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Kiprobalhato
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06 Dec 2018, 1:25 am

is it really the fault of manipulative people

that they're like this?

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auntblabby
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06 Dec 2018, 1:28 am

mother nature can be a downright beyotch, thankfully father time is a healer in the short term.

TW1ZTY
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06 Dec 2018, 1:40 am

auntblabby wrote:

mother nature can be a downright beyotch, thankfully father time is a healer in the short term.

Yeah sure, they always blame the mothers. :lol:

Raleigh
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06 Dec 2018, 2:41 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:

is it really the fault of manipulative people

that they're like this?

I've asked myself that question countless times.
It is an unproductive question for me, because in asking it I realise I'm looking to excuse their behaviour, and in excusing it I end up feeling guilt and then my mind starts telling me that their bad behaviour is somehow caused by myself, because I'm not compassionate enough or something.
Well, f**k that.

It's probably not a serial killer's fault that they're like that either but that doesn't mean I want to invite them into my life and possibly be stabbed for the trouble.
There has to be some self preservation.

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Kiprobalhato
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06 Dec 2018, 2:45 am

that's exactly what i feel like.

i'm preserving myself by getting rid of two toxic people, but the cost is that i'm lonelier than at any point in my life.

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blazingstar
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06 Dec 2018, 8:11 am

Raleigh wrote:

Kiprobalhato wrote:

is it really the fault of manipulative people

that they're like this?

To me, there is a difference between "it is not their fault they are like that" which allows us to preserve our own compassion and humanity, and "responsibility for their actions" which are the consequences of the their actions which can include the entire range of being cut off from relationships to legal judgments. It is possible to have compassion for the other person and at the same time say f**k them and have nothing to do with them. However, for mental health reasons, it is more important to do the latter before attempting the former. F**k 'em first, then, maybe over years, develop the compassion that helps you heal.

Kip, it sometimes takes years to extricate oneself from a toxic individual/relationship. I know that is discouraging to hear, but persistence in your behaviors of not engaging with it will typically work out in the end. I don't mean this to be advice in the sense people should follow it. Only you can live your life and these are just electrons. Just my perspective about the topic in general.

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TW1ZTY
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06 Dec 2018, 9:30 am

EzraS
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06 Dec 2018, 2:40 pm

Kiprobalhato
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06 Dec 2018, 2:43 pm

blazingstar wrote:

so people can just screw up my life, use me, and i'm just supposed to...do nothing and DEAL?

because i'm an aspie?

and it's "not a disability"?

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SaveFerris
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06 Dec 2018, 2:46 pm

EzraS wrote:

Ha , busted , you were in Death Valley in 1930 , I knew you were older

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EzraS
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06 Dec 2018, 3:07 pm

I die and am reborn every 100 years.

SaveFerris
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06 Dec 2018, 3:12 pm

seems legit

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blazingstar
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06 Dec 2018, 6:13 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:

blazingstar wrote:

so people can just screw up my life, use me, and i'm just supposed to...do nothing and DEAL?

because i'm an aspie?

and it's "not a disability"?

No, of course not. I am sorry if what I said sounded like that. Someone screwing up your life or otherwise harming you is horrible and do what you can to rid them from your life and take legal or other actions so they experience consequences. When I said sometimes it takes a long time is because sometimes it does depending on the relationship. Exes can sometimes drag things out. Parents. Children. I don't know what your particular situation is. If you have posted and I did not see it, I apologize. I don't read all posts or all topics.

People are responsible for their own actions. Nothing you do or don't do "makes" another person do something.

I do believe that with the possible exception of true evil (which is a whole other topic) people do the best they can with what they have, and most of us are human and err frequently. Getting that philosophical perspective has taken me many decades to get to. I only know my life is better as a result of this perspective. It may not be useful or even true for others.

I don't see this as applying to aspies in particular. More of an overarching principle for all humans.

If this makes no sense, please at least believe that I do care and certainly did not mean anything negative or to write anything that would increase your pain or make it more difficult to bear.

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sly279
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06 Dec 2018, 6:34 pm

Did the thread name change?

TW1ZTY
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06 Dec 2018, 6:36 pm

Nope.

SaveFerris
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06 Dec 2018, 7:11 pm

sly279 wrote:

Did the thread name change?

Several times, I think Kip is bored :lol:

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