Why couldn't I have been born a boy?

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wefunction
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09 Jun 2011, 10:06 pm

Erisad wrote:

I guess I can't cry or rant here either. I have nowhere to go. :cry:

You can cry here. It's just everyone will respond to your crying with their crying because they have nowhere else to cry, either.

I cry everywhere about everything but I can suppress it so I don't look like an idiot because I'm pretty sure I'm an idiot when I cry. Nobody has really felt bad for me when I cried in front of people, but these were people like my mother and ex-husband who either caused the crying or enjoyed making it worse when they saw I was down, so I have a warped measure for when and in front of whom I could cry. A couple times I've almost cried in front of my therapist, then she asks a question that delves more deeply into the subject since she sees that it's touched a nerve. So I have to take a second to suppress it and compose a proper soundbite so I don't feel like a fool.

I'll let it fly when I'm alone in the car, or quietly in the bathroom with the fan on, or quietly after my husband's gone to sleep. Sometimes I put on The Joy Luck Club because everybody knows I cry every time I watch that movie, so I can cry and have it not be questioned. But, honestly, commercials make me cry, emotive speeches in television shows make me cry, fireworks make me cry... I'm a big cry baby.

So if you need to cry, go ahead and cry. We will cry along with you. Where else are we gonna do it?

Erisad
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09 Jun 2011, 10:09 pm

wefunction wrote:

Erisad wrote:

I guess I can't cry or rant here either. I have nowhere to go. :cry:

You can cry here. It's just everyone will respond to your crying with their crying because they have nowhere else to cry, either

Or they'll respond with a, "quit yer bitchin', yer wasting our time with yer whining."

Family went to bed. I'm bawling my eyes out now. :cry:

YourMother
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09 Jun 2011, 11:48 pm

Erisad wrote:

Sometimes I wish I wasn't a girl so I wouldn't have to worry about being a model in order to be considered beautiful. No matter how smart I am, men will never appreciate me. I will never get paid the wages I deserve and I will always be the victim of the patriarchical society I live in. If I were a man, life would be so much better. I'd get the money I deserve, all the clothes I need are shirts and pants, it's okay to be a little heavy because guys aren't expected to be light. I wouldn't have the pressure of being attractive all the time. I wouldn't have to deal with misogynists telling me that my purpose in life is to make babies, suck dick and make sandwiches. Men are so lucky. If you're a girl who isn't pretty, then you're completely worthless. I hate how shallow Americans are.

I'm not saying I'm transgendered. I just wish I was born into the sex my society prefers. I'm worthless as a girl so why was I allowed to live as long as I have?

And if someone tries attacking me in this thread, I'll report them immediately because somebody felt the need to attack me in the last thread I made in the Haven because she didn't like me. :/

Well, I've never met you, I don't know you, but I certainly appreciate you for what you've written there. I don't know if that helps, but I really mean it. :huh:

wefunction
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09 Jun 2011, 11:56 pm

Erisad wrote:

wefunction wrote:

Erisad wrote:

I guess I can't cry or rant here either. I have nowhere to go. :cry:

You can cry here. It's just everyone will respond to your crying with their crying because they have nowhere else to cry, either

Or they'll respond with a, "quit yer bitchin', yer wasting our time with yer whining."

Family went to bed. I'm bawling my eyes out now. :cry:

Oh man... do I have to spank pezar again?

At least you can get it out now. I cried twice today, by the way. I cried at the therapist and then I cried this afternoon. My daughter caught me with red eyes this afternoon and asked if I was alright. Since I am the master at masking my voice to sound normal no matter what I'm feeling, I said, "Yeah, honey. I just got mascara in my eye and it's hurting bad." She gave me proper condolences for having to go through that and then left me alone. It doesn't even really matter what I was crying about. I keep thinking that if I'm normal, I won't cry so much; but, I've always been this way and I wonder if it's the people who don't cry at all ever who actually have the problem.

Greatsharkbite
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10 Jun 2011, 1:25 am

Quote:

I keep thinking that if I'm normal, I won't cry so much; but, I've always been this way and I wonder if it's the people who don't cry at all ever who actually have the problem.

It could be people who don't cry that have the problem, I actually wondered if that was the case myself--not to discriminate.

I don't cry as often as I used to, or rather I trained myself not to. I'm too proud to cry in front of people.

Also i'd get told not to cry so much, I just started to listen I think.

MXH
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10 Jun 2011, 1:27 am

Greatsharkbite wrote:

Quote:

I keep thinking that if I'm normal, I won't cry so much; but, I've always been this way and I wonder if it's the people who don't cry at all ever who actually have the problem.

Sounds better than not crying at all. I literally can not cry. Familymembers have died, friends have died, my own personal failure. Nothing.

Erisad
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10 Jun 2011, 6:53 am

Thanks for the help guys. I woke up still upset. I was hoping I'd feel better after getting sleep but apparently it didn't help.

Garath
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10 Jun 2011, 7:22 am

*morninghug from the european afternoon*

But really, what's wrong with your family, to put it bluntly. Guess i'm fortunate to not understand the mechanics of unsupportive parents.
Anyway, hope you have a better day today. Isn't there some activity u could do that always brings a smile back, or a TV-series to watch or whatever?

