Rants

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My ex is never going to send me the s**t I left there. He's never going to explain why he just ghosted me after I put forth so much effort and the big deal he made about communication. That's fine. Sincerely put forth more effort than I should have understanding neurotypical BS.

But when I opened an old group chat and saw pictures he had recently from a convention, living it up in cat ears and a dress of all things, I saw red. Then I got the ick. I was into this guy? The jealousy wasn't for him, it was the fact that he was out and proud living it up and not thinking about how he'd left me and here I was, still as sh***y and awkward as when he left.

It's been bad pretty much since I got out of high school. I don't really have ways to socialize. The thought of such now makes me anxious. I can't drive and I hate being a burden. I can't do much. It's amazing I got a boyfriend in the first place, let alone flew out to him only to return home to...s**t, it's gonna piss me off to type out again so I'm done.

https://www.theschooloflife.com/article ... ng-pitied/

An interesting article on the difference between pitied and being understood. Do not judge yourself for being pitied by others, for your suffering is more human than you're given credit for.

Why do a lot of foreign people shout when they're having a conversation on public transport? No, I'm not being 'racist', I'm just saying how I feel. Many English people shout too when they're conversing but it seems to be more of a frequent thing with people speaking a non-English language. Maybe English people shout when we're in a different country, I don't know.

But nearly every time I get on the bus there are often a group of foreign people with such loud, booming voices and I can't hear myself think above them. Why do people have to shout instead of just chat at a normal level? I understand it if they're in a noisy, crowded atmosphere but why in quieter environments where there's no need to shout over each other?

Americans often are accused of that, too!

I don’t like people talking loud, either.

My emotions did nothing but trouble then, and it is still a trouble now. Maybe more so growing up.

Whether I'm happy or sad or angry. It doesn't matter. All are in inappropriate times and places -- thus I don't want it.
I wish it just stops being in control of my damn life.

Unfortunately, it is so tied to the human systems...
Might as well just wish I'm not a human being without human needs.


Everything I did so far is to prevent a very few people from feeling worried or guilty.
I'm just so sick of it.

Why the heck should I choose to be entangled with these people when people decided they do?!

And escape...? Yeah, in fact that would be better...
Better than the violent alternative simply because I cannot get a fricking grip and think and fricking refute.
So I did nothing but just hold back and hold back...

Maybe it's just a matter of time before I just went up and leave without a word or warning...
Or explode into a violent mess and tell them to leave me alone.

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Uh, I hate getting told off at work for breaking a minor health and safety rule. I think this stupid world has gotten too hung up on health and safety these days. Unless there are frail elderly people or disabled people around, it will not hurt to have such a light object lying on the ground. It was a little thin window cleaner thing, with a cloth part on it that I put out in the sun to dry so that it's not all wet when I put it away. Oh dear. Along came a colleague (not a boss or supervisor) and gave me the irritating health and safety lecture: "someone could trip over that, it's health and safety!" A small, light object that cannot throw an able-bodied person on to the ground. The worst they'll do is kick it by mistake (it isn't easily breakable), but that's only if they don't see it first. It was there for a reason, and people should use their eyes, and it won't exactly cause a massive life-threatening casualty if someone does walk over it. It's actually almost impossible for that to happen. A heavier object, like a tool perhaps, may cause an accident more, but not a light object. It's Darwin.

Yeah....know what you mean!

People can be such busybodies sometimes!

I feel like absolutely losing my s**t because I don't feel okay at all and everything is so overwhelming all the time. I just want to be alone for a couple days, and not have to deal with a million responsibilities and expectations that I'm not even prepared to take care of.

I hate when my boyfriend gets drunk. He becomes a different person and I can't cope with it. I tell him not to get drunk, or ask if he's planning on getting drunk, and all he says is "don't worry, all you do is worry", but wouldn't anyone worry when their beloved partner has random binge-drinking sessions and turns into this angry, unpleasant person? I mean, how would he like it?

All he does when drunk is get obsessed with the TV and if anything distracts him he gets angry. If I speak at all he says the dreaded "sshh!" which often causes a meltdown because I can't stand that awful sshh sound, it just find it so cringing and he knows this but when he's drunk he doesn't think. So if I'm in the room I've got to remember to stay silent at all times, which can be very difficult indeed. He has the volume loud too, and I've just got to put up with it. I try to stay in the bedroom but I get fed up always cooped up in the bedroom all the time, as it's small and nowhere to sit really except on the bed.

Why do people have to drink alcohol for? Why does alcohol need to exist? I think this world would be a better place without alcohol.