Rants

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Rant about abuse and divorce. Please skip if you need to. I understand.

After many years together, my partner put his hands on me for the first and last time this spring. So I left.

I am safe now in another city with legal protections, free domestic violence counseling, and a divorce lawyer.

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The following things make me want to scream:
Using your relative as your attorney.

Having to pay my lawyer myself because I am considered to be the "monied" spouse.

Having to see you in court.

You still have most of my stuff.

You get to plead poverty but have cable. I don't have cable. Or a landline.

I also can't have magazine subscriptions or anything delivered to my apartment. Not even a puzza. I have a protected address now.

I miss having a yard, a driveway, my back deck, my houseplants, my frogs (You killed them and then wanted me to pick them up without saying that they were dead). I miss the birds I used to feed in the backyard.

Have fun with your next one. I bet you won't let her work or have a car.

And just so you know that I know: you don't have a temper problem. You are a perpetrator of domestic violence.

=_= ..2019..when you see ‘the homophobic f word’ in area built ~ 1 ago and commonly used by young ppl .. “ > _ <

Still somewhat ill but am probably on the recovery end..if I look into browsing through Buddhist scriptures now and a voice in my mind goes " >: I YOU FOOL!!.WHY didn't you read it before?!" and continues with reprimanding even while I am reading and pondering said text would that be an example of 'self-shaming'?. How do I stop it?.

I was such a brat when I was 13/14.

I mean sure I was being treated like crap by adults who had no business being in my life but still.

I wonder if it will follow me all my life, this memory of what I thought and how I acted. And this idea of whether I should confess it to people or not.

Yes this is probably guilt lol.

How and why the f---k are barbershops so clique-y ?.

barbershops are indeed unnecessarily cliquey

The frustration of leaving a class ~30+ late and thinking that it won't happen again lest I be reprimanded by my mom for going to a place ~3 or 4 blocks away mainly after (winter) sunset.

'Classic' rant source material: losing a cell phone.

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM THE MOST COMMITTED!!. I AM WITHOUT COMPETITION ! !. I HAVE THE HIGHEST MARKS ! !. I HAVE THE BEST PERFORMACE ! !. I AM OBJECTIVIVELY BETTER ! !.

THAT NO ONE, NOT ONE OF YOU AND YOUR F---G CLIQUES EVER CROSS ME, DISRESPECT ME OR INSULT OR I WILL PUT YOU IN SOMETHING RESEMBLING FINAL CHANGES NOT LIKE HOW YOU ALL PREVENTED ME FROM CHANGING WITH YOUR UNWITTING DUMBA-- IRRESPONSIBILITIES AND MANNERISMS FOR A F---G LACK OF AWARENESS OF HOW TO MAKE STRUGGLE END!!

It's dangerous to compare yourself with others..

The fact that there is such a thing as 'being w/out equal'/competition even being existent:

proving yourself=comparing yourself to others

not proving yourself to others=not comparing yourself to others...

..to function healthily among +7.6 billion of my own species behaving like there is no expectation to meet when interacting with 'not-sel(yes)', seems like f---g stupid self-deception.

exasperated by flat hunting. Every room I found has a problem. The last one was super cold and this one is too hot and too noisy. I wouldn't even mind the hot because i can keep the window open but it's on a road.
Do I have to move for the third time in 5 months or will I adjust to the noise?

i always screw up relationships by moving too fast

spend all day at christmas with her family, have a failed date where we both have a bad time and don't handle our feelings about it properly, spend all day with her family at new years, have a pregnancy scare, and handle our problems by forcing conversation and saying "love" far too soon

it sucks, but it's life. i wish i could just learn to relax and enjoy the company of my new female friend, instead, i have to worry and panic over the status of the relationship.

Jordan Peterson’s ‘lobster comparision’?..

That end quote 886..

The despair of looking at a website like 'Indeed'.

The despair of applying and actually get replies back.

'Pre-ranting', 'pre-despairing'...I am not too sure when I mean to look around job websites again but the usual s---kiness is always expected.