Rants

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I woke up early because I had a meltdown while dreaming. I misplaced something and between not being able to remember it and the way where I was searching kept changing was too much but the weird part was if it happens for real I'm usually exhausted and need to sleep, meanwhile when it happened in my dream I've been too wired to get back to sleep.

Falling down the rabbit hole again. It's not fair. Trauma. Mutism. Avoidance. Annoyance. Doing better and doing worse. Resentment. Anticipation. So sick of it. No one understands.

PLEASE GOD, F***ING KILL ME NOW!! !

Bloody upstairs neighbour, always doing some noisy activity or some sort of activity that involves moving around for hours, ie obsessive cleaning. I need to listen out for a delivery but I find it difficult to ignore her banging noises up above, but I can't use earplugs because I need to listen out for the door. The delivery can come at any time today so I've got to be alert. But I can't focus on anything with her upstairs doing her usual daily banging. But I can't do anything, I mean I can't just go and tell her not to move in her own home for the next 8 hours - as much as I'd like to tie the stupid b***h down for a few hours to give me some peace, I know that is wrong and so I wouldn't really do it.

God I hate upstairs neighbours that don't work and are obsessive cleaners that have to be doing some sort of noisy cleaning activity day and night. If only there was like a rehab thing for these annoying people to teach them that dust does not appear 5 hours after you last vacuumed, it takes a few days. And germs are easy to kill just by simply wiping mostly touched surfaces, and washing your hands regularly, not by pulling all your furniture out 10 times a day on your hard wood floors.
Also the government should put all obsessive cleaners in one apartment building that is built like a hospital with shiny floors and white walls, so that they can all clean day and night, and let normal people like us that only clean a normal amount or when necessary live in peace.

Disclaimer: I am sorry if that has offended any obsessive cleaners here but I really had to get that off my chest and I really hate my upstairs neighbour. Trust us to live under a woman that cleans all the time. Cleaning is a noisier activity than you think, and is especially noisy and distracting when you live below someone who constantly cleans.

Pissed enough to make a decision and ban someone from it.

Because someone's not listening. And is still not listening. Also do not explain why.
I see no point including people in my life who don't make themselves clear.

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Someone at this shelter left their clothes in both washers for hours, so I got fed up and hand washed bedding that one of our cats puked on in the bathtub and had to spend like 30 minutes trying to wring out a blanket. Then I had to walk down 4 flights of stairs for the third time with a basket of heavy, wet bedding, only to see that they finally moved their clothes into both dryers, and now I'm waiting for their clothes to finish drying. Kill me.

Where I live the traffic is unbearable, and all they're doing is building more and more houses, and then there'll be MORE traffic. This town once started off as a quaint little village, very old and historical, now it's become like a city and is a nightmare to get around. There is always roadworks everywhere because the place keeps getting sinkholes - because it wasn't meant for all these houses, roads, cars and people. You can't really plan anything when living here because you never know what the traffic is going to be like, sometimes there could be one road closed and it could make you 3 hours late to where you were planning on going. Yes, THREE HOURS! It's horrendous. I work late afternoons and although I have most of the day to myself I still can't go far because you just never know what the traffic situation will be like. Some of the bus services are unreliable because of it, like one bus service is supposed to come every 15 minutes but one time I was waiting over an hour and none turned up at all. There's just too many cars on the road. Too many people own too many cars and there's too little room. Sometimes I hate it and wish I could move to a quieter town, but it's easier said than done.

My day went completely to s**t, but when do I not have a day that goes completely to s**t.

I need to have a meltdown of epic proportions, but I can't.

It's like staring at the sun and waiting to sneeze.

I can get really angry sometimes. In situations i feel trapped. Is that a meltdown? Maybe a mini meltdown. I can be somewhat composed and yet explosively pissed off inside. 'Volatile' would be the word, like nitroglycerin. And i will explode if enough pressure is applied.

I honestly don't know how much longer my 18 1/2 y/o cat will last. She had a terrible seizure today that lasted almost a minute, and I can't do a thing about it. She was also out of it for about a half hour afterwards.

I feel so sad and irresponsible, because I didn't do much to really control her epilepsy; all I did was give her a few drops of CBD in her day food. I don't know a vet near me that is either cheap or have affordable pet insurance, but they would have loved to help.

She had her first seizure a year and a half ago, and since then, I felt anticipatory grief on and off, and even bought a plush version of herself that acts like an urn. People keep telling me that it will be okay, and that I will have another cat that's just as great.

The truth is, I don't deserve another cat. As I stated before, I didn't take her to the vet often enough, and had I afford it, my cat would have been seizure free. If I did the same to another cat, it would be taken away from me for sure due to my actions.

TL;DR, I suck at taking care of my dying cat.

18 1/2 years is a ripe old age for a cat.

I’m sorry the cat has had to undergo seizures, and that you had to see them.

I bet you took better care of your cat than you think you did.

If your cat passes away, I would get another cat if I were you.