Rants

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When you feel lonely for being one of the few who speaks a certain language.

When you feel lonely for being one of the few who speaks a certain language in your age group with a certain attitude, character and temperment.

I go on pornography b/c I have no friends. I don't allow others to be my friends b/c..hence I am stuck in a vicious cycle.

I am just now starting to understand that this person might have real problems and i want no part in that. The fact that its not my fault is NEWLY dawning on me.

Isn’t this whole ‘being a shut-in’ thing much more complicated than most ppl think, guys?.

I feel so tempted to say (frivolously) that agnosticism is the 'spiritual' equivalent of being bisexual, right now.

Seeing a job posting from a source I moderately trust..I don't feel like actually doing job searching for ~3 weeks hence I don't have to viciously self-abuse myself with "D:< You f---d it up when you didn't apply to that posting weeks ago!. That is as good as you can get!,etc, etc "?..

This is freeedom.

Here I go all the f---g dread of looking at the mass futility that is a job searching website:

~ 2:03 p.m. EST I mean to 'rendez-vous' in 10..

https://youtu.be/KMkdp0Uy8t0?t=112

When you see don't do a job you hate, do a job you love ads and you think to yourself "=_= doing what I like take a h--l of alot of time to learn, which is what school is for and would help for if it weren't for the a---h-- who don't realize this teachers included!".

There is no God and no jobs either.

The perverse sense of empowerment which comes from delimiting/removing the options or choices of others and the emotional impact of a message recieved of how you can possible put them close to final changes.

The perverse sense of empowerment which comes from being violent with others and them understanding that you can near kill them.

B/c I don’t like ‘joking’ with others…rarely would I feel comfortable enough to do that.

Maybe me leaving the house briefly for the library irregardless of what my mom would say given my un-wellness recently would be an example of me asserting myself as an adult?.

It was never about evidence. It was about caring. It was about caring b/c only by caring would you consistently realize that you ‘create’ from within.

Opposites..polar opposites:

https://atlasofprejudice.com/about-118cdc905692

https://decolonialatlas.wordpress.com/about/

Slowly admitting how I get my 'politics fix' via anything, almost anything having to do with geography .

Someone has to be keen with topics like cultural geography and comparative religion b/c the outcomes and probability of being disingenuous with diversity are and is painful.

I f---g hate how life is culminative, not enough full blown beneficial power interventions when you need the,.

"I prefer school to working"

"I prefer learning to labour".

I've been through so much s--t that I can't pin the blame to one (or two) teachers anymore..it was still one of the earlier and more devastating instances but it no longer only as much due to those experiences.

I hate this sh***y little neighbourhood. I can't even sleep here. And I get barked awake at 8 by Mrs Quackers. Or I oversleep til 10 cos of the cat and the cold.

I tried to focus today, really focus. Submit my work. Instead, I pressed 'no' when it said 'do you want to save your work'. Of course this is after I deleted it from the unsubmitted file.

I would like to say I'm a writer but since living here, it's increasingly difficult to send anything off.