Rants

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(((Isabella & bloowiejagwa)))

I will admit that I get upset when ppl don't reply to me soon enough.

Hoping my phone charger still works.

Friendlessness s--ks.

Don't think about call centers.

GF won't text, tutor won't email. Nobody likes me.

People on the internet assume I'm a crap writer.

Just cos I'm bad at first draft prose doesn't mean I'm not trad pubbed in poetry at international level.

People on the internet assume everyone else on the internet is a moron and untalented, though.

Me included - no offence whoever is reading this.

We're aspie so I bet we have some really talented types on here.

Everyone assumes I'm 15. Online and off.

If I talk football people think I'm a thicko. If I talk culture people think I'm a geek who can't possibly understand low brow things. No room for depth.

Sod them all I'm gonna try living for myself for a change.

Aspies should find it easy but people with social anxiety find it hard.

...where's the punishment?..

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_ ... ude+to+you

18:26-18:27

https://youtu.be/xuCn8ux2gbs?t=1107

So my asshat neighbour had a go at me today and I'm still fuming.

What did I do? I simply asked her if I could use our shared clothesline since her washing was taking up almost the whole thing, but it had dried. She tells me to just find a spare string up the back and hang my stuff. I told her I needed more room. So she tells me to just hang my remaining stuff - this is a beauty - over the fence.

Supports her argument with the statement, "We're very easygoing over here. Just take what you can find."

I didn't have a problem with that. No, it was the fact that she was treating me like an overly pedantic imbecile and angrily yelling this advice at me in such a manner that I felt embarrassed for her husband and our other neighbour to hear her. She didn't realise what an immature, selfish, overcooked dingbat she was making of herself. The worst part is we always got along quite well. I have no idea what I ever did to upset her. I've always been kind and considerate towards her and even put up with her petulant demands for the past 4 years.

I'm tossing up between buying a ladder and hanging my washing on the roof in future, or, the more attractive option, that next time she needs to hang washing, I'll hog the line just like she did and see if she's just as comfortable sticking her dishcloths over the fence to dry, as per her advice to me.

Let's see if she's just as easygoing when the shoe is on the other foot. I suspect she won't be. She'll find a reason to complain, just as she always does. And, of course, her argument is always the right one.

Someone asks you something nicely, it's because they're being nice and considerate! They don't want to put you out! The right thing to do is acknowledge their kindness, not treat them like they just asked if they could burn your freaking house down!! !

I cannot believe people actually get angry over something so trivial and stupid as a f***ing clothesline! There are so many bigger problems in life!!

F*** you, inconsiderate neighbour. Seriously. I hope one day you get a neighbour that makes you wish you could have me next door to you again.

okay, i got this. i just tried to google up some tips on coping with stress for autistic mother, and all results refer to mother of an autistic child. as in, autistic mother does not exist in eyes of all those support sites? now, how f****d up is that. and ya i never got an idea to do that before. maybe its a sighn of recovery of sorts, but what i found hits me to the ground. they provide "empathy" for allistic parents of autistic children, also using a term "autistic mother", thus totally denying my very existence (and ya, wave in general direction of Magz and others who share it. and to fathers too). have i not been ghosted enough to then see that? ya, my own fault, i thought i'd find SOMETHING. something for allistics ya. fucksake. and those are organizations for autism support. they are f*****g supposed to support autists no? (not arguing allistic family members would need some, guess dealing with us isnt easy, and guess we'd benefit from our family members being educated. tho mine dont gaf to try that. i am my own problem, and allways had been). so as a child, get conformed to allistic norms, be a good allistic-like kid and f**k any of ur special needs, we dont know no special needs, its not our problem. as an adult, deal with ur s**t urself. we are too busy supporting allistic women (no offence to individual ppl), while u should've learned by now to deal with ur own problems, get f****d off, u shouldnt've procreated in the first place. or u should've been born in a big, educated family who would have gotten u covered. i know me raging wont change anything. never had. i just cant hold it this time. i am sorry.

This isn't specifically with Caucasian ppl in mind but I will admit that said demographic pops up the most in this..

If there are so many who have no qualms with saying "who cares?, I don't care" in regards to adhering to a value system how do you decide on what is important?. What is important to you and what can you say *is* important to you when so often you 'action' within apathy?. Are many things even important to you or few?.

Communicating in Spanish, awareness of cultural and class dissimilarities and learning..how could I expect someone to realize how important this is to me when to them so little is important?. Other than perhaps mere pragmatic craving(s).

Don't ever tell you you will be 'exploring' beforehand, before even realizing what is already important to you.

Waiting for the day when essentially ever human on the planet will look back at several centuries and read about the conflicts, wars and politics aristocratic or not and see it as having pettily been done by ppl who were almost always neuro-psychologically 'wannabe gangbangers' one way or another. I hate history.

Can't find the nicely designed but sometimes annoyingly protruding pencil sharpener which I would like more if I used a different pencil case.

Switching pencil cases now.

'Mama's boy' is the demeaning version of something much more complicated for when it comes to my behaviour; my mistrust and reservations in ppl (more so when revealing this to Caucasian ppl specifically) is a sort of judgment and ridicule which I have always dreaded.

I am not what I was made out to be by
XH’s mom
XH
Claire
Kevin (insulting way he talked about me to me n things he said were NOT true- it was a bully’s way n a misogynistic lawyer’s way NOT reality)

I am usually honest to a fault
Except a few times (not on purpose just in the flow of things i generalize n it doesnt always apply so technically its false)
which I immediately correct n tell the person if I realize

I am not mean to anyone who did me no wrong
The only reason i finally became ‘mean’ to XH was because i had to stand up fr myself after years of abuse n later attempts to remove kids frm me
That too i still kept defaulting back to being nice
Until what he did .. it srsly harmed kid (pneumonia situation)

N then he lied about me to his friend

So of course i was mad then (after a couple of weeks of pondering it)

So what they said n tried to make me out to be was UNTRUE
I am nOT like the women in the news who abused their maid
That is what claire was trying to make me out to be when she lied about me
A twisted spoilt privileged arrogant bully

That is not me

That is actually her.
And him,
And them,
And that is IT