I know personally how frustrating biting your time is and being patient in spite of yourself, but the alternative is worse. so it comes down to figuring out how to cope and to keep going, it WILL get better

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Erisad
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10 Jun 2011, 7:40 am

Garath wrote:

Well...I don't know. I could catch up on South Park. :chin:

I have my second driving lesson with the instructor today and I hope my practice pays off. I have my friend's bridal shower to look forward to this Sunday. I just gotta push through, I guess.

Garath
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10 Jun 2011, 10:53 am

That's the spirit. Ofc now that you mentioned South Park you've made me all upset *grumple grumple*. Don't watch the 7'th episode of this season, it's too sad :s

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Tequila
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10 Jun 2011, 11:01 am

Erisad wrote:

Sometimes I wish I wasn't a girl so I wouldn't have to worry about being a model in order to be considered beautiful.

Conventionally beautiful? In the guise of Cosmopolitan and the endless "women's" magazines? That stuff is utterly toxic to a woman's sense of self and is well-noted by many men. The predatory types will prey on these insecurities to get what they want. If you want to avoid this, step outside that box.

No man really cares about any of that, I promise you. I'll pick the chubby one with an ordinary face and a lovely sense of humour over the vacuous model hag anyway. You've been told this - men are perverts but, in many cases, "models" are the preserve of those who want dolls more than women.

My willy extends at women I can identify with. It doesn't extend to "models" and the like. OK?

Quote:

No matter how smart I am, men will never appreciate me.

Shown to be patent bollocks due to what I've just said.

Quote:

I will never get paid the wages I deserve and I will always be the victim of the patriarchical society I live in.

Radical feminists don't want you to have freedom either. They just want to make you their pet. Liberty is about breaking out of all these conceptions (if you choose) and working out what is right for you as a person.

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If I were a man, life would be so much better.

No it wouldn't.

Quote:

all the clothes I need are shirts and pants

Wear those then. A lot of men are attracted to dominant women. Just look at S&M.

Quote:

it's okay to be a little heavy because guys aren't expected to be light.

The "bigger woman" fetish subculture is huge. Many, many men prefer chubbier women over rakes, though they often deny it and occasionally abuse fatter women, even though they're secretly very attracted to them. My dad is one of them.

Erisad
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10 Jun 2011, 11:03 am

Garath wrote:

That's the spirit. Ofc now that you mentioned South Park you've made me all upset *grumple grumple*. Don't watch the 7'th episode of this season, it's too sad :s

I'm only on season 5. It'll be a while til I get to the current season. :lol:

Erisad
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10 Jun 2011, 11:13 am

Tequila wrote:

Okay. I have no idea how to break of society's expectations of my appearance without running away to live as a hermit in the woods and I wouldn't like that very much. Any ideas as to how I can resist this then? >.<

Tequila wrote:

I'm not into radical feminism, I just want equality between the sexes. Is that so bad? I interned at the women's center and GLBTQ center last semester so this stuff is still in my head. >.<

Tequila wrote:

Wear those then. A lot of men are attracted to dominant women. Just look at S&M.

The sad thing is, I like the look of skirts and dresses, I just don't look good in them. I always look pregnant. >.<

Tequila wrote:

But why does loving a larger woman have to be a fetish? Why can't it just be like any other love? A fetish is seen as an abnormality and sometimes a "psychological problem."

pezar
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10 Jun 2011, 11:33 am

Erisad wrote:

pezar wrote:

Are you allowed to advertise your blog posts, putting a url in your sig here at WP, promoting it on Facebook, etc? You might get more views.

What's the point? Unless I get a million views I won't get anything decent. D:

Erisad, I have run two businesses. Real businesses, not blogging. Listen, you will NEVER get a million views unless you advertise. I would like to read your blog, as would others on WP. But, we don't know where it's located, or what name you're blogging under. We don't know ANYTHING about it! How are we supposed to give you page views if we can't find you? The internet is so BIG that it is literally impossible to find a single cybertree in a vast cyberforest if we don't know where to look! Any business works this way-if you don't advertise, people won't buy what you're selling. Plus, you need to sell something that people want. What are you writing? We don't know, because you won't tell us how to get to your blog! Promise me you'll advertise, ok? I'm here if you need ad suggestions.

Erisad
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10 Jun 2011, 11:39 am

pezar wrote:

Erisad wrote:

pezar wrote:

Are you allowed to advertise your blog posts, putting a url in your sig here at WP, promoting it on Facebook, etc? You might get more views.

What's the point? Unless I get a million views I won't get anything decent. D:

I put the links to it in the Women's Discussion as it's a feminist blog. I advertised there and on my facebook page. Lots of my friends shared the links and I haven't made a whole dollar yet. I got an e-mail saying my first article wasn't approved since it wasn't local enough. So I don't know how long that one will be up. My second article is local so it should be okay. :/

http://www.examiner.com/feminism-5-in-h ... megan-belt

Erisad
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10 Jun 2011, 11:41 am

The odds of me getting a million views for a feminist blog are slim, okay? No one likes reading about it. It's a topic that pisses a lot of people off. I have no ideas as to how to write anymore articles that are local and feminist related. *sigh* >.<

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