scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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I'm a 3 right now... comforted though by the fact that I'll be able to get more pills on Tuesday and also a separate room! With my mother living with me telling me "Do this! Do that!" (even while being very nice, generous, patient, not bossy) it's a bit intimidating/stressful.


I'm having another fade-out... a gray-out, whatever you want to call it.

still -10

7. Slightly groggy, but ok.

6 to -7 to 6?

+5.5



I had a couple of bottles of San Miguel Beer and Im listening to "The Ventures" on my computer.

"Sleepwalk" is so soothing, man..

hon is my word

Which is why I said "hun"

4. I'm bored, I'm a bit lonely, and I have to start preparing to go back to college.

5.

I'm tempted to be upset, but I'm not going to.

3.

Upset has passed into anger; anger will pass into something else, I'm sure. Foolish woman, overgrown child, I know how to work computers a thousand times better than she; I can wipe this thing of my existence if I so choose.

What happened?
6.5

There are two computers in the house; my laptop and the family computer in the basement (which is almost always being used). My mother has decided that I need to be more social, and the way to accomplish this is to take away my laptop and give it to the family business (which all ready has multiple, unused computers; this one would be (and she admitted it) left in a corner and never used). Also, they'd be checking to see what I had been doing; needless to say, I'm not happy about it. Like I said, I can wipe this thing off entirely; she can't even shut down the computer without my help (I'm not over-exaggerating either; she's asked me before for help because she couldn't turn it off). And I will, if they do decide to take it (her threats don't always pan out; I think this one might though).

Anyway, 1. We got into an argument about it, and around the time she started presuming she understood anything about mental states, I lost it. I've never shouted at anyone before; now I have. (It's difficult to trip me into anger; even when I said anger before, I wasn't really that angry, more aggravated.) I'm just sick and tired of it; I'm tired of the "you're perfectly normal" speech, I'm tired of being told to grow up, I'm just so damn tired of it all. (Ha, I thought learned last year to not let everything build up; obviously, I haven't.) After yelling, I went to overly still (I'm never still; I always fidget or stim), which is when she decided to talk back. She was angry until I told her that I had spent most of last year cutting (*shrug* don't ask questions you don't want the answer to). I walked out after that. She seemed pretty shocked; it's a "stupid" thing to do, and no matter how much I need to "grow up", she doesn't consider me to be stupid.

Edit: Somewhere along the way, I managed to cut my finger (I only noticed because it's bleeding). I don't know how I managed that; I really must not have been paying attention. (Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm pretty sure I had a meltdown... I haven't had one of those in a few years.)

Currently, I am at a 0.75.
I am sad right now because I am not in a class as of this writing despite most of them I really don't need.

That's terrible. I hope all goes well for you. My dad is like that with computers lol. He doesn't know how to type and save on them properly. I should have taught him by now.

-2.
Still have issues getting online and my landlord has been threatening to evict me because housing haven't paid up yet, and his daughter has sent me nasty phone messages, also threatening eviction. People care more about money than human life.

That's horrible. Greedy buggers.