scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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10

It's hard to explain but it's like recieving raw inspiration and letting your mind go completely wild to come up with whatever the hell it likes. I've got a thousand new ideas and I am getting more every second.

Does anyone's go up to eleven?

Mate, we don't need eleven.

(Cookie if you know the film)

-5
I feel hollow.
The person I thought was a friend has turned their back on me, it would seem, and boy does it hurt.
So going to drink a load tonight to block it.

-9.
All the times I've felt bad in my life were but a pinprick when compared to this moment. I can't find words to describe how I feel. A shred of blind hope keeps me from a -10. I'm saving that for when my hope is destroyed and I go find a nice spot to curl up (or plummet, as may well be the case, given the number of cliffs in my area) and die. Of course, I'm dumb enough that I'll probably just keep on clinging to that last shred for a long, long time.

6. Football!! ! Also, I broke up with my girlfriend, and by broke up, I mean I am ignoring her and hoping that she goes away through some miracle that I have yet to determine. Also, I finished Catch 22, which was excellent.

-8 God Damn awful

Dear Kilroy, is it because of the people who think you are too nice? As you said, you are who you are and there's nothing wrong with that...and besides, I think your kindness is cool...

Dear Graelwyn, it does hurt when people turn their backs on you...especially when my own shortcomings are the cause, not that that is the case with you and your friend...But even though people may turn their backs on us, we are not hollow...There's so much more to you than what they think of you...they were unable to see it...I hope you are able to see it...

5
Some things that I realized lately...
My life is not in my hands...I keep thinking it is mine and that I should be in control of it.....and when life doesn't go the way I want it to, I get upset and in my eyes life loses all its meanings... However, that's like a child throwing a tantrum... I try to acknowledge that life is in God's hands and that I should accept it, all the embarrassment and disappointments, joy, beauty and radiance...

I also keep thinking that life is about my relationship with the people in this world...but it's not...on a fundamental level, it is all about my relationship with God...but I keep looking to people, which reveals my idolatrous heart and I can't help it. I get hurt, I make mistakes, I blunder, I get embarrassed, I cannot bring myself to look to God, I become hopeless, helpless and groundless, and God says to me, "It is about you and me."

I screw up things...things go wrong because of 'me'. And then I get frustrated that it happened and especially that the root was my own imperfections and wrongdoings...therefore I become extremely groundless in front of God. I have a mouth but I cannot speak.

When I am in front of God, my embarrassment almost warps into frustration or anger. Because I am such a groundless being in front of Him. The only place I can stand on is His grace and it feels humbling and insecure, although I should have more faith that that is the most secure place to stand on.

Be still and know that He is God.

Life and all beings are in His hands.
Therefore, even when life feels empty and full of disappointments, it is never meaningless for He is the creator of meanings.
Humble me so that I may fully acknowledge and accept this, so that every moment I can give thanks to you and stay away from sins which do nothing but poison me. So that I can appreciate each moment as it comes, and be open to you and stay connected to you always...So that my life may overflow with meaningfulness and spontaneity...So that I may finally love you with all my heart...

Dear God,
You are beyond me, you do not have a petty mind like I do. You are beyond my ways, and that is what makes you so attractive and awesome! Although I may grumble when you reward, bless and shower those that hurt me with love, I just love whatever you do...Although I may complain and throw tantrums in front of you about the things that I do not like in my life, although I may have a hard time accepting certain things, I think it is awesome who you are...although I don't know you very well...
Please pardon my petty ways. I'm too human, I can't help it...
Change my heart...please create a pure heart in me...discard my idolatrous heart...
In my personal moment with you, in your embrace, I acknowledge and open up to you my insides that are decaying, rotting away, and I shed tears...I ask you to heal me...the achings, the sores...
And you are there, righteous and patient, wise above all beings, keeper of time, ruler of the universe...
Although I am weary, I immerse myself in your sweet repose......cure me of Tzaraath, take away the embarrassment, delete my past, wipe away my tears, erase my sins, transform me into your bride...
You are like a rock that I can lay my head on while traveling and camping on this road of thorns...You allow me sweet rest and dear sleep...

Last edited by sunnycat on 07 Aug 2007, 10:43 am, edited 4 times in total.

A peaceful calm comes over me as I accept something I should have accepted a while ago.

5

11

I get early release from the hospital! This is my last night!

f**k YEAH! I AM GONNA WALK ALL OVER THIS MISERABLE ROCK!

And better yet, my cane makes me look like Dr. House!

You were still in hospital all this time, Flagg?

Yes, back surgery recovery. Correction of my spinal curve and to top it off I set back my recovery a fair bit with a bout stupidity.

Ghkk. My aunt's husband (her second, why I'm loathe to call him an uncle) just had to go in for a second time for back surgery in about as many weeks.

I wish they would give me back surgery to correct my many problems. 8 weeks of recovery would be well worth ending the lifetime of pain I have endured.

-6

Pissed off about work. Worried about my daughter's surgery. In a lot of back, neck, and shoulder pain. Tired of taking drugs to mask that pain. Tired of the side effects of these drugs on my digestive system. Worried about the consequences of contacting my ex.



10

Nevermind. My troubles are trivial compared to the starving children of the world. I have no right to complain at all.

-10

Right now, my mind's f****d up.

You know, that's pretty much what I do a lot of the time (feel bad and then feel worse for feeling bad about something that isn't that bad). It doesn't seem to work for long... You have every right to complain. There's no use comparing and contrasting situations; different people, different ways.


4. Really out of it; the world's spinning (but that's not such a bad thing, maybe, just a random one).