Rants

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I'm really irritated. My mom thought I was asleep and I overheard her talking to my dad about how I need to "get over" being sexually assaulted by one of my family members as a toddler, because it prevents her from talking to them, even though I never talk about it, and she's the one who made a big deal about it and ruined her relationship with them by doing so? I have no idea what kind of altered reality she lives in but she's f*****g crazy.

Sick of people not understanding how much I hate Asperger's. People criticise me (especially on WP) because of not telling my boyfriend about it and saying I'm deceiving him and all that. I'm sorry but I do not want the stupid label following me around my whole life. I'm my own person, I'm in a relationship, I've moved towns, so Asperger's can f**k off. If I was like 99% of other Aspie girls and never got a diagnosis in the first place then there would be no pressure to have to tell people. But because it is written on my medical records, it means I must tell everyone otherwise I'll be deceiving people. But nobody has any idea how ashamed I am about Asperger's. I just cannot bring myself to look at someone in the eye and say "I have Asperger's". I just can't do it. It hurts to even mention that word, the only place I can mention it is on WP because it's anonymous. But in my offline life I just don't want to be known as "a person on the spectrum". I just want to be me, not my diagnosis. I believe once you tell people you have it, you become the diagnosis. There is a lot of misconceptions out there about autism, and the more psychotic nutters with autism that keep going out shooting and murdering people, the more the stigma grows and soon autism is going to become as stigmatized as what schizophrenia is. The public will immediately think "autism=psychosis" instead of "autism=developmental disorder".
And if my boyfriend knew, then no doubt his family will find out, and a couple of his relatives work at a care home for autistic adults. I don't want his relatives to go thinking I'm one of them when I am not. I don't want people seeing me as problematic or a person with something wrong with her. I don't want to be tied to this diagnosis. So the least I can do is just pretend I don't have it and have as many people around me be none the wiser as possible. Yes my whole family, family friends, neighbours, and everybody else I knew from childhood knows about my shame, but my boyfriend and his family and my work colleagues don't know about it and I feel more free.
When people know I have it I keep thinking they're waiting me to start rocking or flapping my hands or covering my ears at a cricket chirping or something.
No, I'm not like that. I'm just Joe90.

I don't know where we're going to go after next month and I don't even know if we will be able to keep the pets. I'm so stressed out and depressed that I am starting to feel suicidal, things just keep getting worse.

John Walsh, Dog the Bounty Hunter and Dr. Phil are parasites who use other people's misery to elevate their brands.

I hate copyright policies on YouTube. They keep taking off my favourite shows or audiobooks - ones you can't really buy or order anywhere (and I don't use Netflix).

I like watching the Supernanny series but they took those off YouTube but there's almost every episode of the American episodes. I don't want to watch the American ones, they're not the same. The kids aren't half as naughty as they are in the UK episodes. Why did Supernanny have to go to America in the first place?

Also they took off some of my favourite audiobooks. It's so unfair. The only ones there are are of people reading audiobooks themselves, and I'm sorry I know they mean well and everything but it's just not the same.

God I hate copyright policies. They're a killjoy.

I wish you would come to the USA and meet some real Yanks.

Maybe then you will get a better impression of Americans.

I’ve been to the UK, and my impression of British folks and its landscape changed so much.

Loud music in my neighbourhood. Every. Night. Made worse by the fact that more often than not it's not even good music. Just UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ crap that makes the entire house buzz like a vibrator. Sometimes I can hear it through my own music (loudly on my headphones at that) so I can't even block it out properly.

I’m 60 years old. I’ve walked down the streets of some lousy neighborhoods. I’ve never been shot.

The US is not Death Wish Territory….just like the UK is not all coal mines or fog or whatever.

I once stayed in a “council house” in Wandsworth, SW London. It was very similar to a US row house. The person living there was getting “benefits.”

Today is sh-t and I hate everything in the world.

It was an actual council house inhabited by someone on Jobseekers Allowance.

She is a friend of my wife’s.

Jesus Christ I have just been startled out of bed.

I was laying in my comfy bed, not asleep yet but was relaxed, and I had earplugs in. Suddenly I heard this loud rattling or crashing sort of sound that sounded like shelves collapsing with everything on them crashing off. I sat up quickly, not knowing what the hell it was, and I took my earplugs out. Turns out the horrible loud noise was just a motorcycle with an extremely loud rattling engine going by on the road outside. But at the time it didn't sound like a motorcycle, because the noise wasn't consistent, it just made the horrible loud din whenever it changed speed or something (I don't know much about motorcycles). But I really thought it was the world ending. It's 15 minutes later and my heart is still beating fast from the shock.

I feel like every job I've ever had makes me miserable in some way. I struggle so much with communication and when I'm working in a confusing, constantly changing project where there are a lot of new people involved and there are things that are broken meaning I can't work properly it just feels impossible. Approaching people feels like a massive effort at times. It doesn't help that I have basically no interest in what I'm doing either. It's exhausting. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this for another 20 or 30 years...