not taking care of my own mental health

I am strong, I've always been strong And I'm doing my best to stay strong

^^^^^^Large resounding Applause...^^^^^. Hang in there regardless,Babybird, Emotions can be maddening to deal with on some days .

I think my anger is my friend ATM

I'm so angry that it's 2025 and people still think this only happens to certain types of people or that there's some kind of f*****g rule that you can't be suicidal if you know it or that people who kill themselves don't know they're suicidal or blah blah flipping blah

This can happen to anyone and no one should feel it is a taboo subject

That sounds like a good reason to be angry to me, babybird. Anger's just about the only appropriate response to that.

I too cannot fecking believe we are in 2025 and people still have to deal with that level of f*****g toxic ignorance (profanity necessary).

Whoever's sending that message, hope you told them to f**k right off.

All the best.

that person is long gone from my life

Also when people say "its always the good ones that it happens to"

No it's f*****g not. Who's completely and utterly good through and through

So I'm a bad person, therefore I'm not worthy of human emotions or worthy of any help

I think that's the bottom line for me

Maybe if that person had gave helped me rather than silence me, things might have been different

Who knows

I do feel like I've got stronger.
If it was a few weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to think like this

And the intensity of it at that time was like I was never ever going to recover from it

But I am recovering so there's a light

Is the persecutory voice being a s**t?

If it is, I'm glad you're reacting against it with anger.

You know you're not a bad person, and you know you didn't deserve suffer or to have people ignore or belittle your suffering, especially if they were someone of significance in your life. (Profanity necessary: f*****g s**t.)

I'm so glad you're able to keep that in mind now.

No one deserves that. You specifically did not deserve that.

"It happens to the good ones" is such a dumb thing for anyone to say.

It happens to people who have been failed by the world around them or by the people around them, who experience things they should never have had to.

Sometimes maybe it just happens.

I remember decades ago when my sister died thinking, no one can feel like this and not go mad. We are just not *built* to withstand this level of pain. And that was something situational, like. Not something attacking me from within.

You are so strong. You are humane and articulate and sane in this moment, so close to something so terrible.

Getting stronger, recovering - you are a blaze of glory.

Hope you can soak in heaps of that light today.

Yeah I've been made a fool of just so people can get what they want and unfortunately this has made me into a bad person sometimes

Its like certain people know how to trigger a negative response in me and they use that to their own advantage. So they can look better

This is what has happened. This is why I get the voice but it hasn't just happened out of nowhere

This is an area of my life that I'm working on. Bullies are everywhere

The trouble is is that when I come into contact with these type of people they think they're the first people to have ever treated me that way

And it's broke my heart

I have to say though that when it first started I didn't know what it was. It felt like a deep deep sadness and then it was like a grieving feeling and it feels like your heart is dropping all the way down and I thought it would pass but it didn't